Tuesday, June 30, 2009
no facebook, no messenger.. nothing can fill my loneliness now... ish... i just took a few good friend no during my holiday..i hope they can help... how i wish it was u...
Monday, June 29, 2009
Sunday, June 28, 2009
just now, i went to Cayra parent house... just want to inform them that i going this wednessday... there are happy for me as i got a job... hehe... and also happy i'm visiting them...
a part of me feel that in so happy at that place... this where we spend most of the time... well... is also sad that it is just memories... i know i shouldnt go there... but i need to tell them that i got a job, is something that they will proud of...
my mind still cant let it go.... the lies.... the pain that i endured... i wish life a simple as we planned.. nothing is perfect...
i ever tell some1 about fairy tales that seem so perfect... she said life isnt fairy tales... welll...life is not perfect, but if we have the will and determiantion.. we can create 1... so... i know my life are not perfect, but i can always make my life 1 step closer to it.
we talk about how silly love can be and how pain it create.. Is been a while that i talk about love to other people except this blog.. I told her how is feel like to meet some1 that is so prefect.. For me, i'm sure is piano, singing, confident speaker, wonderfull writing and dancing.. I'm so happy, all this had kept inside me, i never express my love to other people.. She stood there listen. I know i need to move on and you all know talking about this wont help.. But it actually wrong.. Talk about love and our love to some1 can make me feel happy.. Happy is needed to make a push for a positive move.. That what i need right now, be happy wit my life.. No more sad and lonely
we also talk about the other family, the family of our boy friend or girl friend. Is actually hard to let go once trust is given from them.. She don't want disappoint the other family, and i will never too.. Being accept in a family is important.. Well.. I do get.. But. Now.. Herm..
i also ask suggestion about some1, some1 that is single and suit me, but i feel is a small chance that it will happening.. Haha..
so.. Tonight.. I feel great. Thanks to her..
Friday, June 26, 2009
Last Chance Harvey.. is a sad story... a divorce dad, harvey have to struggli to make a living by playing jazz piano for ad... in the movie, the producer want younger talent so he had to let go of harvey... but this movie is not about harvey job... is about his life.. in this movie, he went to his daughter wedding... he discover that he had miss her daughter life, her daughter had more closer to her step father... the intense of this movie start when her daughter ask her step father to let her go on the wedding ceremony... harvey became so heart broken... he feel he been alienate in the family... on the other side of the world, similar path on a stewardess, she is a single lady... well her life is like mine life, lonely and boring... hehehe.. ok ok...well.. this movie is all about taking chance, as both of them meet each other and became good friend in just 1 night .... so...this movie is great.. it remind of me that i just need to look for oppurnity and the oppurnity always come in silent... u never know it even in front of ur eye... taking chance when u know it was the best for u... hehehe.. yeah... 7 out of 10 this movie..
18 Year Old Virgin..herm..this movie is bad.. really really bad... full of naked scene... is about a girl want to lose her virginity.... well... lame topic to make a move... in my mind why must this night... is there no other night..... huhu.... ok.... 2 out of 10 for the movie.. and 7 out of 10 for sex comedy and nude scene... this totally not my type of movie... some may be consider best ...:p
knowing.. this movie interest me because it play by Nicolas Cage...basicly this story about knowing the future.... kinda bored... lots of number.. litte of action.... but the accident scene were awesome... hehehe... i love see the effect of commercial airplane drop down the sky... and the subware train derail inside the tunnel... nicolas cage play its role nice.. well.. ok..that all about it... 6 out of 10
Street Fighter: The Legend of Chun-Li.. ok this movie is all about chun-li..great introduction to the street fighter.. well there no street fighter.. is all about chunli... u know about like marvel did? make a super hero movie like the hulk and iron men.. is all connected... well... is same with capcom did... is about chunli... is a great movie, location at bangkok... it capture the life of chunli every much, hunt down Bison, train by Gen... here... sadlyVega dead in the movie.. and the bison bos die too... hehehe... u must be wondering who will be villian on the next movie... owh.. 1 thing again...ryu are the next..i guess....6 out of 10 for the fighting scene
to tell u the truth, i really don want this path. this path that i choose because my current situation. why dont i just work at labuan, the life would be simple, everything are provided. but thing arent go as we planned... first of all... i been dump... second... i emotional and cant move on.. third... i sick wit my life... i need to leave labuan because everytime i'm here, my mind cant stop thinking about her, everytime i go out to town, i really wish i can saw her and the same time i scare to meet her... going to church, send my sibling to tuition, as usual my eye and my mind cant stop looking and thinking... i know i such a desperado.. i really are.... this happen when u love some1 so much and u cant let go..
life must go on... well.. wat can i do?? i just work work work... being alone i strangter town... there no place i can go... going to mall alone... no.... going watch movie alone... no... may be i need to find new friend... yeah... like she did... find a new dependable friend, dump the old 1... yeah... that easy way to start a new life.. well...i have to do it..find a new friend... if not, welcome OT, work work work... have a lifeless life... suck ah... may be my head will became bold..
ok ok...i like to talk about my sadness.. if i follow my heart now, it will be stay here, work here, and get ur love of my life... hahaha..my heart doesnt care being broken lots of times.. i the 1 that do feel the pain.. better get out this place..dont be stupid syl.. u know the reallity we two will never be happening again... dont keep on suffering... ok... the way to do that is... out of labuan and start a new 1... end of story
Wednesday, June 24, 2009
girlfriend experience is about escort girl, this escort girl is played by Sasha Grey, who is a pornstar. olright.... well.. she is high class call girl, and she have a boy friend. so that make this story interesting. so... some of it talks about America economic, how the stimulus plan work. but it also show an inside of a high class call girl work. she choice her client by looking at the background, the family, and the reason of her client. but at the same time she would like to increase her rate. her date wit her client is like be a girlfriend, listen the client, make client feel he is at other place. so.. how the boyfriend feel about it?? well they make a rules.. by studying the background of the client, and 1 important thing, is it had to be done at town... hehe.. the connection between the client seem to be real but is artificial but the relationship between her boyfriend is real.. wat trouble me is some part of the movie, the script, it remind me of conversation i ever had... well... those frustrate moment.... damn... ok..the movie... 6 out of 10
12 rounds...hehe...this movie is kinda cheap... well..mission save the girlfriend... go there..go here... hehe... blow thing there...well... i love the end puzzle where everything is connected.. but the development of the story.. is not that great.. the acting, is full of bullshit.. especially the FBI agent... but i said i again...the puzzle is great... hehe.. 5 out of 10
more movie soon... 5 coming out.. herm... transformer... hope labuan cinema got it...
Tuesday, June 23, 2009
as we grown up, you had ddevelop your mind, to be somebody else.. i know u always choice the right path.. u know the outcome are for ur best..keep moving forward and have all the help u need... i know the pass i always tell u wat to do, for my best, i could be forget wat teamwork mean.. i thanks for ur patient and ur caring altidude..but now, nothing can change ur mind becauese wat i had done you, you realise is bad, you heart are not feel the same way as before.. how i wish u give me chance again, i'm sure this time i would open my eye and ear..
the way u leave, the way u run away... i have to say is a brave move.. one in this world albe to be tat strong, with every1 around u opposite opinion, i have turn them against u, i know u still got ur friend that help u escape the devil.. i know am i bad person, no word can change ur heart now.. our time together had change u alot, i think u know that, u from trouble girl to be a strong independent sucesfull girl that live the life in the fullest..
time had passes and i still misses..i unable the forget the pain, the joy... i know i need to move forward, in lonely path.. and sad path.. my life now are empty..i keep finding oppornity the feel my jar, yet, i dont have that much luck.. i try..try.. there not thing perfect in our life... each person had its own weakness..
i know u still look on person the u left, i know that u still care... u happy for them if there are happy too...hehehe.. i know u are a caring person.. lastly.. i want to tell u just keep move forward... forward ur career, achive ur dream, show that u are bettter person but dont compare it.. a better person can mean u out of sins and able to contribute to the world..
this were inside me since yet yesterday... i feel regret if i dont tell it.. i know that is not for me, is for fathers day, but i feel it is same apply to me....well... happy dreaming syl.... keep move on sylvester... got i job... feel missing in this world and my life... i wish thing change again... just pick up the phone and call.. i too heavy to do
it.. hope u can do it
coraline is a 3d puppet movie, the storyline is kinda interesting, where by a child are being abandon by busy parent, coraline is the child, a weird name. she like to explore the surrounding of her new house as she just move in... the new house had history on it.. 1 funny thing about the new house, as basement of the house, live 2 lady,those 2 lady want an angel dog, so they make the dog wit a shirt of an angel... on the artic of the house, live a monkey trainer that perfomn..haha.. well she explore the house and found a small door.. this small door is a magic door... it leave to the other world.. coraline go to the other door a found the opposite of her family..a caring family.... later she found out the this family is only illusion that like to trap small children.. she also found out the other ghostly children that cant go to heaven because the evil family take thier eye... hehehe..caroline make a deal to play a game wit the family... she escape and rescue the ghost chilhren by returning thier eye.... the soundtrack of this movie is great!!! i love it...
Horsemen is kinda boring story.. but the writer is good... it able to develop the story to became very intesthing.. the 4 horsemen from bible... the abonden children.. all of this make this movie great... it just hard to understand... the role of the parent.. the role model of a bigger brother.. the abuse of parent to children.. well this movie is good to the father and to be father..
fired up... this movie is ok as is not my type of movie... lots of chearleader.. i love the way the chear... well is a cheerleader camp and this 2 guy want be apart of it... well this movie is not for me...
that all i can to say.. hehe.. there something in my heart that i want to tell.. later post i post it
Monday, June 22, 2009
next movie i watch is 27 dresses. right now i hate to watch romantic movie because there no romantic in me now, but i know i love that watch it because i love fairy tales... well.. i have to watch this movie because katherine Heigl were the star of it.. hehe... is from grey anatomy. the movie is about a gurl that had been bridemates for 27 times. she do it because she love to help people, i wondering why people dont want this kind gurl. later i realise that she love her boss. hehee.no wonder she didnt open for other people. wel... may be i just like me, but i pretty open up to others, still inside me are the same... ok..back to he movie.. ok.. there were the other guy, a columist that write about marrige. he try to know write story about katherine for being 27 bridemate, as she herself never get her own special day... hehe...i spoil most story to u all... one thing i learn from this story is he special some1 that u always wait may be is not the 1. she could the other person that we all dont know, may be some1 that we every hurt or been hurted.. is all easy to say, but to do it... to let go that special some1 we admired all the time, is seem impossible... like katherine did, she kiss her boss and found there no connection.. well.. wat should i did to know she is not the 1? i could be an old folk if i wait... i never try to wait, i open to something new, just always looking back...
next movie i watched is the game plan, is the rock movie... hehehe.. i watch this movie a couple times and it still touches me. i so emotional watch this movie... i feel i want to cry when watch the Peyton leave Joe... is always a sad thing... later in the story where they all knew that the mum had pass away... and Peyton have to leave her dad because the career.. well..is sad.. but the ending is nice... they were back together... 1 thing make look sad is the balletrina.. i remind me of some1, i dont know she still pratices or not.... i never see her perform... never got the chance.. i sure she is an excellent dance now.... happy for her.. zero for me....
well.. there lots more movie i will watch... this is wat i do.....
Friday, June 19, 2009
so...wat i telling them... i said it all depend on u... wat is ur path... do u want to study? do u want to work?? to learn something new?? is all depend on us... but every decision had its own outcome.. well...if u taking study, u need to pay for it, unless u can study part time, and work part time, but in engineering, work part time is kinda impossible, unless u are a manager or something, handling a project required dedication. so.. study required money, u can take loan, or just from parent, still we need to think about it?? does this burden people around us, our parent, our future to pay for it, and does it have benefit. well...study to mater level had lots of benefit, me myself would like to take master level. it just i have lots of little brother.. so i consider to work... master of me is another way to earn knowlagde, a piece of knowlagde that an industri cant give us... it make us versitatile in that field. it make us more understand how and why the engineering work. it is very important..
how about work?? ok... she ask me because she get accepted to GAMUDA, well..that her think twice about rejecting it... is a big company. and it will waste the opportunity.. well..if choice work, we can able to stand on ourself, u have total control on our life, is a big company and sure athe salary are big... but why so eager to work?? may be because lifetime opportunity is hard to come by. it we lose it, we will never get it... i know the 1 person had this type of opportunity, well, she took she took the job, this because she consider her background, she dont have anything at that time, study will cost more money, so.. she took the right move by accepting the job.. to help herself, and the family... so.. working is not that bad... consider we got a dergee, is enough to be an engineer.. working experince can taught us alot too.. working experince will teach us to be more indepedent on our work, more decision we can hanlde, and at last, working experince making us a more responsible engineer...
so..the other path is take the work and then after 2- 5 years... well.. continue study... but do u have the will to take it?? do u strong enough to open book once 5 years leave to book.. u have any family?? study and leave the job is not good of making our own family... well.. that thng need to be consider.. herm...i perhaps can take tat path.... :P... 5 years working experience and a master... i have the best of both world....
so...i know people there thinking about this... i just want to say..trust urself.. decide ur path and goal... think every posibble path and see the outcome... choise wat is best for u and ur heart... remember.. is all depend on u....there nothing wrong... i choice my path... is became profesional engineer.. may be after that i take master... a lonely guy... path....
Thursday, June 18, 2009
as i grow up, i don't have real hobbies.. I love gaming.. But something stop me, money. Buying a computer is expensive.. Well.. My life is mostly study.. There another passion which is reading and writing.. I like to read detective story.. Write anything..
well.. As i develop, i slowly like high culture thing. I like to speak english, even my english is broken.. Hehe.. I did join the debat team, but is a bad idea.. I have interest in instrumental music, mostly classical.. Hehe.. I like people that speak english, play piano and outgoing.. Seem that is all opposite from me..
then i go to a bigger city, i enjoy the fine dining food.. Something like secret recipe, kenny roger, nandos, sushi king. I also like fashion.. Myself are not so fashion. But somehow, when i go to mall, i feel. I feel.. I feel that i need to bring some1 to this mall, share shopping opinion. Well.. I never have that chance to shop wit her.. Never feel the joy of shopping..
the other thing i like i also nature, i like place that is peacefull, cold temperature, and full of nature.. I really wish go to kundasang wit her, but that only a wish..
1 other thing is my life mostly influence by cayra, she always i look up, she is special in all kind.. Without her, my life will be dull.. Thanks dear.. I also would like share everything to her.. You know, i save all the happiness that i get, and wish i can give to her, place like waterfall, kundasang, fine dining.. All of this i would like to share wit her.. Well.. I waste it..
ok.. There lots more i want to tell.. Every moment i wish i can write this as i like to share my feeling..
Tuesday, June 16, 2009
so.. Anything happen at monday.. Nothing much.. I need to make a to do list, because everyday i feel i want to do something but i don't do it.. I hate my life.. I need to be happy.. I need stop thinking about her..
Saturday, June 13, 2009
so.. What do i really think? Is my pass.. I think later i will tell.. I really miss her now.. Do i know she already got some1 else? I don't know.. I really don't want to know.. i scare to know.. Each time i think of it, i got a creep feeling.. Ish.. Now i'm scare.. My head feel dizzy.. Please lord.. I can't take it..
Friday, June 12, 2009
if i were a bit happy on those day.. Will there be different.? If there have some1 supported me, cheer me, care about me.. Well.. That will be nice.. Well i got none of those.. But i can't blame my situation.. Is my fault too.. Didn't move on..
ok.. Now i got my result.. So? Whats up? I still think about her.. May be i could call her and tell her.. Haha she wont answer..
today i did something stupid.. I drive my sis to fp for piano class, i need to wait for 45 min.. Guess what.. I lazy to wait then i drive back home.. Stupid right? Wasting oil.. Haha.. I just hate being alone.. Dah lar my life is suck.. Every moment i wait make me feel suffer.. I wish i got happy life.. I try to.. But something always in my mind.. Is her.. I need to move on.. Need to forget.. I just can't.. Well.. Come on..
i really wish can talk to her..
Thursday, June 11, 2009
i wondering how she doing. Is been a while i didn't heard from her.. I know she do care.. I know she do look after me.. But wat stopping her from to do it? Is because of me? That i still over her.. What?
i'm now install the sims 3 hehe.. Excited..
Wednesday, June 10, 2009
i just woke up and saw this high school musical..i love this song...hahaha..i love female voice..but hearing this song again remind of me.. i always think of miracle could be happening anytime soon..fairytale... dream... my feeling.. the truth... all in a 1 song... the smile u give to me... make me really happy.. but then u change.. now i really lonely.. i left alone...change haven't come upon me.. i know being wit u could just a fairy tales, a dream..i won come true.. :(.. i always confuse wit my feeling ..all because i love being wit u... my heart belong to you...
i always asking myself what i'm missing? Till some1 change her feeling.. Looking to your desire last time.. You like cute guy, perhap western.. Not skinny and yet not fat, outgoing, a bit bad guy altitude, got a job. That all i can think of now.. Well.. I have none of those..
why i thinking of this now? Because is in my mind now. Hey.. Reader.. Does love can turn to hate? Or even emptiness.. In my case.. I still love.. Heart have different way tell us that.. You try to hate but you get pierce in the heart because love strong inside me..
good night.. Love you and miss you.. Muah.. Long time didn't say that.. Love you too and miss you too.. Muah..
Tuesday, June 9, 2009
the movie tell that miley need to leave hannah because she hardly manage herself.. At the end, she tell about her secret at her hometown.. Being famous had hurt lots of people that know miley including her family.. Lots more to tell but you gotta see it
well.. If i had a choice to choose, i will choose being famous because my normal life suck.. Being a rock star and became spoil.. Because deep inside me still the normal person and i hate my normal life, famous mean can have anything, but without love and care.. Being other character could be a wise choice to not show every1 that you not happy.. I think i playing other character now..
well.. I think this blog are my home, where i feel free that about myself.. This is real me.. A weak person.. You saw me, i'm look ok, that the other person..
hey.. I just my blog on facebook.. For every1 that come from there.. Welcome! Sad blog..
she wont fall back to you sylvester, accept it.. Why you still hurtin your self by believe something impossible.. I know i should let go.. Arghhh. All this time i had been feeling alone.. All my feeling.. Well.. Only this blog know.. I been left like this.. I really sad..
i always feel the other side will not help me.. You know.. Why? Why i still hoping for love.. Michelle point me out that i got my career to be looking forward for.. I want be a professional engineer.. Well.. I told her there no point i'm looking forward for my career.. What make me really happy is love some1 and being loved.. Is wat i really are.. I have that desire.. Well.. My life will be not happy.. I know it.. I going to a path that full of sadness, suffering.. I don't want choose this path.. But it already happening
i know i'm weak dear.. But please care for me.. That what i'm hoping for.. It ain't happening.. I'm sorry if i say something not nice on last post.. But it could be true.. We never know what had change for last 6 month..
Monday, June 8, 2009
going to church, praying the same thing, hoping find some1 at there.. Well.. She not there.. May be i try to call.. Nah.. She wont answer.. Well.. I hate my life.. Even i open up for something new, it ain't coming.. My life is too bored to attract something new..
guess what happen again.. I saw her.. Where.. Nowhere.. Just a picture of her.. How she look like? Improve and happy.. So? May be happy without me or wit some1 new.. Well.. I miss her.. I can only look her, she don't care about me, i better move on. Suck right.. Yeah.. My life is suck.. I'm all alone.. She may be not.. She may be hugging some1 right now.. Damn.. I really miss her. End of story..
Friday, June 5, 2009
well.. Going back to labuan again.. In the same express ferry, i remember some bad things happen in the ferry.. Where i been sit alone.. Those sad days, now just a memories, still those memories is strong in my mind.. I really wish it happen again.. Even it bad, but still are together.. Well.. I need to move on..
at lbn, nothing i'm hoping for.. I gonna be same.. I still hold th same wish that will never come true.. What else that can keep me alive beside that..
Thursday, June 4, 2009
after the interview, we straight away go to keningau, is a 3 hour journey.. Damn bored.. At keningau, i went to my father's kazen house..
after that.. On wednesday, i go back to my Kampung at kuala penyu, spend there for 1 night..
yesterday i feel like is a special day for me.. Is a 6 for me.. Anyway.. I always remember the date.. I now miss some1 so much.. I know the other side i had no hope.. But hopefully, if i work at kk.. I can move on.. But stil my heart feel like stay at lbn.
Tuesday, June 2, 2009
and then i went to shopping at central point.. I buy lots of thing.. Parent sponser.. My parent feel weird wit thing that i brought.. All too fashionable..
the working at kk is not my idea in the first place.. Before this i planning to work at lbn to be wit some1 close. But now thing seem to change, for me at lbn, i feel suffer because i always feel she around me.. All the memories is like yesterday.. Well.. At least i can be alone again at kk.. Sad..
hey.. 1 special day for me is close, and i feel i need to do something, although that thing is useless.. Ok.. Wish me luck for tomoro interview..