This blog is getting less update and less drama. That my life now, a dull life, there nothing i can tell about myself, because, i feel will complain the same thing, i don't who bother read my blog because it is so boring. I only know to whining how i can't leave without cayra. Haha.

So. How my life now? The truth is. My life is getting busy wit my work, although it is barely an engineer work, doing minor work. Is really fill my time in the office, can't wait to work at tuesday because there deadline. My job is to count the longkang, Haha. In malay, sound so lame. My job is doing the drainage, calculate the lenght, no the culvert.

Now, i'm at lbn. Hehe. Everytime i come to this place, i always have the fear. I really can't find peace at here. There other this in my mind. I keep fear for meeting my fear. This blog all the time talk about how i miss her. May be i need to change this. I need talk more about her. I know is this bad idea, and will worsten my healing. But talk something happy could be a cure.

27 august

No sign is better at waging a verbal battle elegantly. I sometimes manage to disagree with such grace that others don't even realize they're being confronted. Now, however, that kind of subtlety will only confuse matters. If I'm anything less that forthright in expressing my views now, I will run into real problems later. L

everytime i saw some1 that less furtunate than me, i dont know why i cant look at them.. i know i should be thankfull for wat i am now.. but i really dont appriciate wat i got now.. i dont feel pity.. but that pity i just cant show it.. may be i was being selfish.. may be i just care about myself.. the thing is.. i dont have any mood or heart to do it... could be that i feel shame that i think my life are worthless, and they can life even with all the hardship...

i been hurt too much.. still hurting all the time even i tell myself to move on.. even i said i already move on... i know somewhere inside my didnt.. i dont know how.. i always looking positive everyday.. at the end of day, i feeling tired of being pretend happy.. not that i dont do anything... i try... i try... very hard..

the truth is... i still alone here.. till i not feeling alone.. i still have to admit that i still care about cayra... i do try to forget.. but we just can del something in the brain... haha... ya.. i try read book.. try work the sleep early (no life way).. try chatting all day long.. all of this cant fulfill my needs..

love is a funny thing...

everynight i do the same thing, everyday... at most i whinning at facebook. chat around to any1 that seem interested to talk to me.. well... all seem the same..

i now read novel to just fill my time, i know is at least something i can do. well. i really wish i can talk to some1, although nothing in my life are interesting.. arh.... bored....

24 August

Ever since early August, the idea has been in the most sensitive angle of my chart, this including find new home, finding new friend, move on wit my life, all of this are from my friend. This meant facing up to all sorts of tricky situations, a lot of them uncomfortable or unsettling. While challenging at the time, on reflection, I realize how many worrying issues I put to rest, I been solving slowly. Slowly looking for house as it was a big decision. About friend, well, I just need to be patient at this time moment. But the other thing about move on, it still herm…. Unrest… well… wat can I say… stuburn and block headed…

21 August

I long ago realized that there are certain times when even the most tactful discussions about relationship issues will achieve nothing. That's been the case since early august. I hope next week, I will be able to tackle even serious dilemmas without dramas of any kind. Hahaha.. hopefully...

Give Up

ywat??? give up wat... i think i gonna give up looking for friend... i still sad being alone.. not that i'm that close my dorr all the time.. i always open to any1.. ok... for most people thinking.. why i cant find people at work.. ok... all of them are married.. they are friendly indeed... but after work or at weekend.. well... just cant hang out wit them.. so.. wat next... none.. go to church and join group there.. well... no lar... i not into praising, sharing, although is good, still i'm not interested.. where next?? club... well... is arkward i go there alone.. and i never been those place... ok... i'm out of idea.. well... better give up.... i still keep look.. just go wit the flow...


so... i will not give up... just try it slowlly.. sad.. dont give up sylvester

19 August

I can deal with almost any challenges as long as the fundamental relationships in my life are stable, but right now, I really wish I got any type of relationship, new friends are welcome. Consequently, at last time, I could find sudden exciting, but unsettling, development in the circumstances of somebody dear to me extremely worrying, this because their reaction will reassure me that their loyalties remain exactly where the always have been. I really wish that happening again…. Can it be dear?

18 August

Discussing potential changes in my work or lifestyle is one thing. But the debates have continued for so long that you're even further away from decision that before. Consequently, I'm been grateful for the decisive move to accent such matters, could be for next week. This should provide the courage necessary to take a stand.

17 august

I’m tried to express my irritation over having been drawn into a commitment that was far more burdensome that i were initially told. But your previous complaints have been brushed off or simply ignored. Right now, I fell that these arrangements are intruding on a practical obligation, and I absolutely must object, and with considerably greater intensity. :(

really impossible

yeah...as the title said..it really feel like impossible to know people by simply chat to them.. well.. nothing is easy... i dont know how again.. as i continue my boring life

12 august

Making promises is easy. But keeping them is an entirely different matter, at the moment, anyway. I’m concerned that necessary changes will upset others, so are hoping for a last minute miracle. Not only is that unlikely, everybody including me is aware of problems, so the fact you’ll need to reorganize things will be no surprise. Life is just like that..

Blogged with the Flock Browser

Hilux

yeah.. today i go drive company car..a hilux..just to hantar people to UMW.. hahaha... feel good about it.. he also belanja me kfc burger.. hehehe..

1 thing that shock me is he arrive ofice faster than me.. i'm the first drive.. leave him to take his car from sercive.. then i go back to office.. arrive at office..saw him.. wah...kk road i need understand more.. need to learn about shortcut..huhuu...

11 august

Other may have often observed that i'm sometimes take things too much to heart. Only now i understand fully what they mean. Recent clashes were causing i considerable concern.-

them i'm talked them over with some1 involve, and learned, first, how litte they care and, secondly, that i'm have taken their words far too seriously.

unbearable and still move on

hey..this thing is inside me long time.. even that i'm seem ok and fine.. but deep inside always in pain.. since u both combine and create a baby.. that time.. i know is losing all the hope.. all my dream crumable down.. i cant make any decision.. even going back to labuan i also cancel... argh.... day after day.. i let my day passes...the only thing i get from that is i drifted even further.. in losing direction on you dear.. i been on wild goose chase.. chasing an impossible dream.. went into inside the fog.. and found myself lost.. occasionally meet some1 that are helpfull.. still i refuse get help from them..but they had been a great friend to me.. thank u so much...

so... i admit.. after that day.. my life i feel are changing.. being positive and negative at same time.. positive about my life and negative on unable to move on.. well.. that my life now.. i really feel sorry of myself.. pity me... :(

so.. wat now.. well... let everything to God decided.. Cayra.. i still had same feeling wit u.. i try to move on.. to all my friend, i'm sorry for saying all of this..i know some are dissapointed because i still the same.. at least i'm improve a bit..