Tuesday, June 30, 2009

going le.... bye... bye... bye.... too heavy to move...

tears..... hate it....
so...today is the last day.... well...i hate it.. being apart that i lie to myself... that this my choice kunun... is not.. ish.... why i'm that hard and stubborn... i need just go on wit my life... i hate it...

no facebook, no messenger.. nothing can fill my loneliness now... ish... i just took a few good friend no during my holiday..i hope they can help... how i wish it was u...

Monday, June 29, 2009

lost contact

When think of it.. I will have no pc at kk.. I'm fear that it will depress me.. I can update my blog.. But all this time, yahoo messenger and facebook had been friend for me.. Damn.. I scare i will be lonely.. Huh.. Anyone can borrow me a laptop.. Please.. Hehe..

Sunday, June 28, 2009

herm.. i been counting my day... tomoro is my last day i'm at labuan... there lots of thing in my mind... i need to settle my car, license and ticket.... everything seem last minit... i feel heavy to move on... even now, i'm really sad...

just now, i went to Cayra parent house... just want to inform them that i going this wednessday... there are happy for me as i got a job... hehe... and also happy i'm visiting them...

a part of me feel that in so happy at that place... this where we spend most of the time... well... is also sad that it is just memories... i know i shouldnt go there... but i need to tell them that i got a job, is something that they will proud of...

my mind still cant let it go.... the lies.... the pain that i endured... i wish life a simple as we planned.. nothing is perfect...

i ever tell some1 about fairy tales that seem so perfect... she said life isnt fairy tales... welll...life is not perfect, but if we have the will and determiantion.. we can create 1... so... i know my life are not perfect, but i can always make my life 1 step closer to it.

happy from love problem

Hi.. Tonight had been a remarkable night for.. Apart being miss some1 that leave me.. But tonight, i feel really happy. Because tonight, i able to feel again the joy of love.. Hehe.. Is this girl.. She had trouble wit her life so i try to speak to her.. Well.. It turn out to be love problem, a twin love.. But is not all we talk about.. She actually quite understanding. She know that i need to move on.. Yet she make me remind the relationship that i ever had.

we talk about how silly love can be and how pain it create.. Is been a while that i talk about love to other people except this blog.. I told her how is feel like to meet some1 that is so prefect.. For me, i'm sure is piano, singing, confident speaker, wonderfull writing and dancing.. I'm so happy, all this had kept inside me, i never express my love to other people.. She stood there listen. I know i need to move on and you all know talking about this wont help.. But it actually wrong.. Talk about love and our love to some1 can make me feel happy.. Happy is needed to make a push for a positive move.. That what i need right now, be happy wit my life.. No more sad and lonely

we also talk about the other family, the family of our boy friend or girl friend. Is actually hard to let go once trust is given from them.. She don't want disappoint the other family, and i will never too.. Being accept in a family is important.. Well.. I do get.. But. Now.. Herm..

i also ask suggestion about some1, some1 that is single and suit me, but i feel is a small chance that it will happening.. Haha..

so.. Tonight.. I feel great. Thanks to her..

Friday, June 26, 2009

movie - Last Chance Harvey, 18 Year Old Virgin, Knowing, Street Fighter: The Legend of Chun-Li ,

Herm... Another movie... this may bethe last movie that i'm goin to watch before i leave to my job at kk..which mean i will leave my pc here at home...

Last Chance Harvey.. is a sad story... a divorce dad, harvey have to struggli to make a living by playing jazz piano for ad... in the movie, the producer want younger talent so he had to let go of harvey... but this movie is not about harvey job... is about his life.. in this movie, he went to his daughter wedding... he discover that he had miss her daughter life, her daughter had more closer to her step father... the intense of this movie start when her daughter ask her step father to let her go on the wedding ceremony... harvey became so heart broken... he feel he been alienate in the family... on the other side of the world, similar path on a stewardess, she is a single lady... well her life is like mine life, lonely and boring... hehehe.. ok ok...well.. this movie is all about taking chance, as both of them meet each other and became good friend in just 1 night .... so...this movie is great.. it remind of me that i just need to look for oppurnity and the oppurnity always come in silent... u never know it even in front of ur eye... taking chance when u know it was the best for u... hehehe.. yeah... 7 out of 10 this movie..

18 Year Old Virgin..herm..this movie is bad.. really really bad... full of naked scene... is about a girl want to lose her virginity.... well... lame topic to make a move... in my mind why must this night... is there no other night..... huhu.... ok.... 2 out of 10 for the movie.. and 7 out of 10 for sex comedy and nude scene... this totally not my type of movie... some may be consider best ...:p

knowing.. this movie interest me because it play by Nicolas Cage...basicly this story about knowing the future.... kinda bored... lots of number.. litte of action.... but the accident scene were awesome... hehehe... i love see the effect of commercial airplane drop down the sky... and the subware train derail inside the tunnel... nicolas cage play its role nice.. well.. ok..that all about it... 6 out of 10

Street Fighter: The Legend of Chun-Li.. ok this movie is all about chun-li..great introduction to the street fighter.. well there no street fighter.. is all about chunli... u know about like marvel did? make a super hero movie like the hulk and iron men.. is all connected... well... is same with capcom did... is about chunli... is a great movie, location at bangkok... it capture the life of chunli every much, hunt down Bison, train by Gen... here... sadlyVega dead in the movie.. and the bison bos die too... hehehe... u must be wondering who will be villian on the next movie... owh.. 1 thing again...ryu are the next..i guess....6 out of 10 for the fighting scene

lies on the path

today, i just comfirm that i really get a job, i will sart working on 1th july, i really excited wih this but at the same time, i am scare. there lots in my mind, such as the work place, the condition of it, the working life, transportation, accomodation and food.. first of all, i will stay at my autie place, just temporary. till i find a room. i may be brinng my SL3355 car to sabah... need to declare the car as soon as possbile..

to tell u the truth, i really don want this path. this path that i choose because my current situation. why dont i just work at labuan, the life would be simple, everything are provided. but thing arent go as we planned... first of all... i been dump... second... i emotional and cant move on.. third... i sick wit my life... i need to leave labuan because everytime i'm here, my mind cant stop thinking about her, everytime i go out to town, i really wish i can saw her and the same time i scare to meet her... going to church, send my sibling to tuition, as usual my eye and my mind cant stop looking and thinking... i know i such a desperado.. i really are.... this happen when u love some1 so much and u cant let go..

life must go on... well.. wat can i do?? i just work work work... being alone i strangter town... there no place i can go... going to mall alone... no.... going watch movie alone... no... may be i need to find new friend... yeah... like she did... find a new dependable friend, dump the old 1... yeah... that easy way to start a new life.. well...i have to do it..find a new friend... if not, welcome OT, work work work... have a lifeless life... suck ah... may be my head will became bold..

ok ok...i like to talk about my sadness.. if i follow my heart now, it will be stay here, work here, and get ur love of my life... hahaha..my heart doesnt care being broken lots of times.. i the 1 that do feel the pain.. better get out this place..dont be stupid syl.. u know the reallity we two will never be happening again... dont keep on suffering... ok... the way to do that is... out of labuan and start a new 1... end of story

Wednesday, June 24, 2009

movie trailer - Dance, Subaru!

this movie is recommend by Davne

hehehe .. first time i saw this trailer... i feel want to watch this movie..is a dance movie, i guess.. WOW....

movie - girlfriend experience, 12 rounds

yeah..i watch 2 more movie..

girlfriend experience is about escort girl, this escort girl is played by Sasha Grey, who is a pornstar. olright.... well.. she is high class call girl, and she have a boy friend. so that make this story interesting. so... some of it talks about America economic, how the stimulus plan work. but it also show an inside of a high class call girl work. she choice her client by looking at the background, the family, and the reason of her client. but at the same time she would like to increase her rate. her date wit her client is like be a girlfriend, listen the client, make client feel he is at other place. so.. how the boyfriend feel about it?? well they make a rules.. by studying the background of the client, and 1 important thing, is it had to be done at town... hehe.. the connection between the client seem to be real but is artificial but the relationship between her boyfriend is real.. wat trouble me is some part of the movie, the script, it remind me of conversation i ever had... well... those frustrate moment.... damn... ok..the movie... 6 out of 10

12 rounds...hehe...this movie is kinda cheap... well..mission save the girlfriend... go there..go here... hehe... blow thing there...well... i love the end puzzle where everything is connected.. but the development of the story.. is not that great.. the acting, is full of bullshit.. especially the FBI agent... but i said i again...the puzzle is great... hehe.. 5 out of 10

more movie soon... 5 coming out.. herm... transformer... hope labuan cinema got it...

Tuesday, June 23, 2009

answer in my heart

hey..i don i perasaan or wat... but 1 thing is sure.. i would never hate u....i saw u in arm or other guy... rejected me thousand times..times had passes yet the feeling still the same... only a broken heart the broken and broken again.. i try to be nice and stay out ur way.. my journey is like in sitting on the car, beside my car is with a tint glass. i can see u where heading, but really cant see wat happening inside the car... i dont know when the journey end, may be infront is a forked road where it spilt... but i try my best get back to u... i know u got lots of this inside ur life, things that u cant be comminted..u should be more understanding on your needs and ur life.. sorry.. wat had u done is already passed, u ever forgive me for wat i had done, i would do the same, our moment is precious and have that moment once again i all i dream off.. i know i dream alot, wishing everytime and hope the impossible... but u know it and care about it...

as we grown up, you had ddevelop your mind, to be somebody else.. i know u always choice the right path.. u know the outcome are for ur best..keep moving forward and have all the help u need... i know the pass i always tell u wat to do, for my best, i could be forget wat teamwork mean.. i thanks for ur patient and ur caring altidude..but now, nothing can change ur mind becauese wat i had done you, you realise is bad, you heart are not feel the same way as before.. how i wish u give me chance again, i'm sure this time i would open my eye and ear..

the way u leave, the way u run away... i have to say is a brave move.. one in this world albe to be tat strong, with every1 around u opposite opinion, i have turn them against u, i know u still got ur friend that help u escape the devil.. i know am i bad person, no word can change ur heart now.. our time together had change u alot, i think u know that, u from trouble girl to be a strong independent sucesfull girl that live the life in the fullest..

time had passes and i still misses..i unable the forget the pain, the joy... i know i need to move forward, in lonely path.. and sad path.. my life now are empty..i keep finding oppornity the feel my jar, yet, i dont have that much luck.. i try..try.. there not thing perfect in our life... each person had its own weakness..

i know u still look on person the u left, i know that u still care... u happy for them if there are happy too...hehehe.. i know u are a caring person.. lastly.. i want to tell u just keep move forward... forward ur career, achive ur dream, show that u are bettter person but dont compare it.. a better person can mean u out of sins and able to contribute to the world..

this were inside me since yet yesterday... i feel regret if i dont tell it.. i know that is not for me, is for fathers day, but i feel it is same apply to me....well... happy dreaming syl.... keep move on sylvester... got i job... feel missing in this world and my life... i wish thing change again... just pick up the phone and call.. i too heavy to do
it.. hope u can do it


yeah..i get a job... but dont know when yet... working at utama jurutera perunding... hehe.... not a good news but is good news for moving on life... i finally will leave this peice of land....sad... i never hate u

coraline, horsemen and fired up

again...anather movie review..

coraline is a 3d puppet movie, the storyline is kinda interesting, where by a child are being abandon by busy parent, coraline is the child, a weird name. she like to explore the surrounding of her new house as she just move in... the new house had history on it.. 1 funny thing about the new house, as basement of the house, live 2 lady,those 2 lady want an angel dog, so they make the dog wit a shirt of an angel... on the artic of the house, live a monkey trainer that perfomn..haha.. well she explore the house and found a small door.. this small door is a magic door... it leave to the other world.. coraline go to the other door a found the opposite of her family..a caring family.... later she found out the this family is only illusion that like to trap small children.. she also found out the other ghostly children that cant go to heaven because the evil family take thier eye... hehehe..caroline make a deal to play a game wit the family... she escape and rescue the ghost chilhren by returning thier eye.... the soundtrack of this movie is great!!! i love it...

Horsemen is kinda boring story.. but the writer is good... it able to develop the story to became very intesthing.. the 4 horsemen from bible... the abonden children.. all of this make this movie great... it just hard to understand... the role of the parent.. the role model of a bigger brother.. the abuse of parent to children.. well this movie is good to the father and to be father..

fired up... this movie is ok as is not my type of movie... lots of chearleader.. i love the way the chear... well is a cheerleader camp and this 2 guy want be apart of it... well this movie is not for me...

that all i can to say.. hehe.. there something in my heart that i want to tell.. later post i post it

Monday, June 22, 2009


last friday, i just watch night in the museum 2, i impress wit that movie, more joke from the first 1.. the character in the story, haha.. make me laugh... Albert Einstein, angel, the monkey... haha.. and the amelia earhard is os special for me, she is strong to know that she is a candle figure but still want adventure.. u got to watch this movie..

next movie i watch is 27 dresses. right now i hate to watch romantic movie because there no romantic in me now, but i know i love that watch it because i love fairy tales... well.. i have to watch this movie because katherine Heigl were the star of it.. hehe... is from grey anatomy. the movie is about a gurl that had been bridemates for 27 times. she do it because she love to help people, i wondering why people dont want this kind gurl. later i realise that she love her boss. hehee.no wonder she didnt open for other people. wel... may be i just like me, but i pretty open up to others, still inside me are the same... ok..back to he movie.. ok.. there were the other guy, a columist that write about marrige. he try to know write story about katherine for being 27 bridemate, as she herself never get her own special day... hehe...i spoil most story to u all... one thing i learn from this story is he special some1 that u always wait may be is not the 1. she could the other person that we all dont know, may be some1 that we every hurt or been hurted.. is all easy to say, but to do it... to let go that special some1 we admired all the time, is seem impossible... like katherine did, she kiss her boss and found there no connection.. well.. wat should i did to know she is not the 1? i could be an old folk if i wait... i never try to wait, i open to something new, just always looking back...

next movie i watched is the game plan, is the rock movie... hehehe.. i watch this movie a couple times and it still touches me. i so emotional watch this movie... i feel i want to cry when watch the Peyton leave Joe... is always a sad thing... later in the story where they all knew that the mum had pass away... and Peyton have to leave her dad because the career.. well..is sad.. but the ending is nice... they were back together... 1 thing make look sad is the balletrina.. i remind me of some1, i dont know she still pratices or not.... i never see her perform... never got the chance.. i sure she is an excellent dance now.... happy for her.. zero for me....

well.. there lots more movie i will watch... this is wat i do.....

Friday, June 19, 2009

going to watch night in the museum 2

yeah..labuan cinema got it.. it even got terminator salvation and angel and demon. hehehe.. i will watch night in the museum this weekend.... may tonight, tomoro night o sunday night...

study or master

hi.. yesterday...a friend of mine, shikin asking about making choice to study or work... then lala also asking the same quesetion... this question came up to me by Michelle, she aslso confuse wit her path.

so...wat i telling them... i said it all depend on u... wat is ur path... do u want to study? do u want to work?? to learn something new?? is all depend on us... but every decision had its own outcome.. well...if u taking study, u need to pay for it, unless u can study part time, and work part time, but in engineering, work part time is kinda impossible, unless u are a manager or something, handling a project required dedication. so.. study required money, u can take loan, or just from parent, still we need to think about it?? does this burden people around us, our parent, our future to pay for it, and does it have benefit. well...study to mater level had lots of benefit, me myself would like to take master level. it just i have lots of little brother.. so i consider to work... master of me is another way to earn knowlagde, a piece of knowlagde that an industri cant give us... it make us versitatile in that field. it make us more understand how and why the engineering work. it is very important..

how about work?? ok... she ask me because she get accepted to GAMUDA, well..that her think twice about rejecting it... is a big company. and it will waste the opportunity.. well..if choice work, we can able to stand on ourself, u have total control on our life, is a big company and sure athe salary are big... but why so eager to work?? may be because lifetime opportunity is hard to come by. it we lose it, we will never get it... i know the 1 person had this type of opportunity, well, she took she took the job, this because she consider her background, she dont have anything at that time, study will cost more money, so.. she took the right move by accepting the job.. to help herself, and the family... so.. working is not that bad... consider we got a dergee, is enough to be an engineer.. working experince can taught us alot too.. working experince will teach us to be more indepedent on our work, more decision we can hanlde, and at last, working experince making us a more responsible engineer...

so..the other path is take the work and then after 2- 5 years... well.. continue study... but do u have the will to take it?? do u strong enough to open book once 5 years leave to book.. u have any family?? study and leave the job is not good of making our own family... well.. that thng need to be consider.. herm...i perhaps can take tat path.... :P... 5 years working experience and a master... i have the best of both world....

so...i know people there thinking about this... i just want to say..trust urself.. decide ur path and goal... think every posibble path and see the outcome... choise wat is best for u and ur heart... remember.. is all depend on u....there nothing wrong... i choice my path... is became profesional engineer.. may be after that i take master... a lonely guy... path....

Thursday, June 18, 2009

about me

Hi.. There are something bothering me today.. My feeling.. I want tell you about myself. I'm a boring person.. I'm not outgoing.. Shy.. Coward.. When i'm small, i always like to imagine.. I like to be in action hero.. Wit super power..

as i grow up, i don't have real hobbies.. I love gaming.. But something stop me, money. Buying a computer is expensive.. Well.. My life is mostly study.. There another passion which is reading and writing.. I like to read detective story.. Write anything..

well.. As i develop, i slowly like high culture thing. I like to speak english, even my english is broken.. Hehe.. I did join the debat team, but is a bad idea.. I have interest in instrumental music, mostly classical.. Hehe.. I like people that speak english, play piano and outgoing.. Seem that is all opposite from me..

then i go to a bigger city, i enjoy the fine dining food.. Something like secret recipe, kenny roger, nandos, sushi king. I also like fashion.. Myself are not so fashion. But somehow, when i go to mall, i feel. I feel.. I feel that i need to bring some1 to this mall, share shopping opinion. Well.. I never have that chance to shop wit her.. Never feel the joy of shopping..

the other thing i like i also nature, i like place that is peacefull, cold temperature, and full of nature.. I really wish go to kundasang wit her, but that only a wish..

1 other thing is my life mostly influence by cayra, she always i look up, she is special in all kind.. Without her, my life will be dull.. Thanks dear.. I also would like share everything to her.. You know, i save all the happiness that i get, and wish i can give to her, place like waterfall, kundasang, fine dining.. All of this i would like to share wit her.. Well.. I waste it..

ok.. There lots more i want to tell.. Every moment i wish i can write this as i like to share my feeling..

Tuesday, June 16, 2009


this afternoon i make spaghetti hahahaha... and is not enough, but is good for this time... i know some1 dont like spaghetti, dont like sour food...herm.... next two i'm going to cook spaghetti again... now feel a bit hungry...

look out

Hi.. There a lot i want tell you all.. At sunday and monday.. But nothing interesting. Sunday is very difficult for me.. I go to church.. My eye always on the look out for her.. I scare to meet her.. And i keep looking on the car.. Haha.. Is a hard day for me.. My mind feeling scare to meet her because just scare to see she wit other guy.. I need to move on..

so.. Anything happen at monday.. Nothing much.. I need to make a to do list, because everyday i feel i want to do something but i don't do it.. I hate my life.. I need to be happy.. I need stop thinking about her..

Saturday, June 13, 2009

stress out

Today.. I feel quite stress out.. Not that i do anything.. I just at home playing games.. Well.. Sometimes my mind mess up.. I think too much.. I think about th pass.. It make me happy, i can't deny it.. But at same time, it just a memories.. I wish i can have new 1. But it just not that simple, none are coming.. I really need it..

so.. What do i really think? Is my pass.. I think later i will tell.. I really miss her now.. Do i know she already got some1 else? I don't know.. I really don't want to know.. i scare to know.. Each time i think of it, i got a creep feeling.. Ish.. Now i'm scare.. My head feel dizzy.. Please lord.. I can't take it..

Friday, June 12, 2009


Have i told you all about i just get my result? Yes.. I just get my result.. This time i get not so good.. i get 3.26. Damn.. And my cgpa is 3.4 kinda easy to remember.. Well.. I can say i have lots of problem on semester 8, new place, new environment, and new sad life..

if i were a bit happy on those day.. Will there be different.? If there have some1 supported me, cheer me, care about me.. Well.. That will be nice.. Well i got none of those.. But i can't blame my situation.. Is my fault too.. Didn't move on..

ok.. Now i got my result.. So? Whats up? I still think about her.. May be i could call her and tell her.. Haha she wont answer..

bad decision

Today is a bad day for me.. May be because tomoro is weekend.. I don't like it because i have nobody to enjoy wit.. I left alone..

today i did something stupid.. I drive my sis to fp for piano class, i need to wait for 45 min.. Guess what.. I lazy to wait then i drive back home.. Stupid right? Wasting oil.. Haha.. I just hate being alone.. Dah lar my life is suck.. Every moment i wait make me feel suffer.. I wish i got happy life.. I try to.. But something always in my mind.. Is her.. I need to move on.. Need to forget.. I just can't.. Well.. Come on..

i really wish can talk to her..

Thursday, June 11, 2009


Just this afternoon i try to cook porridge.. I want to make chicken porridge.. Haha.. Guess what happen.. I burned it.. Haha.. Well.. I have to eat maggi..

i wondering how she doing. Is been a while i didn't heard from her.. I know she do care.. I know she do look after me.. But wat stopping her from to do it? Is because of me? That i still over her.. What?

i'm now install the sims 3 hehe.. Excited..

Wednesday, June 10, 2009


i just back from town..just paid my saman... and i got 8 saman on my motorcycle...hahaha... well..those illegal parking had cost me alot...1 saman is about 30 ringgit... then i paid for rapidshare account for 1 month.... got sims 3 coming... yeah... i hope she still love sims... this new 1 i hope she will get excited... just hope she konw about it....

When There Was Me and You

i just woke up and saw this high school musical..i love this song...hahaha..i love female voice..but hearing this song again remind of me.. i always think of miracle could be happening anytime soon..fairytale... dream... my feeling.. the truth... all in a 1 song... the smile u give to me... make me really happy.. but then u change.. now i really lonely.. i left alone...change haven't come upon me.. i know being wit u could just a fairy tales, a dream..i won come true.. :(.. i always confuse wit my feeling ..all because i love being wit u... my heart belong to you...

good night

Hey.. Is me talking again.. I kinda feel down, as usual.. Well.. Perhaps that you know about me, perhaps you really know me, who i really are, what i really are. Or even some1 never knew me.. Well.. I'm different, i'm not outgoing, i'm shy, i'm coward, skinny.. People say never judge by it cover.. Is true..

i always asking myself what i'm missing? Till some1 change her feeling.. Looking to your desire last time.. You like cute guy, perhap western.. Not skinny and yet not fat, outgoing, a bit bad guy altitude, got a job. That all i can think of now.. Well.. I have none of those..

why i thinking of this now? Because is in my mind now. Hey.. Reader.. Does love can turn to hate? Or even emptiness.. In my case.. I still love.. Heart have different way tell us that.. You try to hate but you get pierce in the heart because love strong inside me..

good night.. Love you and miss you.. Muah.. Long time didn't say that.. Love you too and miss you too.. Muah..

Tuesday, June 9, 2009

hannah montana

Just finish watch hannah montana the movie.. The movie is nice.. I love the song. Especially the climb.. Well.. Is kinda nice to have the best of both world.. One being famous which is what ever people want, well famous in somewhere.. The other is have a normal like wit all the love and care of family and friends..

the movie tell that miley need to leave hannah because she hardly manage herself.. At the end, she tell about her secret at her hometown.. Being famous had hurt lots of people that know miley including her family.. Lots more to tell but you gotta see it

well.. If i had a choice to choose, i will choose being famous because my normal life suck.. Being a rock star and became spoil.. Because deep inside me still the normal person and i hate my normal life, famous mean can have anything, but without love and care.. Being other character could be a wise choice to not show every1 that you not happy.. I think i playing other character now..

well.. I think this blog are my home, where i feel free that about myself.. This is real me.. A weak person.. You saw me, i'm look ok, that the other person..

hey.. I just my blog on facebook.. For every1 that come from there.. Welcome! Sad blog..


My mind had lots of question, some question if ask will too obvious and too desperate. I don't know how to ask it.. If i don't ask, i wont know.. If i don't know, i keep wondering, keep dreaming.. But the other thing is, how to ask? Haha.. Thing simple became complicated by me..

unhappy pathway

The whole day i had been feeling tense.. I really hate for what really happening.. I know something that suppose to let unknown.. I feel all my dream and my hope are all gone.. I being so naive.. Believe something impossible..

she wont fall back to you sylvester, accept it.. Why you still hurtin your self by believe something impossible.. I know i should let go.. Arghhh. All this time i had been feeling alone.. All my feeling.. Well.. Only this blog know.. I been left like this.. I really sad..

i always feel the other side will not help me.. You know.. Why? Why i still hoping for love.. Michelle point me out that i got my career to be looking forward for.. I want be a professional engineer.. Well.. I told her there no point i'm looking forward for my career.. What make me really happy is love some1 and being loved.. Is wat i really are.. I have that desire.. Well.. My life will be not happy.. I know it.. I going to a path that full of sadness, suffering.. I don't want choose this path.. But it already happening

i know i'm weak dear.. But please care for me.. That what i'm hoping for.. It ain't happening.. I'm sorry if i say something not nice on last post.. But it could be true.. We never know what had change for last 6 month..

Monday, June 8, 2009

feeling sad

Right now.. I'm feel quite sad.. I just talk to michelle.. I feel quite better.. Still inside me are sad.. My pass is over and will never repeat it self.. I miss the old memories.. The hug, the touch.. I need to move on.. Good night sylvester.. Go to sleep..

hating this

At labuan, there nothing i can do beside hoping.. At here, my duty is only as a brother.. So.. Everyday, I have to send them to tuition, do cooking, a lots of house chore.. But most of the time i'm sitting at pc and play games.. It help me forget and keep the time moving forward.. I miss my old time where i spend my time on other thing.. Now.. Is just me.

going to church, praying the same thing, hoping find some1 at there.. Well.. She not there.. May be i try to call.. Nah.. She wont answer.. Well.. I hate my life.. Even i open up for something new, it ain't coming.. My life is too bored to attract something new..

guess what happen again.. I saw her.. Where.. Nowhere.. Just a picture of her.. How she look like? Improve and happy.. So? May be happy without me or wit some1 new.. Well.. I miss her.. I can only look her, she don't care about me, i better move on. Suck right.. Yeah.. My life is suck.. I'm all alone.. She may be not.. She may be hugging some1 right now.. Damn.. I really miss her. End of story..

Friday, June 5, 2009

back again

Hi.. I'm now on ferry going back to labuan, just finish my interview.. My interview was ok.. May be will have another interview..

well.. Going back to labuan again.. In the same express ferry, i remember some bad things happen in the ferry.. Where i been sit alone.. Those sad days, now just a memories, still those memories is strong in my mind.. I really wish it happen again.. Even it bad, but still are together.. Well.. I need to move on..

at lbn, nothing i'm hoping for.. I gonna be same.. I still hold th same wish that will never come true.. What else that can keep me alive beside that..

Thursday, June 4, 2009


Hi.. I'm fine here.. Just bored waiting the time pass by.. No pc around.. No internet.. Haha.. Ok.. On tuesday i got interview.. How was it? I can say i didn't quite bad.. Is my first interview, and i didn't get ready.. They ask me why i want be civil engineer? What my subject at CERTAIN semester? I can't answer well.. Haha.. Damn.. My memory are bad.. Anyway, i like to positive side of the interview.. I may be have chance to get a job.. This friday i got another interview.. I sure get ready for it..

after the interview, we straight away go to keningau, is a 3 hour journey.. Damn bored.. At keningau, i went to my father's kazen house..

after that.. On wednesday, i go back to my Kampung at kuala penyu, spend there for 1 night..

yesterday i feel like is a special day for me.. Is a 6 for me.. Anyway.. I always remember the date.. I now miss some1 so much.. I know the other side i had no hope.. But hopefully, if i work at kk.. I can move on.. But stil my heart feel like stay at lbn.

Tuesday, June 2, 2009

finding UJP

Hi.. Today is the second day of my holiday at kk.. Funny thing happen today. Tomoro is my interview for my job tomoro, and today i try to find the company. It took my like 2 hour to find the company, it located quite deep.. Haha.. Damn, i about to work at this place and i still don't know the places around kk.. Haha..

and then i went to shopping at central point.. I buy lots of thing.. Parent sponser.. My parent feel weird wit thing that i brought.. All too fashionable..

the working at kk is not my idea in the first place.. Before this i planning to work at lbn to be wit some1 close. But now thing seem to change, for me at lbn, i feel suffer because i always feel she around me.. All the memories is like yesterday.. Well.. At least i can be alone again at kk.. Sad..

hey.. 1 special day for me is close, and i feel i need to do something, although that thing is useless.. Ok.. Wish me luck for tomoro interview..