In order to get good diagnosis, doctor had constantly change their perspetive. We start by getting patient point of view, thou they often don't have clue whats going on. So we look up the patient from every possible angle, we rule things out, we uncover new information, trying to get to whats actually wrong. We ask for second opinion, hope they will see something other might miss. for the patient, a fresh perspetive can mean the different between living and dying. For the doctor, it can mean we picking a fight wit every1 you got there before you.

when we handed an outcome that horrible to face, that when we will get second opinion. And sometimes, the answer we get just confirm the our worse fear, but sometimes, it can shed new life on the problem, make you see it in whole new way. After all the opinion had been heard, and every point of view already being consider, you finally find what you after, the truth. But the truth is where ends, that just the begining, a whole new set of question.

i constantly think of my problem. There alot to think of. It make me really scare. But lucky, sometimes, if i'm comfortable enough, i will seek friend help, and ask their opinion, sometimes, my thinking were too narrow, hehe. Still, till now, i still don't get the truth. I still thinking the same problem till now.

even so, after settle one problem, a whole new one will arise.

When you get sick, it start one single lone bacteria, pretty soon it duplicate, became 2, those 2 became 4, and those 4 became 8. Then, before your body know it, it under attack. Is an invasion. The question for doctor is, what if invasion had landed, once there taken over the body, how the hell to get rid of them.

what do you do when the infection hits you, when it take over. Do you do what you suppose to do and taking your medicine, or you learn to live wit that thing and hope some day it goes away,or do you give up entirely and let it kill you.

well. We always go problem. Small problem, then another small problem, then it lead to bigger problem. For me right now, failure after failure, bigger problem right now is i'm getting more hopeless and lonely. But still not an big problem, not yet. Well. Like i said, there 3 choice, fix the problem, learn to live wit it, or just let it eat me. I don't know what i choose, in this stage. I still choose the number 1. There still a hope, i just wish for it.

I never feel good or something like that, i mean currently now. I'm indeed a loser, there no colour in my life, is only stagnant lifeless life. I wake up every morning, start everyday for myself. There nothing to hope for. There nothing to care for. Only thing make me happy is buy more worthless thing or wish for better thing. I try to improve. I try my best to just enjoy life. But there no meaning if enjoy it alone. Watch movie alone. Watch drama alone. I hate it that word, alone. Sometimes, how i wish i can pay some1 just be my friend. There's nothing.

i'm not complainting my life suck. I try. I try to call up and meet up. Is just weird. Suddenly call up. Say wan to meet. I feel bad because there are things i wan in life, i wan it so much, which is love.

thinking about joining the military, or be a volunteer. At least can love a country or a humanitary.

Past 2 weeks, i feel a bit down. Reasons? I think too much. Why i think too much? Is because i'm scare pass will haunt me back, i scare to make same mistake. But i know those mistake is because who i am. I really some kind of busy body.i want to know everything, so i usually ask how what why. Is really hard to not know. Ok. Is abit out of topic.

i scare i care so much, i scare i'm want to know to much, i scare to be there all the time and want to know everything happen. Is my mistake last time. I don't wan to make same mistake. But i can't. I will make the mistake.

why is so hard. I know we got choose, i know there more in life. Why it is so important. I don't understand myself. I been lonely too long.

because of me, i also say to myself, but be too rush, slow a bit, i try, and it effect me too much. Perhaps the other side aren't looking on same item, is me that look for it.

I feel that i'm had failed. Really. Is not like can try again, chances come and go.

Ok. Crisis coming back again. Is kinda sucks you know. Sometimes we didn't get wat we expected or hope for. Well. A happy moment is really short, when we dream it will became longer, it suddenly go side track. I know i talking nonsense. Haha.

i do feel i missed 2 chances. Just because i dream of something. I know there more coming, i hope so. I just need to look forward, but i feel i'm weak at this. I think a lot, even small detail can influence me. Why i'm so complicated.

Nothing change. I just had my dream. Hehe. Is fun for a while but after realise is just me thinking too much and had a wonderfull dream. Well It had to stop.

one thing i said to myself, jgn perasaan. And i scare, really scare, i will think alot and unable to decide what is the proper way. Please give me strength

Hello blog. Sorry i left you out for weeks, but i think i will change your name, i dream of coming will not be sadness and loneliness, hehe, i feel happy most of the time, still feel a bit alone, at least not worst, may be i try my best to get joy of living, as long as i'm happy, right. Got other problem, my confident is a bit low, need to pump up my confident. So, what i will call you? Neutral and still lonely, i don't want get my hope high, there a part of me still scare. And the uncertain future, may be is just only a dream, is always a dream, but i hope dream will come true. This i scare.

ok. Thats all, hey, you all better watch eat pray love, is one of best movie. Hehe. Thinking of writing the review