Right now, i feel quite uneasy. What happen to me?

my mind always think about elizabeth. In a story k. Hehe. She is too busy to find friend. I really want to finish the story about her but i just having trouble wondering what bothering me..

i need a hug. A piece of mind.

silent noise

When you drop a glass or a plate to the ground, it makes a loud crashing sound. When a window shatters, a table leg breaks, or when a picture falls off the wall it makes a noise. But as for our heart, when that breaks, it's completely silent. We would think as it's so important it would make the loudest noise in the whole world,or even have some sort of ceremonious sound like the gong or the church bell. But it's silent and u almost wish there was a noise to distract u from the pain.

if there is a noise, it's internal. It screams and no one can hear it but yourself. It scream so loud your ears ring and your head aches. It thrashes around in your chest; it roars. But thats the thing about love - no one is untouchable. It's as wild as that, as raw as an open flesh wound exposed to salty sea water, but when it actually breaks, it's silent. You're just screaming on the inside and no one can hear it.

2 october

Giving up on long cherished plans may seem a defeat, sadly to say. But i'm actually clearing the way for new, and more timely, endeavours. While these have been on my mind, i'm dismissed them as unrealistic, impossible dream that i can't achieve. Now a series of developments as sudden as they are unexpected will turn there into a very real possibility, like discover new friend and places

This blog is getting outdated. I really want to share my thoughts and my feeling, but recently is add friend in facebook. I decide i better don't let them know my emotional side of me, but right now, i really want to talk about it.

this pass few months had teach me alot. Still my emotional still the same. Firstly. Cayra called me last time, and tell she don't want more connection between us. At that point, i feel kinda relief, relief that she actually tell she got bf. Well. Is about time for me to get 1 too. But same time, i feel there is something pierce my heart, i still love her. Is hard to avoid that but i have to hang up phone quickly. Looking at myself feeling the pain, i can't think of anything else. Well. The only thing is find another love. Hehe.

there another thing bothering is i'm glad people break up. I'm always feel that i'm not alone in this sadness. And i actually tell them life really sucks right. Hehe. And. I also hate those people that find new love. Jealous is the right word. Hehe.

There 1 blog that i feel so touching. She wrote about how sorry is she, how she can change back the way is it. I really wish those word are for me, not for her special 1. I really wish i get those word, in my ending, i feel the worst, worst ending for a long beautifull story. I want tell who is this person/blog i mean. But i just can't. Perhaps she will leave a comment. :p

what inside my mind again, herm. The book i read. But pretty sure i will give it a review. Not now. But 1 thing for sure, each time i read about love, my heart always cry. I feel i need it the most. Each time see movie, heard music, and read anything about love, i just wish i can have it. I understand each word of it. I can feel the joy, happiness, the suffering, sad. I don't know how to not feel emotion. Is just hard.

there 1 thing also inside me that i had walk into a dark path. I really wish i can say no. But i had no choice. But now, i try looking on other way, i tried to contact any1 that in kk, have courage to just ask them out. Hehe.

that all i wanted to say. Glad it out of me. Although is not much of detail. Can't review too much cos is very personal. Bye

Haha. 3th post for today, i guess my day today is very exciting for me. But now, all the emotion all gone, just about when i start to sleep. I hate this moment, want to sleep and wake up.

perhaps i don't like to face next day, and i don't want my day end. That why sometimes i don't sleep, i let the day pass by, cos i belive that tomoro is the day i wake up from sleep. Hehe.

nothing much to tell right now, tomoro is working day, so, no worries for me. I only worry for weekend. Hehe. Silly me. Ok then, good night every1

Hehe. Today i feel so free. Not that i no work to do but i have 1 tender documnen and 1 drawing. Well. Do it slow and enjoy. Also, i'm in charge of the ISO, which mean i got lots of paperwork that i need to understand.

Well. I just feel happy today. Could be i miss work so much due to 4 days off. Haha. Funny.

today also i made 2 friend that is around kk. Well.. they agree to meet me. Hehe. Happy.

If i suspect that one particular individual is being contentious for the sake of it, i probably right. While i find it difficult to imagine that anybody would enjoy causing so much conflict, clearly they do. Knowing that, i will stop struggling to charm them and when they're difficult, ignore their antics.

This is mimi. My anty pet

Hey, i'm on ferry now, going back to kk. This 4 days holiday didn't feel like a holiday. The raya seasons this year i didn't feel much about it. No visiting anyone, only stay at home, i feel i want visit my former classmate that still in lbn, but i just too late, plus i'm all alone. So better stay at home.

guess what, i use to have a child dream, i last time really wanted to play firecracker. But i can't afford it. Is just too expensive to buy it. Now, i can buy it, i spend like a lot on it. Hehe. Bomb there, bomb here. There one big bomb, once exploded, i can feel it shockwave. So much fun. Hehe.

this holiday also i spend lots of time watching movie, all movie are best. But mostly about dream and love, i know, is something that i all the time do it. Hehe. But it always make me happy. I guess spending time and watch movie does give my heart some lights. Hehe.

all time i'm in lbn, the memories keep flowing back to me. I just hate it. Could i be just spontaninous and able to feel my old life back. I guess i been thought a lesson, don't fooling around or else i will get hurt. Sucks right.

my phone is back

My n73 is fixed. Once again, i can mobile blog

I know everything is the end, I know thing cant happen as it use to be, nothing can change that fact, there nothing I'm hoping for, I myself have no faith, only emptiness. These day that I'm weak, I know that I going to the dark path, still I'm not sure, there always a choice to turn back, but turning back mean looking back, that I don't want to do. I keep moving forward, with same thing inside my mind, but I don't show it, only tell some1 that really know me, I know that I telling them the same thing, but the truth is always the same, Sylvester never change.

I thinking a lot now, with recent encounter, thinking is it the way it should be. And just about just now, I get a call for angel, telling me that it is the end for both of us… in my mind, sadden, but my heart had broken too much, tears cant go out, i feel empty, is it the sign that my love had gone. Still when thinking about is, is depress and sad. I haveit too much before this, each time angel contacted me, I was hoping I can see the light, not the sword of Excalibur or sound of harp. Ok, I need a break. Stop all of this now…

1 thing for sure, I'm ok now, fine till I go to bed or wake up, that time is the most unpleasant for me.

come on syl...make a decision.. this is been in my mind... i dont know wat to do... is against my logic thinking.. argh... really wish can share it...

Negative

Hehe. Is way late nite now, and i still havent sleep, not that i don't want to sleep, is just i can't, i having trouble now, something about some1, i really need to move on. But i can't. Now, i'm here all alone. I really don't want expressing my sad mood cos there new person that close to me add me as friend in facebook. To make them know that i'm such a lame person. But wat the heck, i right now need to talk, searching through my contact list in my phone, i can't find any1.

So, what is bothering me right now? Is not about my confuse or speechless post, this is totally different thing. Right now, i'm just angry, tense, gonna hit those i hate, furious, shit about this world, all negative now. Why me? Is there anything more worth than love itself. I feel my life right now is just ignoring the problem. Fuck. I should be more strong.

So. Sometimes i post something stupid, and hope to get attention. Well. That why it make its way up to facebook. Any1 tat care, would drop by, which make my life feel exist. Haha.

Confuse

yah...i'm really confuse.. doesnt know wat to do... i really want to tell.. it just a bit too sensitive.. so how?? really how??

speechless

i dont update my blog because something happen... nothing extraordinary... is just shock... will update soon... as my previous post said.. i dont know why.. the feeling is getting strong... every morning..