everytime i saw some1 that less furtunate than me, i dont know why i cant look at them.. i know i should be thankfull for wat i am now.. but i really dont appriciate wat i got now.. i dont feel pity.. but that pity i just cant show it.. may be i was being selfish.. may be i just care about myself.. the thing is.. i dont have any mood or heart to do it... could be that i feel shame that i think my life are worthless, and they can life even with all the hardship...

i been hurt too much.. still hurting all the time even i tell myself to move on.. even i said i already move on... i know somewhere inside my didnt.. i dont know how.. i always looking positive everyday.. at the end of day, i feeling tired of being pretend happy.. not that i dont do anything... i try... i try... very hard..

the truth is... i still alone here.. till i not feeling alone.. i still have to admit that i still care about cayra... i do try to forget.. but we just can del something in the brain... haha... ya.. i try read book.. try work the sleep early (no life way).. try chatting all day long.. all of this cant fulfill my needs..

love is a funny thing...