This blog is getting less update and less drama. That my life now, a dull life, there nothing i can tell about myself, because, i feel will complain the same thing, i don't who bother read my blog because it is so boring. I only know to whining how i can't leave without cayra. Haha.

So. How my life now? The truth is. My life is getting busy wit my work, although it is barely an engineer work, doing minor work. Is really fill my time in the office, can't wait to work at tuesday because there deadline. My job is to count the longkang, Haha. In malay, sound so lame. My job is doing the drainage, calculate the lenght, no the culvert.

Now, i'm at lbn. Hehe. Everytime i come to this place, i always have the fear. I really can't find peace at here. There other this in my mind. I keep fear for meeting my fear. This blog all the time talk about how i miss her. May be i need to change this. I need talk more about her. I know is this bad idea, and will worsten my healing. But talk something happy could be a cure.

27 august

No sign is better at waging a verbal battle elegantly. I sometimes manage to disagree with such grace that others don't even realize they're being confronted. Now, however, that kind of subtlety will only confuse matters. If I'm anything less that forthright in expressing my views now, I will run into real problems later. L

everytime i saw some1 that less furtunate than me, i dont know why i cant look at them.. i know i should be thankfull for wat i am now.. but i really dont appriciate wat i got now.. i dont feel pity.. but that pity i just cant show it.. may be i was being selfish.. may be i just care about myself.. the thing is.. i dont have any mood or heart to do it... could be that i feel shame that i think my life are worthless, and they can life even with all the hardship...

i been hurt too much.. still hurting all the time even i tell myself to move on.. even i said i already move on... i know somewhere inside my didnt.. i dont know how.. i always looking positive everyday.. at the end of day, i feeling tired of being pretend happy.. not that i dont do anything... i try... i try... very hard..

the truth is... i still alone here.. till i not feeling alone.. i still have to admit that i still care about cayra... i do try to forget.. but we just can del something in the brain... haha... ya.. i try read book.. try work the sleep early (no life way).. try chatting all day long.. all of this cant fulfill my needs..

love is a funny thing...

everynight i do the same thing, everyday... at most i whinning at facebook. chat around to any1 that seem interested to talk to me.. well... all seem the same..

i now read novel to just fill my time, i know is at least something i can do. well. i really wish i can talk to some1, although nothing in my life are interesting.. arh.... bored....

24 August

Ever since early August, the idea has been in the most sensitive angle of my chart, this including find new home, finding new friend, move on wit my life, all of this are from my friend. This meant facing up to all sorts of tricky situations, a lot of them uncomfortable or unsettling. While challenging at the time, on reflection, I realize how many worrying issues I put to rest, I been solving slowly. Slowly looking for house as it was a big decision. About friend, well, I just need to be patient at this time moment. But the other thing about move on, it still herm…. Unrest… well… wat can I say… stuburn and block headed…

21 August

I long ago realized that there are certain times when even the most tactful discussions about relationship issues will achieve nothing. That's been the case since early august. I hope next week, I will be able to tackle even serious dilemmas without dramas of any kind. Hahaha.. hopefully...

Give Up

ywat??? give up wat... i think i gonna give up looking for friend... i still sad being alone.. not that i'm that close my dorr all the time.. i always open to any1.. ok... for most people thinking.. why i cant find people at work.. ok... all of them are married.. they are friendly indeed... but after work or at weekend.. well... just cant hang out wit them.. so.. wat next... none.. go to church and join group there.. well... no lar... i not into praising, sharing, although is good, still i'm not interested.. where next?? club... well... is arkward i go there alone.. and i never been those place... ok... i'm out of idea.. well... better give up.... i still keep look.. just go wit the flow...


so... i will not give up... just try it slowlly.. sad.. dont give up sylvester

19 August

I can deal with almost any challenges as long as the fundamental relationships in my life are stable, but right now, I really wish I got any type of relationship, new friends are welcome. Consequently, at last time, I could find sudden exciting, but unsettling, development in the circumstances of somebody dear to me extremely worrying, this because their reaction will reassure me that their loyalties remain exactly where the always have been. I really wish that happening again…. Can it be dear?

18 August

Discussing potential changes in my work or lifestyle is one thing. But the debates have continued for so long that you're even further away from decision that before. Consequently, I'm been grateful for the decisive move to accent such matters, could be for next week. This should provide the courage necessary to take a stand.

17 august

I’m tried to express my irritation over having been drawn into a commitment that was far more burdensome that i were initially told. But your previous complaints have been brushed off or simply ignored. Right now, I fell that these arrangements are intruding on a practical obligation, and I absolutely must object, and with considerably greater intensity. :(

really impossible

yeah...as the title said..it really feel like impossible to know people by simply chat to them.. well.. nothing is easy... i dont know how again.. as i continue my boring life

12 august

Making promises is easy. But keeping them is an entirely different matter, at the moment, anyway. I’m concerned that necessary changes will upset others, so are hoping for a last minute miracle. Not only is that unlikely, everybody including me is aware of problems, so the fact you’ll need to reorganize things will be no surprise. Life is just like that..

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Hilux

yeah.. today i go drive company car..a hilux..just to hantar people to UMW.. hahaha... feel good about it.. he also belanja me kfc burger.. hehehe..

1 thing that shock me is he arrive ofice faster than me.. i'm the first drive.. leave him to take his car from sercive.. then i go back to office.. arrive at office..saw him.. wah...kk road i need understand more.. need to learn about shortcut..huhuu...

11 august

Other may have often observed that i'm sometimes take things too much to heart. Only now i understand fully what they mean. Recent clashes were causing i considerable concern.-

them i'm talked them over with some1 involve, and learned, first, how litte they care and, secondly, that i'm have taken their words far too seriously.

unbearable and still move on

hey..this thing is inside me long time.. even that i'm seem ok and fine.. but deep inside always in pain.. since u both combine and create a baby.. that time.. i know is losing all the hope.. all my dream crumable down.. i cant make any decision.. even going back to labuan i also cancel... argh.... day after day.. i let my day passes...the only thing i get from that is i drifted even further.. in losing direction on you dear.. i been on wild goose chase.. chasing an impossible dream.. went into inside the fog.. and found myself lost.. occasionally meet some1 that are helpfull.. still i refuse get help from them..but they had been a great friend to me.. thank u so much...

so... i admit.. after that day.. my life i feel are changing.. being positive and negative at same time.. positive about my life and negative on unable to move on.. well.. that my life now.. i really feel sorry of myself.. pity me... :(

so.. wat now.. well... let everything to God decided.. Cayra.. i still had same feeling wit u.. i try to move on.. to all my friend, i'm sorry for saying all of this..i know some are dissapointed because i still the same.. at least i'm improve a bit..

7 august

I have reviewing a number of certain ongoing obligations, i could be altered some of it. But sometimes, i been forced to acknowledge that, in a few, i remaine involved purely because i'm so dread th reaction i will get from other if i'm saying i'm want out..

at work, i really wanted to learn about all the company ever did.. And the company want go vacation but i can't go because still not yet 1 years working.. Anyway.. I like to involve..

i really wish something happen in my social life which i have none

harry potter

Yeah.. I watched happy potter already.. I wanted to watch this movie since it premier.. but none wan to watch wit me.. Lucky.. Out of nowhere and without any plan.. I found some1 that willing to watch wit me.. Yeah.. Ok.. Let's talk about the movie itself.. A short review

the beginning had show the bad guy cause chaos on the real world.. I can't understand that much on it.. See the awesome collapse of london bridge.. Yeah.. Then we go to see harry.. Hehe.. He already well know for being the chosen 1. The school are also tighten their security.. But this movie had lots of comedy and romantice.. got kissing.. Well.. I guess they need to grown up.. Hehe.. There have not much on action.. Just mostly story telling.. Well.. If i given the choose to watch it again.. I certainly would say that after i know more about the story.. Then i watch again so that i know what will happen..

anyway.. Thanks to my friend that watch movie wit me.. I glad i able to watch it.. And my first experience in town at night.. Thank you so much

6 august

Certain habit always streamline my day.. They help my deal wit tasks swiftly, and never without even thinking about them.

however, the actual circumstances involved are in transition, which means some of there will need to be adjusted, if not substantially altered. I need to begin the process of review now and changes can be made without undue complication..

change my life and start a new life mean i need to change some of my habits.. Well.. Slowly then..

5 august

There is a moment that i come to decide whether i'm willing to invest yet more time, energy, money and HEART in a certain objective.. Because i once believe in those thing..

but situation had changed and i could be change too.. I would never know.. Difficult as letting go of there may be, i must admit there several other goals far more worthy of my efforts..

nevertheless.. I still hoping the same thing.. But now, i got far greater thing to do.. I always ask please give me another chance.. Foolish of me

4 august

Certain situations in my life could be have reached crisis point.. But some people don't see it that way, which means they've adopted a worryingly easygoing approach to urgent decision..

ish.. I need talk to them frankly.. If they still don't want listen to wat need to be done.. Talk again.. And i have to letting them know that i'm simply have to make those decisions without them..

argh. Why life must be so hard..

3 august

I know nobody has a better knack for dealing wit difficult situation.. I alway have a litte charm and a subtle message of what i'm expected from others.. Hehe.. I don't realise i'm doing it because it is so natural..

but things right now is more complex.. I could be have no choice but adopt direct approach.. Hehe.. Need to belanja they all pizza, they already talk about it for ages..

sad

Yeah.. I sad now.. Who care? None kan.. This world is unfair to me, i being abandon.. Ish.. What??! You think that there plan for me, even better 1. Bullshit. I wait already.. Wait.. And make me even sad.. Even lonely.. Where were i anyway.. Already start a new life? Ish.. Not i don't want.. I do want.. But what it get to me.. Nothing.. My old life is even better.. Being care and being love.. Now.. Fuk off.. Sad and lonely.. What can i do.. I try.. I try.. But none are working.. I'm still nobody.. Still unknown.. Could be known as desperado.. I really hate.. Love didn't fall from tree.. But some had fall on them everyday.. Throw th old 1, take the new one.. Even better.. Ish.. See this world.. Unfair.. Yeah.. Have a better plan for me? Well.. I'm broken and old.. What better will coming? It wont be better.. Suck..

i'm don't know why i'm angry so much.. But.. I really sad.. I really want to shout.. As i knew, this world will serve me wrong..

Another boring sunday

yes...today, right now... i feel i got nothing to do.. sometimes at this moment.. i really hate myself.. i cant be positive on every weekend.. sometimes i want to back labuan... but that just even hurt me more.. i leave this world hoping the pass is the pass.. but it still the same.. i hope thing changes fast.. but wat i get is i feel same like last time.. well.. i know some people care... but it just hard to being not alone.. ish......

yesterday i attend wedding at Dinawan island... hehe.. is kinda fun... the journey to the islans took about 40 mints... but 1 thing the really enjoyable about the riding is we all get wet.. haha.. the wave is like 1 meters.. haha... some of the passenger really scare.. well... my butt is really in pain due..adui... anyway.. the wedding is just only makan2..so.. nothing special. the whole island is belong to him...wow... well i really hope i can meet some new friends at there... but.. well... all are not local people and from miri.. anyway.. i need to study more.. haha..

back to this sunday... well i damn bored.. why no strenght from me... ish... i hope that some1 will care... ish... is just a dream... so.. hope times go quickly till monday... and i start to work, yeah!!!... go go go time....