yesterday i went to mas cargo.. i send my motorcycle back to labuan...the journey from my place (shah alam) to klia is so long, is like 2 hours of driving... this is because i was lost on the way...i use federal highway, hahaha...i follow the signboard to klia, but suddenly the signboard stop show sign of the klia...then i just go to sign to seremban, just i knew it was nilai and sepang..i know i was close but unfutunately, i already use a longway to reach klia...damn tired... and guess wat...at the area airport..i also lost again...i cant find my way to mas cargo... the other thing i worried about is my fuel.. is almost empty.... well...ask a few person... then i find mas cargo...go to Kastam, then everything settle... yeah..i finally had send my motor to labuan.... it cost like 750...
at night, i go wacth movie...it was all so sudden to go to the cinema at 10 to watch ANGEL AND DEMON. it was an intersthing movie. is not as deadly as the da vinci code but it still intersthing...the election of pope, the churches at rome... all this thing make want to go to rome and have priglimage at rome..
so.. have i get off my fear..still no..i just didnt think of it... but now while writing on it... i think about it.. i need to be strong... i need to not be afraid.. i also think about myself of being alone..i know they other people are even more unlucky from me...so wat i think about meaning of alone? i know i started feel alone when some1 abondoned me, that time i feel the world really coming down.. that alone feeling keep growing till i feel everything also make me feel alone, just that small thing..that some1... time passes and i LOOK strong, still inside me are not, that y i write this blog, knowing this blog is a public blog and any1 can read it..feel that i'm not alone, but this.. i need some help, i need get closure from that some1, not now but someday.. someday that i overcome this feeling of alone, and i feel special in all way..
then there is my problem with love, not love to the special 1, but love, i love all people around me, i really like to express it everytime, but it will sound so gay. i already found the cure and i searching for the cure, i need a pet..a dog... after go back to labuan, may be i will search for a dog. hahaha...
i still need stop dreaming..i keep remind myself to let go and move on.... i try to do...i write all the time in the post...i need to move on... and 1 thing that u right, i need to expect something small.. not dream something big, i need to be open minded in every corner, just that sometimes when i receive something good, i really wish i can share it. i grateful of cos, but still, keep to yourself and this make me feel alone. i have nobody to share to.. did u every play sims? they have different aspiration, family, money, knowledge, mine could be romantic. hahaha... i'm not that person that have basic thing of my life, like job, car, salary, house, and most important a friend that u can call at night. i dont have those. but looking at u, i'm the most unlucky person, u mean i guessing most of people.. even they in problem, they still got some1 to depend on. wat about me??? i just depend on the spechless blog. i being reject by real friend just because of me, my personality, u know it that i share most of my feeling in the blog, that personality, people rejected me!!! is me.... i like share and be shared, i describe
i guess my life is not that suck because i have my family, still i cant be myself because i always pretend i'm happy, i need to feel happy, dont everytime, in some moment, a tears coming out. because inside me are suffering. i love my living life, but i hate the journey, the journey of keep moving forward.. i can describe the my journey like, looking back after each step and there no light in the front. i need to change that view of my journey. may be next time but i sure i will write it down. well... there something i want write it down but i cant, is too private to me and too offensive to some1, is about 4th paragraph. let it go and keep moving k syl...
hey thanks for any1 that helped me, i know u still care. sorry if i said i dont... thanks for the comment. i really appreciate that u read this, and u write about it. this blog is for my healing process. everyday i try to look different view of my life. find the enlightenment path. i know it help me view in different way, compare with others, to open my mind there something even worst. still my definition of alone and love is different to me. i just want to share it. thanks to every1.
so....i need to stop writing. is too long already.. still got lots..but need to stop now.
No comments:
Post a Comment