year 2009

Is a bad year for me. None of my dream come true. On bright side, i graduate at this year, get a job, get a new life. What my dream? Well, be a rich person, be a naturalist, most important have a lover for my broken heart. Well.
None of it ever happen.

should i welcome 2010? Well, i need to set up new resolution. Could be more like my wish list. Hehe. Hope next year will be a good 1. I'm not looking forward it. So the answer is no. I'm not looking forward it and welcome it.

you know, 2010 is a beautiful year to start. The full moon in th sky wit firework. Well. Is those year ppl think this world is wonderfull. How is like to be at outside wit some1 special.

5th book

This the last book for this year. 5 books so far i read. All about fairy tales, love, friendship, and memories. All are not romantic story, but is full of love. Hehe. All of this book are good companion to me, reading them make me feel not lonely and let the time pass quickly. Hehe. Love to bring book around.

9 dec

While thinking plans through before tackling them is wise, i'm urged to discuss them wit certain well-informed individuals. Only once i have combined their knowledge wit my analysis of the situation at present will i be able to come up wit a concept that's as practical as it is visionary.

Hello dear blog,

is been a while i don't talk to you, i do think of you all the time, i do wan to tell everything, the problem is, is all about sadness. Hehe. The funny thing is, is your name, sadness and loneliness. The only obstacle is there lots of people i been friend recently, i just can't afford to lose them just because i'm sad.

i know the solution is just private you, but i can't do it, the reason i create you is to tell every1 that i'm a useless people, to get help, i know there is people are doing their best, got healer but she got silent. I really wish i can tell everything in here.

x'mas is soon, i have no mood for it, but inside me, giving is better that just keep for myself. even i don't enjoy this season, i planning to give, at least people smile wan make me happy. So, anything? who knows i will be the next santa.

this year end which mean is almost 1 year. I know some1 enjoy their life. Twilight, i wish i'm bella, i feel i'm really her, is true i'm sitting there for months, is true i had bad dream, is true i saw her illusion, is true i'm happy wit some1 else, is true i still want her, but is not true we way we break up, is not true she think of me, and is really not true the ending that everything been told is just a lie. I wish the story is exactly like that, everything is exactly true.

every morning

Every morning is the start of a new day, the cold temperature that make us wan to sleep again. Everyday, we wake up, kids start their day by eating breakfast serve by their mum, student rushing to get them self ready to class. But now, i'm a working adult. My routine morning is the same for the rest of my life, unless i get married, then some part will change.

i wake up usually, think how my life would be, yes, i think about what world should be done, wat think should summited, who to connect, and then, this word, miss.

anyway, there always a cure for everything, everyday i drive to work, i always look at the mountain, high up there cover wit mist, is always cheer me up. I live at a beautiful places, 1 day, i will go there. That 1 day, is always a dream for both of us.

hehe, miss the lbn beaches.

16 nov

My problem isn't the obstacles i'm facing. I understand both where they're come from, and wat to do about them. The proble is certain individuals who i would have expected to lend me a hand haven't done so. While ordinarily, i have said nothing, ask them why. Their response will suprise me.

green cloth girl

I'm thinking of the green cloth girl. Here the story, i was sitting around roxy, friend apple shopping, she brought yellow spegeti.. Look nice on her. Anyway, i spend almost half day inside there, not shop for me, but for her, don't complain because i really don't want to shop another shirt or flipflop. Not on my list now, even i desire for it.

this green girl come in to buy roxy beg, just a normal average looking girl. Well that all i can say. Just inside my mind. Can't get it out. Tall, not so skinny, like to play wit her hair, good friend. I suggest i'm bored inside roxy till i watch every1 inside there.

In this world, there many types of people, from the people we know, to people that we see from our eye on street, to people that we hear from our ear on news, to people that we feel from our imagination of any type of people. All type of people exist for something, surviving to live, contribute to the surrounding or more selfish, just profit for them self.

for me, i like to watch people, in my whole life, i watch lots of people. I observe how there move, how there wear their cloth, how pretty are there, how happy, how worrying, i watch everything, expect 2 thing that is impossible to tell, their mind and their heart. Their mind could tell them stop watch me, your stackler. Their heart, which how feel at that time to the places or people. From begger that asking money for living, to bully that bully poorless puppy, to spender that spend money worryless, to clubber that flirt lady on the floor, to photographer that capture glimpse of people life, to blogger that write story of a live. All these people always caught my eye.

even watching people is my obsession, i rarely look at myself, even in the mirror, my picture about myself is a sad dude that barely have a smile, that just had a broken heart. The only time i watch myself is when i set my hair, put med on my pimple. Even wit that, i never look to my own eye, my own smile. I waiting the moment that i can look myself, when i'm happy, when i get my love of my live. Till now. My own thought as i wondering around 1borneo wit a fruit call apple.

fragile life

Life is very fragile, going around, we will always see some1 is worst than us or better. We should not compare against each other but compliment each other how perfect we live in this world. A smile will brighten our soul, a greeting will cherr our heart.

now, i really need those, i was watching 2012, why a great movie must have a love involve, wit transformer on megan, 2012 wit broken family but finally unite. I'm not against those, but my heart just unbearable to fill those, i miss some1. Is almost 1 year. And i still haven't improve.

wish list

add a wish list in my blog... set my target... will change when reach this year end...

some1 special day

Today, is some1 special day. Wish her happy special day. Hope your dream and wishes come true, dear.

Grad!!

27 October is the date that i'm convo... part of me are happy and sad... hehehe..thanks for everything to my parent and all my friend.. yeah.. the sad part is not according to the planning.. well.. get the best out of it

time slow down

So this is what you do when it all slows down and the minutes that tick by del a little longer that before. You take your time. You breathe slowly. You open your eyes a little wider and look at everything. Take it all in. Rehash stories of old, remember people, times and occasions gone by. Allow everything you see to remind you of something. Talk about those things. Stop and take your time to notice things and make those things you notice matter. Find out the answers you didn't know to yesterday puzzle. SLOW DOWN. stop trying to do everything now, now, now. Hold up the people behind you for all you care, feel them kickling at your heels but maintain your pace. Don't let anybody dictate your speed.

21 octo

Being a sociable creature, i'm constantly discussing various new ideas and options. But having just struggled wit serious decisions, i did my best focus mine conversations on more trivial matters. At least until those plans are finally settled. Once they are, you can return to your usual topic without fear i will be distracted.

20 octo

As i'm well aware, decision-making can be an agonising experience for me. So once i'm finally got things organised, i stick wit plans. That's understandable. Still, during this unsettled but highly creative cycle, i'm better off regarding all arrangement as loose. This way, i can change them, and change them again, if necessary.

Oh. Today i'm so embarrass because i forget my ex school mate, oh damn. I was chill out at upperstar, they want to close to restaurant already. So this guy coming up to say sorry, in my mind ok, we meet to go, he about to halau us away. Then he say, do you remember me? Gosh. I have no idea.

he is desmond, my classmate that use to sit beside me. How can i forget. Huh. I feel so guilty. Oh well, i just i need to find out his contact soon.

tanjung aru

Right now i'm at tanjung aru. 1st time coming here. Hehe. Miss my old layangan beach and the water.

Hello every1. My life getting more meaningfull each day. I have more path to go. More thing to do. But i still looking my pass. Nothing are the exactly like last time. I still dream of same thing.

last friday is my b'day, nope, i don't celebrate it. Just spend on big apple donut to my office staff. That all. Well. Some1 forget my b'day. Wat can i say, angry or sad. Just glad my special day passes.

Much as i dislike clashes wit other, i have to admit that there are 1 or 2 impossible individuals who are oblivious to anything but a direct confrontation. However, they've adopted a new and underhand tactic. This means that when dealing wit them, i will need to be twice as canny as before.

uneasy

Tonight. I was wondering where am i heading. I didn't feel lost, where i'm stand, my bearing. I always knew. But knowing everything doesn't make everything enjoyable. There should be an anticipation of knowing the unknown.

i sometimes asking do i have my own personality, my own look, my own principal. The moment my life change, i didn't care so much about it. I just live the life as it is, as it flow, i just follow it. But recent event, make me think twice. Sometimes, i just not me. I don't know how to explain it. I need to learn as fast as possible about how to survive, how to connect. Well. I guess i'm failing.

i'm really week. Throughout my life, i got people that help get up. But as time move on, nothing stay. Perhaps, this is i'm looking for. Help. I know there were some1 that willing to help me if i'm ask. But that just temporary.

i really hate if i got the feeling that is not alright. Things will go wrong soon enough if i'm don't take action. Come on syl, have courage.

this blog is my only way it express my feeling. There nobody that i can talk to. Only to myself. Ok. Good night guys

Right now, i feel quite uneasy. What happen to me?

my mind always think about elizabeth. In a story k. Hehe. She is too busy to find friend. I really want to finish the story about her but i just having trouble wondering what bothering me..

i need a hug. A piece of mind.

silent noise

When you drop a glass or a plate to the ground, it makes a loud crashing sound. When a window shatters, a table leg breaks, or when a picture falls off the wall it makes a noise. But as for our heart, when that breaks, it's completely silent. We would think as it's so important it would make the loudest noise in the whole world,or even have some sort of ceremonious sound like the gong or the church bell. But it's silent and u almost wish there was a noise to distract u from the pain.

if there is a noise, it's internal. It screams and no one can hear it but yourself. It scream so loud your ears ring and your head aches. It thrashes around in your chest; it roars. But thats the thing about love - no one is untouchable. It's as wild as that, as raw as an open flesh wound exposed to salty sea water, but when it actually breaks, it's silent. You're just screaming on the inside and no one can hear it.

2 october

Giving up on long cherished plans may seem a defeat, sadly to say. But i'm actually clearing the way for new, and more timely, endeavours. While these have been on my mind, i'm dismissed them as unrealistic, impossible dream that i can't achieve. Now a series of developments as sudden as they are unexpected will turn there into a very real possibility, like discover new friend and places

This blog is getting outdated. I really want to share my thoughts and my feeling, but recently is add friend in facebook. I decide i better don't let them know my emotional side of me, but right now, i really want to talk about it.

this pass few months had teach me alot. Still my emotional still the same. Firstly. Cayra called me last time, and tell she don't want more connection between us. At that point, i feel kinda relief, relief that she actually tell she got bf. Well. Is about time for me to get 1 too. But same time, i feel there is something pierce my heart, i still love her. Is hard to avoid that but i have to hang up phone quickly. Looking at myself feeling the pain, i can't think of anything else. Well. The only thing is find another love. Hehe.

there another thing bothering is i'm glad people break up. I'm always feel that i'm not alone in this sadness. And i actually tell them life really sucks right. Hehe. And. I also hate those people that find new love. Jealous is the right word. Hehe.

There 1 blog that i feel so touching. She wrote about how sorry is she, how she can change back the way is it. I really wish those word are for me, not for her special 1. I really wish i get those word, in my ending, i feel the worst, worst ending for a long beautifull story. I want tell who is this person/blog i mean. But i just can't. Perhaps she will leave a comment. :p

what inside my mind again, herm. The book i read. But pretty sure i will give it a review. Not now. But 1 thing for sure, each time i read about love, my heart always cry. I feel i need it the most. Each time see movie, heard music, and read anything about love, i just wish i can have it. I understand each word of it. I can feel the joy, happiness, the suffering, sad. I don't know how to not feel emotion. Is just hard.

there 1 thing also inside me that i had walk into a dark path. I really wish i can say no. But i had no choice. But now, i try looking on other way, i tried to contact any1 that in kk, have courage to just ask them out. Hehe.

that all i wanted to say. Glad it out of me. Although is not much of detail. Can't review too much cos is very personal. Bye

Haha. 3th post for today, i guess my day today is very exciting for me. But now, all the emotion all gone, just about when i start to sleep. I hate this moment, want to sleep and wake up.

perhaps i don't like to face next day, and i don't want my day end. That why sometimes i don't sleep, i let the day pass by, cos i belive that tomoro is the day i wake up from sleep. Hehe.

nothing much to tell right now, tomoro is working day, so, no worries for me. I only worry for weekend. Hehe. Silly me. Ok then, good night every1

Hehe. Today i feel so free. Not that i no work to do but i have 1 tender documnen and 1 drawing. Well. Do it slow and enjoy. Also, i'm in charge of the ISO, which mean i got lots of paperwork that i need to understand.

Well. I just feel happy today. Could be i miss work so much due to 4 days off. Haha. Funny.

today also i made 2 friend that is around kk. Well.. they agree to meet me. Hehe. Happy.

If i suspect that one particular individual is being contentious for the sake of it, i probably right. While i find it difficult to imagine that anybody would enjoy causing so much conflict, clearly they do. Knowing that, i will stop struggling to charm them and when they're difficult, ignore their antics.

This is mimi. My anty pet

Hey, i'm on ferry now, going back to kk. This 4 days holiday didn't feel like a holiday. The raya seasons this year i didn't feel much about it. No visiting anyone, only stay at home, i feel i want visit my former classmate that still in lbn, but i just too late, plus i'm all alone. So better stay at home.

guess what, i use to have a child dream, i last time really wanted to play firecracker. But i can't afford it. Is just too expensive to buy it. Now, i can buy it, i spend like a lot on it. Hehe. Bomb there, bomb here. There one big bomb, once exploded, i can feel it shockwave. So much fun. Hehe.

this holiday also i spend lots of time watching movie, all movie are best. But mostly about dream and love, i know, is something that i all the time do it. Hehe. But it always make me happy. I guess spending time and watch movie does give my heart some lights. Hehe.

all time i'm in lbn, the memories keep flowing back to me. I just hate it. Could i be just spontaninous and able to feel my old life back. I guess i been thought a lesson, don't fooling around or else i will get hurt. Sucks right.

my phone is back

My n73 is fixed. Once again, i can mobile blog

I know everything is the end, I know thing cant happen as it use to be, nothing can change that fact, there nothing I'm hoping for, I myself have no faith, only emptiness. These day that I'm weak, I know that I going to the dark path, still I'm not sure, there always a choice to turn back, but turning back mean looking back, that I don't want to do. I keep moving forward, with same thing inside my mind, but I don't show it, only tell some1 that really know me, I know that I telling them the same thing, but the truth is always the same, Sylvester never change.

I thinking a lot now, with recent encounter, thinking is it the way it should be. And just about just now, I get a call for angel, telling me that it is the end for both of us… in my mind, sadden, but my heart had broken too much, tears cant go out, i feel empty, is it the sign that my love had gone. Still when thinking about is, is depress and sad. I haveit too much before this, each time angel contacted me, I was hoping I can see the light, not the sword of Excalibur or sound of harp. Ok, I need a break. Stop all of this now…

1 thing for sure, I'm ok now, fine till I go to bed or wake up, that time is the most unpleasant for me.

come on syl...make a decision.. this is been in my mind... i dont know wat to do... is against my logic thinking.. argh... really wish can share it...

Negative

Hehe. Is way late nite now, and i still havent sleep, not that i don't want to sleep, is just i can't, i having trouble now, something about some1, i really need to move on. But i can't. Now, i'm here all alone. I really don't want expressing my sad mood cos there new person that close to me add me as friend in facebook. To make them know that i'm such a lame person. But wat the heck, i right now need to talk, searching through my contact list in my phone, i can't find any1.

So, what is bothering me right now? Is not about my confuse or speechless post, this is totally different thing. Right now, i'm just angry, tense, gonna hit those i hate, furious, shit about this world, all negative now. Why me? Is there anything more worth than love itself. I feel my life right now is just ignoring the problem. Fuck. I should be more strong.

So. Sometimes i post something stupid, and hope to get attention. Well. That why it make its way up to facebook. Any1 tat care, would drop by, which make my life feel exist. Haha.

Confuse

yah...i'm really confuse.. doesnt know wat to do... i really want to tell.. it just a bit too sensitive.. so how?? really how??

speechless

i dont update my blog because something happen... nothing extraordinary... is just shock... will update soon... as my previous post said.. i dont know why.. the feeling is getting strong... every morning..

This blog is getting less update and less drama. That my life now, a dull life, there nothing i can tell about myself, because, i feel will complain the same thing, i don't who bother read my blog because it is so boring. I only know to whining how i can't leave without cayra. Haha.

So. How my life now? The truth is. My life is getting busy wit my work, although it is barely an engineer work, doing minor work. Is really fill my time in the office, can't wait to work at tuesday because there deadline. My job is to count the longkang, Haha. In malay, sound so lame. My job is doing the drainage, calculate the lenght, no the culvert.

Now, i'm at lbn. Hehe. Everytime i come to this place, i always have the fear. I really can't find peace at here. There other this in my mind. I keep fear for meeting my fear. This blog all the time talk about how i miss her. May be i need to change this. I need talk more about her. I know is this bad idea, and will worsten my healing. But talk something happy could be a cure.

27 august

No sign is better at waging a verbal battle elegantly. I sometimes manage to disagree with such grace that others don't even realize they're being confronted. Now, however, that kind of subtlety will only confuse matters. If I'm anything less that forthright in expressing my views now, I will run into real problems later. L

everytime i saw some1 that less furtunate than me, i dont know why i cant look at them.. i know i should be thankfull for wat i am now.. but i really dont appriciate wat i got now.. i dont feel pity.. but that pity i just cant show it.. may be i was being selfish.. may be i just care about myself.. the thing is.. i dont have any mood or heart to do it... could be that i feel shame that i think my life are worthless, and they can life even with all the hardship...

i been hurt too much.. still hurting all the time even i tell myself to move on.. even i said i already move on... i know somewhere inside my didnt.. i dont know how.. i always looking positive everyday.. at the end of day, i feeling tired of being pretend happy.. not that i dont do anything... i try... i try... very hard..

the truth is... i still alone here.. till i not feeling alone.. i still have to admit that i still care about cayra... i do try to forget.. but we just can del something in the brain... haha... ya.. i try read book.. try work the sleep early (no life way).. try chatting all day long.. all of this cant fulfill my needs..

love is a funny thing...

everynight i do the same thing, everyday... at most i whinning at facebook. chat around to any1 that seem interested to talk to me.. well... all seem the same..

i now read novel to just fill my time, i know is at least something i can do. well. i really wish i can talk to some1, although nothing in my life are interesting.. arh.... bored....

24 August

Ever since early August, the idea has been in the most sensitive angle of my chart, this including find new home, finding new friend, move on wit my life, all of this are from my friend. This meant facing up to all sorts of tricky situations, a lot of them uncomfortable or unsettling. While challenging at the time, on reflection, I realize how many worrying issues I put to rest, I been solving slowly. Slowly looking for house as it was a big decision. About friend, well, I just need to be patient at this time moment. But the other thing about move on, it still herm…. Unrest… well… wat can I say… stuburn and block headed…

21 August

I long ago realized that there are certain times when even the most tactful discussions about relationship issues will achieve nothing. That's been the case since early august. I hope next week, I will be able to tackle even serious dilemmas without dramas of any kind. Hahaha.. hopefully...

Give Up

ywat??? give up wat... i think i gonna give up looking for friend... i still sad being alone.. not that i'm that close my dorr all the time.. i always open to any1.. ok... for most people thinking.. why i cant find people at work.. ok... all of them are married.. they are friendly indeed... but after work or at weekend.. well... just cant hang out wit them.. so.. wat next... none.. go to church and join group there.. well... no lar... i not into praising, sharing, although is good, still i'm not interested.. where next?? club... well... is arkward i go there alone.. and i never been those place... ok... i'm out of idea.. well... better give up.... i still keep look.. just go wit the flow...


so... i will not give up... just try it slowlly.. sad.. dont give up sylvester

19 August

I can deal with almost any challenges as long as the fundamental relationships in my life are stable, but right now, I really wish I got any type of relationship, new friends are welcome. Consequently, at last time, I could find sudden exciting, but unsettling, development in the circumstances of somebody dear to me extremely worrying, this because their reaction will reassure me that their loyalties remain exactly where the always have been. I really wish that happening again…. Can it be dear?

18 August

Discussing potential changes in my work or lifestyle is one thing. But the debates have continued for so long that you're even further away from decision that before. Consequently, I'm been grateful for the decisive move to accent such matters, could be for next week. This should provide the courage necessary to take a stand.

17 august

I’m tried to express my irritation over having been drawn into a commitment that was far more burdensome that i were initially told. But your previous complaints have been brushed off or simply ignored. Right now, I fell that these arrangements are intruding on a practical obligation, and I absolutely must object, and with considerably greater intensity. :(

really impossible

yeah...as the title said..it really feel like impossible to know people by simply chat to them.. well.. nothing is easy... i dont know how again.. as i continue my boring life

12 august

Making promises is easy. But keeping them is an entirely different matter, at the moment, anyway. I’m concerned that necessary changes will upset others, so are hoping for a last minute miracle. Not only is that unlikely, everybody including me is aware of problems, so the fact you’ll need to reorganize things will be no surprise. Life is just like that..

Blogged with the Flock Browser

Hilux

yeah.. today i go drive company car..a hilux..just to hantar people to UMW.. hahaha... feel good about it.. he also belanja me kfc burger.. hehehe..

1 thing that shock me is he arrive ofice faster than me.. i'm the first drive.. leave him to take his car from sercive.. then i go back to office.. arrive at office..saw him.. wah...kk road i need understand more.. need to learn about shortcut..huhuu...

11 august

Other may have often observed that i'm sometimes take things too much to heart. Only now i understand fully what they mean. Recent clashes were causing i considerable concern.-

them i'm talked them over with some1 involve, and learned, first, how litte they care and, secondly, that i'm have taken their words far too seriously.

unbearable and still move on

hey..this thing is inside me long time.. even that i'm seem ok and fine.. but deep inside always in pain.. since u both combine and create a baby.. that time.. i know is losing all the hope.. all my dream crumable down.. i cant make any decision.. even going back to labuan i also cancel... argh.... day after day.. i let my day passes...the only thing i get from that is i drifted even further.. in losing direction on you dear.. i been on wild goose chase.. chasing an impossible dream.. went into inside the fog.. and found myself lost.. occasionally meet some1 that are helpfull.. still i refuse get help from them..but they had been a great friend to me.. thank u so much...

so... i admit.. after that day.. my life i feel are changing.. being positive and negative at same time.. positive about my life and negative on unable to move on.. well.. that my life now.. i really feel sorry of myself.. pity me... :(

so.. wat now.. well... let everything to God decided.. Cayra.. i still had same feeling wit u.. i try to move on.. to all my friend, i'm sorry for saying all of this..i know some are dissapointed because i still the same.. at least i'm improve a bit..

7 august

I have reviewing a number of certain ongoing obligations, i could be altered some of it. But sometimes, i been forced to acknowledge that, in a few, i remaine involved purely because i'm so dread th reaction i will get from other if i'm saying i'm want out..

at work, i really wanted to learn about all the company ever did.. And the company want go vacation but i can't go because still not yet 1 years working.. Anyway.. I like to involve..

i really wish something happen in my social life which i have none

harry potter

Yeah.. I watched happy potter already.. I wanted to watch this movie since it premier.. but none wan to watch wit me.. Lucky.. Out of nowhere and without any plan.. I found some1 that willing to watch wit me.. Yeah.. Ok.. Let's talk about the movie itself.. A short review

the beginning had show the bad guy cause chaos on the real world.. I can't understand that much on it.. See the awesome collapse of london bridge.. Yeah.. Then we go to see harry.. Hehe.. He already well know for being the chosen 1. The school are also tighten their security.. But this movie had lots of comedy and romantice.. got kissing.. Well.. I guess they need to grown up.. Hehe.. There have not much on action.. Just mostly story telling.. Well.. If i given the choose to watch it again.. I certainly would say that after i know more about the story.. Then i watch again so that i know what will happen..

anyway.. Thanks to my friend that watch movie wit me.. I glad i able to watch it.. And my first experience in town at night.. Thank you so much

6 august

Certain habit always streamline my day.. They help my deal wit tasks swiftly, and never without even thinking about them.

however, the actual circumstances involved are in transition, which means some of there will need to be adjusted, if not substantially altered. I need to begin the process of review now and changes can be made without undue complication..

change my life and start a new life mean i need to change some of my habits.. Well.. Slowly then..

5 august

There is a moment that i come to decide whether i'm willing to invest yet more time, energy, money and HEART in a certain objective.. Because i once believe in those thing..

but situation had changed and i could be change too.. I would never know.. Difficult as letting go of there may be, i must admit there several other goals far more worthy of my efforts..

nevertheless.. I still hoping the same thing.. But now, i got far greater thing to do.. I always ask please give me another chance.. Foolish of me

4 august

Certain situations in my life could be have reached crisis point.. But some people don't see it that way, which means they've adopted a worryingly easygoing approach to urgent decision..

ish.. I need talk to them frankly.. If they still don't want listen to wat need to be done.. Talk again.. And i have to letting them know that i'm simply have to make those decisions without them..

argh. Why life must be so hard..

3 august

I know nobody has a better knack for dealing wit difficult situation.. I alway have a litte charm and a subtle message of what i'm expected from others.. Hehe.. I don't realise i'm doing it because it is so natural..

but things right now is more complex.. I could be have no choice but adopt direct approach.. Hehe.. Need to belanja they all pizza, they already talk about it for ages..

sad

Yeah.. I sad now.. Who care? None kan.. This world is unfair to me, i being abandon.. Ish.. What??! You think that there plan for me, even better 1. Bullshit. I wait already.. Wait.. And make me even sad.. Even lonely.. Where were i anyway.. Already start a new life? Ish.. Not i don't want.. I do want.. But what it get to me.. Nothing.. My old life is even better.. Being care and being love.. Now.. Fuk off.. Sad and lonely.. What can i do.. I try.. I try.. But none are working.. I'm still nobody.. Still unknown.. Could be known as desperado.. I really hate.. Love didn't fall from tree.. But some had fall on them everyday.. Throw th old 1, take the new one.. Even better.. Ish.. See this world.. Unfair.. Yeah.. Have a better plan for me? Well.. I'm broken and old.. What better will coming? It wont be better.. Suck..

i'm don't know why i'm angry so much.. But.. I really sad.. I really want to shout.. As i knew, this world will serve me wrong..

Another boring sunday

yes...today, right now... i feel i got nothing to do.. sometimes at this moment.. i really hate myself.. i cant be positive on every weekend.. sometimes i want to back labuan... but that just even hurt me more.. i leave this world hoping the pass is the pass.. but it still the same.. i hope thing changes fast.. but wat i get is i feel same like last time.. well.. i know some people care... but it just hard to being not alone.. ish......

yesterday i attend wedding at Dinawan island... hehe.. is kinda fun... the journey to the islans took about 40 mints... but 1 thing the really enjoyable about the riding is we all get wet.. haha.. the wave is like 1 meters.. haha... some of the passenger really scare.. well... my butt is really in pain due..adui... anyway.. the wedding is just only makan2..so.. nothing special. the whole island is belong to him...wow... well i really hope i can meet some new friends at there... but.. well... all are not local people and from miri.. anyway.. i need to study more.. haha..

back to this sunday... well i damn bored.. why no strenght from me... ish... i hope that some1 will care... ish... is just a dream... so.. hope times go quickly till monday... and i start to work, yeah!!!... go go go time....

31 july

For ages there's been talk of rather extensive alterations in elements of your way of living or working. However, nothing has come of them.

Now,i guess within days, things will fall into place, and without the dramas you so feared. It's as if all those discussions of the past weeks came together in one magical arrangement. Hehe.. I can feel it.. Hopefully this positive feeling can push me forward..

wow...tonight i chat wit some1... firstly i talk about my face... i really can try to skin specialist.. well i just want to change my look.. i always feel that this one of the reason i being like this..well... i can became handsome... ish...

then we talk about perfect man.. i was so suprise wit her answer.. well i cant recall it.. but mostly about god.. hehe.. then i kinda tell my problem..not really tell my exact problem... she know me and i guess she know all my situation.. so i no need to say lar.. haha. we had a nice talk... i quiet happy.. it really make me feel that i'm not alone.. yeah..

i will be strong.. and always keep faith wit Him.. Believe in Him...hhehehe...

i let it go not by my own strenght but by His strenght. philipian 4:13

may be the morning post are right.. hehe...

30 july

I always assume that the difficulties i'm facing are i'm alone deal wit it. On contrary, other are ready and eager to take part in discussing and share the responsibilty for coming up wit a solution that everybody can like with..

i need to talk about there now.. The more forthright i'm, the better..

hehe.. I need to discuss about renting a house.. My sad and loneliness.. My life.. And a friend.. Anyone? Hehe..

yeah... today i also got a house...just a bit too late.. never though that so much people look at that 1 item... yeah... the offer is good.. and is a really a house.. can pet a dog... unfurtunately the house already been book by other people... at 4 oclock... too bad... anyway.. is not wat i'm hoping for... because the house is two storey.. top floor is the owner and the bottom is renting...3 rooms!!! hehehe..well... the offer come and go... sadly... herm... but my day is ok... need a new friend...bintang... still never meet... so... keep on looking looking looking..

if you see me with nobody new cause i'm that little person still in love with you, you know sudah ku mencoba mencari penggantimu tapi tak ada yg berminat

-Dan-

29 july

Good morning every1. Today is wednesday.. Hoping can watch movie.. I never watch movie at this day.. Hoping today will change that..

i always take a long time to make a decision.. This because i think a lot.. With things that always changing and my mood always down.. I need to bide my time until circumstances are right..

nevertheless.. I'm at office.. And interaction wit people will always make feel alright..

28 july

Hello! Herm.. Sadly yesterday there don't have any offer.. Nothing that interested me.. The only thing is i still feeling sad.. Is not ordinary sad.. Is a hopeless sad..

today i have no positive feeling.. Since last friday.. My life feel like there no hope.. I really need support..

27 july

Hehe.. Well.. Today i feel quite ok because i'm at work.. It give time for me to other that me..

hopefully, an offer will come from out of the blue.. Is will be as good as they seem.. I need to do some exploration, it could be even better..

another positive view today.. Hopefully that will stay..

first thing to do

Somehow.. I feel really hopeless.. Knowing what happen next.. Know that the world always against you..

I dream of having a good life.. Yeah.. Things not always going what we think of.. Day by day.. I feel i float too far.. There is no more hope.. Dream always be a dream.. I can only tell in this blog.. I can tell more detail.. But it is use to be the same thing.. You all what it is..

i hate to admit i didn't move on.. Only try to avoid.. I can't do it.. Because i still unable to let go.. I still feel the love.. There lots of thing is this world yet i choose the same thing that will always broken my heart..

come on syl.. I know myself will never stop thinking about till new hope and dream arrives.. I looking everywhere.. Just sometimes.. Is not that simple.. Is not like going to mall and buy it.. I here all alone.. Not totally alone.. I wish i can be on her sides.. Come on.. I really hate myself.. Is there anyway to punish myself?

ish.. Come on syl.. First.. Find real friend.. Hang out.. Adui.. Again.. Is not like go to shop and buy something.. Go to church and join the group there.. Yeah.. Wise choice.. But i really don't like it.. Not that i got tanduk or something like that.. It just i hate my life, mean i don't love myself, mean that i don't appreciate what god have given to me.. Ok.. Back to find real friend.. Just have to wait and try hard to stand out of crowd.. I so desperate.. I have too.. If not, i will never move on, my mind will only think about her.. So long..

cancel plan

Today i suppose to go back labuan.. But suddenly feel like don't want.. Because yesterday i got my heart broken.. Well.. Going back to labuan will only bring back sad memories.. Althought my family at labuan and i'm happy to meet them.. But is unbearable to face the what had happen.. So.. I decide i don't go back today.. I still feel depress from yesterday broken heart.. But what to do.. Had to move on..

yesterday also.. While feeling hopeless.. I just remember post about my opportunity. When i think of it.. I got 1 thing i didn't try, and it just give from my friend yesterday.. So.. I give it a try.. Is a friend of my colleague.. Well.. I sms but it was her sister.. Haha.. Nothing much to tell.. But it at least add some spice of my hopeless feeling..

that it for now.. Another boring weekend to pass.. Miss her.. Bye

24 july

Herm.. Today.. I feel not in mood.. Well.. Wake up.. Feel stress of something.. Just hope is not what i think of.. Go to office.. Transfer file to a infected laptop.. My harddisk keep failed copy.. Herm.. Lucky i'm a patient guy.. So.. I try do things slowly.. Huh..

today been said that stunning opportunities is coming my way.. But i need to explore my option and avoid making any commitment that i can't disentangle myself from..

sweet friday every1. Happy pay day!

23 july

Again.. My morning post.. I hope today something new and exciting idea will came out.. Hehe.. This thing could be inside me all day long.. Well.. Think that the currently working will give me a reason for what will happen..

hehe.. I'm quite happy able to email to my blog.. Hehe.. Good morning!

phone onlined!

Testing.. I call the Celcom service.. Is a simple fix.. On off your phone.. Then try again.. Yeah.. If this post make it to my blog.. That mean i'm connected.. Hehe.. So.. Testing.!

feeling sad...all the time

so.... every day i fel bored... most of it happen at night.. i dont know want happen... i just wish can slowly change things.. i really had a wish.. but all that wish is just want to make me happy.. but wat i reallly want... is.... something unchangeable... impossible to achive... yeah..

here i currently wish of.. a house... a big house... and a car... honda civic.. hehe... all of this i can achive... dont this not wat i really wanted in my heart.. well.. better wish something that can get rather something impossible...

last saturday i went to b1 wit friend, go watch movie.. well i realise that i a boring guy.. go out have nothing to do... i'm a boring guy... lucky the person i going out is my long lost adik angkat.. so.. she dont mind... haha... still... i a lame guy... y not more excitement from me... :(

and today... i found out some1 that emotional as me, single last time, always complain about life... well.. i just found out she already move on and found some1... herm... so so fast... huhuhu... try lar i'm her... life would be easy...

ok lar.. that all i want to say..got lots again... just i forget...bye

blogging!!!

yeah..just about i start want to blog endlessly my phone started make problem....

yerp...stilll talk about my phone...

so.. today today today..


i got work to do... still feel like doing office work and not much civil engineering owrk... i get my cubical..my desk... all are complete... i need to order cabinet again.. i can feel my file will increase quickly as i help other engineer.. all the paper work i done come back to me... for my personal keeping... tonnes of drawing on my table already... herm... i really need to arrange my table... hehe... but my table is empty.. some1 buy for me things like pen holder, flower, and other cute2 things... hahaha

i need to have acess to internet.. i miss my blog so much... lots to tell... although my life is boring... really boring.. so so sad.... feel my life is meaningless... well... time passes... i think it will be the same...

herm...phone cant post

huhuhu...my phone had been bar and i unbar it...the problem now is i cant send email from my phone which mean i cant post to my blog...sad...

first work

Hehe.. Today i seem happy.. Excited my new work to be done.. Is not a real project.. Just need to calculate back the building.. Is the santavan forest heretage building at tuaran building, they say the building is beautifull and peacefull.. Hehe.. Is my first job, and i feel the job that i really want since i learn about civil engineer, is a design job, very hard.. Well.. At least it can make me think other that her.. Hehe. I also learn to give order to other people.. Copy this, print this.. And don't forget say thanks.. Hehe.. Still got lots to learn..

well.. This afternoon, i went to kolombong wit my colleague, theasia. She only one that almost same age wit me (25 Years old), well.. At least got rather than none.. Hehe.. So.. We eat at food city.. Hehe.. I just drive my car and she show me the way..

that all my working day today.. Is true that today experience give me a valueable insight of my work

Hehe.. So.. Today an experience will offer the most valueable insight.. Hehe.. So.. I need to gain experience today..could be i need to recalculate a building.. Mean.. I have work to do.. Hehe..

Yeah.. Is true to not plan my work today.. I should ask other engineer for work rather wait my architech drawing.. Haha.. Bored for 1 whole day.. And today wednesday, i wish i can watch movie.. Huh..

Today wisdom.. No plan too much.. Is more flexibe to think.. Hehe..

today morning i got breakfast wit one of the partner, the boss.. Hehe.. Nothing much to tell.. The food paid by him.. Hehe.. So.. Good morning everyone!

Today i got work to do.. Hehe.. No more boring day for me.. About my morning post, i didn't encounter any conflict today, i guess.. It just an everyday routine.. Tomoro i got assignment to do.. Yeah.. Haha.. Not much people excited wit his work, not me, for me..

lately i been feeling depress.. I feel that everything still the same. Nothing change inside my mind.. I still think about something unchangeable.. Huh.. What to do.. I feeling alone.. Only a few people that ask how am i.. Well.. Hope time passes here and i forget, hopefully..right now I miss her.. Deeply..

Hi.. Today i been told to stay away from any conflicts.. I could make it worst.. Hehe.. All the conflicts usually come from existing problem or from serious change.. Huh

so.. Morning.. Hope got work and not bored to dead.. And start again serious blogging.. Is been a while..

100 post, 100 truth

yeah..i dont know how to celebrate my 100th post... last time i want update on my new pc in the office but the admin dont want give me internet line...huhu..

now i got a better idea.. i been tag for 100 truth..

WHAT WAS YOUR:

1. Last beverage: teh o
2. Last phone call: none
3. Last text message: none..no one to call or text
4. Last song you listened to: hannah montana - the climb
5. Last time you cried : today at church... only tear..think about my stay at kk

HAVE YOU EVER:
6. Dated someone twice: nope
7. Been cheated on: yes
8. Kissed someone & regretted it: nope..for wat regretted it
9. Lost someone special: totally yes..
10. Been depressed: everyday..every moment
11. Been drunk and threw up: yes...

LIST THREE FAVORITE COLOURS:
12. yellow
13. blue
14. black

THIS YEAR HAVE YOU: (2009)
15. Made a new friend: yes
16. Fallen out of love: sadly..none
17. Laughed until you cried: yes
18. Met someone who changed you: nope
19. Found out who your true friends were: herm...can say yes...
20. Found out someone was talking about you: i dont know..do u?
21. Kissed anyone on your friend list: nope
22. How many people on your friends list do you know in real life: facebook friends?? yes.. i know almost all of it..
23. How many kids do you want to have: 4
24. Do you have any pets: i want to...currently none
25. Do you want to change your name: sylvester is great name
26. What did you do for your last birthday: clebrated wit friend
27. What time did you wake up today: 6..go to church
28. What were you doing at midnight last night: watch tv..hbo
29. Name something you CANNOT wait for: love...
30. Last time you saw your Mother: last 2 weeks ago..
31. What is one thing you wish you could change about your life: being not lonely and still got her..
32. What are you listening to right now: TVBS... i dont understand a word
33. Have you ever talked to a person named Tom: Nope...
34. What's getting on your nerves right now: know the truth about some1
35. Most visited webpage: facebook, and blogspot
36. Whats your real name: Sylvester Ipoh
37. Nicknames: syl, sal, sil, ter ter, bibi, ahter, sylwest, vester..
38. Relationship Status: Single..huhuu
39. Zodiac sign: Libra
40. Male or female : Male
41. Elementary?: Chi Wen
42. Middle School?: St. Anthony
43. High school/college?: UiTm penang and Shah Alam
44. Hair colour: Dark...
45. Long or short: Short...
46. Height: tall enough
48: What do you like about yourself?: caring, curious, loving
49. Piercings: none
50. Tattoos: none
51. Righty or lefty: righty

FIRSTS :
52. First surgery: none
53. First piercing: dont hve piercings lo
54. First best friend: Gary mojingol
55. First sport you joined: badminton
56. First vacation: kk
58. First pair of trainers: when school started sport..cant remember

RIGHT NOW
59. Eating: hungry
60. Drinking: is been a while
61. I'm about to: bath
62. Listening to: again..TVBS..i cant understand
63. Waiting on: something wonderfull happen..like in my dream

YOUR FUTURE :
64. Want kids? : want
65. Get Married? : want..
66. Career? : be a profesional engineer

WHICH IS BETTER :
67. Lips or eyes: eyes
68. Hugs or kisses: Kisses and hugs..both
69. Shorter or taller: Taller
70. Older or Younger: younger
71. Romantic or spontaneous : Romantic
72. Nice stomach or nice arms: stomach
73. Sensitive or loud : Sensitive
74. Hook-up or relationship : Relationship
75. Trouble maker or hesitant: hesitant..but both i dont argee

HAVE YOU EVER :
76. Kissed a stranger: never
77. Drank hard liquor: yes
78. Lost glasses/contacts: my contacts
79. Sex on first date: nope
80. Broken someone's heart: yes, i do
82. Been arrested : yes..because a friend
83. Turned someone down: yes and i'm sorry
84. Cried when someone died: Yes, I do
85. Fallen for a friend?: herm...nope

DO YOU BELIEVE IN:
86. Yourself : yes
87. Miracles : yes..i want now..come on
88. Love at first sight : hehe..want
89. Heaven: yes
90. Santa Claus: yes..i want a gift
91. Kiss on the first date: sure....
92.Angels: yes
93.lost: nice tv series

ANSWER TRUTHFULLY:
94. Had more than 1 girlfriend/boyfriend at a time : never
95. Did you sing today? : nope
96. Ever cheated on somebody? : never
97. If you could go back in time, how far would you go? : when i first date her..form 5 i guess
98. If you could pick a day from last year and relive it, what would it be? : 1 january.. and want to stay it that way
99. Are you afraid of falling in love? : nope...open for new 1 but still love the last 1
100. Posting this as 100 truths? Yes...


yeah.. happy 100th post for me!!

baby stuff

This saturday will be my boss baby fullmonth.. We will celebrate at dowish restaurant at penampang there.. Hehe.. So today i go find present to buy, i go to city mall to find the present.. Hehe.. I brought 1 set of baby cloth.. Hehe.. Cute..

this pass 2 days i been feeling a bit down.. Not due to my work.. But just my personal feeling.. You all can guess what is it.. Huh.. Lucky got jacqueline cheer my day. We msg.. Hehe.. Another day pass wit i doing nothing at office..

Baby Julie

Hi...herm... last weekend i spend my time at my anty justina house at kingfisher house.. i need to go there to go to church at sunday... huhuu...macam terpaksa this... :P

anyway.. is been a while i never stay there, i still remember last time when they all at labuan and stay at layang-layangan before to go to kk.. and then after that time... we just lost contact..

well.. time passes again and i'm working at kk, here.. only 2 of my kazen that are same age...not exactly same age but... consider young adult lar.. huhuhu...

so... there never a picture before in this blog, so . i give the honour my kazen to be the first picture in this blog... i never intended to put picture, because i dont like loook at myself... ok she know to play piano, sing.... herm..that it is guess...:P

i like to listen to her piano playing... espesially romantic love song... hehehe... ok lar.. nothing to talk... here a youtube video she playing piano.. only hands in action k... love story by taylor swiff


i know is bad quality.. but is nice..:) will post soon about at piano piece... may be this weekend again...:)

good morning

Good morning every1, today i'm arrive at office super early.. None of the staff had arrive.. Hehe.. I guess i wrong timing.. Haha.. Oh ya.. Yesterday, there no electricity in the office which mean no work.. Haha.. I able go to go bank and settle everything..

yeah!!

maybank

Hi.. Today seem a bit lost.. I want make new account but seriously hard.. No parking.. Long q hehe.. Well.. I wish i had time to do it.. Hehe. Which mean i don't make new account.. Haiya. so bad.. Huh..

yesterday i had time to play computer.. Hehe.. Lucky for me.. I can chat. Herm.. Basically thats all happen in my life..

first day at work

Hi.. I'm now in my company.. Feel quite happy today because some1 i contact that cheer me up and ask how am i..

but i feel boring.. No pc.. Herm.. Yeah.. I been call as engineer baru.. Haha.. And i'm the youngest.. Bos call me highly ambition because i want became PE, hehe.. Don't want disappointed him, but i don't know how work done here.. And here no overtime, the only time that count is deadline of the project.. Bye..

going le.... bye... bye... bye.... too heavy to move...

tears..... hate it....

so...today is the last day.... well...i hate it.. being apart that i lie to myself... that this my choice kunun... is not.. ish.... why i'm that hard and stubborn... i need just go on wit my life... i hate it...

no facebook, no messenger.. nothing can fill my loneliness now... ish... i just took a few good friend no during my holiday..i hope they can help... how i wish it was u...

lost contact

When think of it.. I will have no pc at kk.. I'm fear that it will depress me.. I can update my blog.. But all this time, yahoo messenger and facebook had been friend for me.. Damn.. I scare i will be lonely.. Huh.. Anyone can borrow me a laptop.. Please.. Hehe..

herm.. i been counting my day... tomoro is my last day i'm at labuan... there lots of thing in my mind... i need to settle my car, license and ticket.... everything seem last minit... i feel heavy to move on... even now, i'm really sad...

just now, i went to Cayra parent house... just want to inform them that i going this wednessday... there are happy for me as i got a job... hehe... and also happy i'm visiting them...

a part of me feel that in so happy at that place... this where we spend most of the time... well... is also sad that it is just memories... i know i shouldnt go there... but i need to tell them that i got a job, is something that they will proud of...

my mind still cant let it go.... the lies.... the pain that i endured... i wish life a simple as we planned.. nothing is perfect...

i ever tell some1 about fairy tales that seem so perfect... she said life isnt fairy tales... welll...life is not perfect, but if we have the will and determiantion.. we can create 1... so... i know my life are not perfect, but i can always make my life 1 step closer to it.

happy from love problem

Hi.. Tonight had been a remarkable night for.. Apart being miss some1 that leave me.. But tonight, i feel really happy. Because tonight, i able to feel again the joy of love.. Hehe.. Is this girl.. She had trouble wit her life so i try to speak to her.. Well.. It turn out to be love problem, a twin love.. But is not all we talk about.. She actually quite understanding. She know that i need to move on.. Yet she make me remind the relationship that i ever had.

we talk about how silly love can be and how pain it create.. Is been a while that i talk about love to other people except this blog.. I told her how is feel like to meet some1 that is so prefect.. For me, i'm sure is piano, singing, confident speaker, wonderfull writing and dancing.. I'm so happy, all this had kept inside me, i never express my love to other people.. She stood there listen. I know i need to move on and you all know talking about this wont help.. But it actually wrong.. Talk about love and our love to some1 can make me feel happy.. Happy is needed to make a push for a positive move.. That what i need right now, be happy wit my life.. No more sad and lonely

we also talk about the other family, the family of our boy friend or girl friend. Is actually hard to let go once trust is given from them.. She don't want disappoint the other family, and i will never too.. Being accept in a family is important.. Well.. I do get.. But. Now.. Herm..

i also ask suggestion about some1, some1 that is single and suit me, but i feel is a small chance that it will happening.. Haha..

so.. Tonight.. I feel great. Thanks to her..

movie - Last Chance Harvey, 18 Year Old Virgin, Knowing, Street Fighter: The Legend of Chun-Li ,

Herm... Another movie... this may bethe last movie that i'm goin to watch before i leave to my job at kk..which mean i will leave my pc here at home...

Last Chance Harvey.. is a sad story... a divorce dad, harvey have to struggli to make a living by playing jazz piano for ad... in the movie, the producer want younger talent so he had to let go of harvey... but this movie is not about harvey job... is about his life.. in this movie, he went to his daughter wedding... he discover that he had miss her daughter life, her daughter had more closer to her step father... the intense of this movie start when her daughter ask her step father to let her go on the wedding ceremony... harvey became so heart broken... he feel he been alienate in the family... on the other side of the world, similar path on a stewardess, she is a single lady... well her life is like mine life, lonely and boring... hehehe.. ok ok...well.. this movie is all about taking chance, as both of them meet each other and became good friend in just 1 night .... so...this movie is great.. it remind of me that i just need to look for oppurnity and the oppurnity always come in silent... u never know it even in front of ur eye... taking chance when u know it was the best for u... hehehe.. yeah... 7 out of 10 this movie..

18 Year Old Virgin..herm..this movie is bad.. really really bad... full of naked scene... is about a girl want to lose her virginity.... well... lame topic to make a move... in my mind why must this night... is there no other night..... huhu.... ok.... 2 out of 10 for the movie.. and 7 out of 10 for sex comedy and nude scene... this totally not my type of movie... some may be consider best ...:p

knowing.. this movie interest me because it play by Nicolas Cage...basicly this story about knowing the future.... kinda bored... lots of number.. litte of action.... but the accident scene were awesome... hehehe... i love see the effect of commercial airplane drop down the sky... and the subware train derail inside the tunnel... nicolas cage play its role nice.. well.. ok..that all about it... 6 out of 10

Street Fighter: The Legend of Chun-Li.. ok this movie is all about chun-li..great introduction to the street fighter.. well there no street fighter.. is all about chunli... u know about like marvel did? make a super hero movie like the hulk and iron men.. is all connected... well... is same with capcom did... is about chunli... is a great movie, location at bangkok... it capture the life of chunli every much, hunt down Bison, train by Gen... here... sadlyVega dead in the movie.. and the bison bos die too... hehehe... u must be wondering who will be villian on the next movie... owh.. 1 thing again...ryu are the next..i guess....6 out of 10 for the fighting scene

lies on the path

today, i just comfirm that i really get a job, i will sart working on 1th july, i really excited wih this but at the same time, i am scare. there lots in my mind, such as the work place, the condition of it, the working life, transportation, accomodation and food.. first of all, i will stay at my autie place, just temporary. till i find a room. i may be brinng my SL3355 car to sabah... need to declare the car as soon as possbile..

to tell u the truth, i really don want this path. this path that i choose because my current situation. why dont i just work at labuan, the life would be simple, everything are provided. but thing arent go as we planned... first of all... i been dump... second... i emotional and cant move on.. third... i sick wit my life... i need to leave labuan because everytime i'm here, my mind cant stop thinking about her, everytime i go out to town, i really wish i can saw her and the same time i scare to meet her... going to church, send my sibling to tuition, as usual my eye and my mind cant stop looking and thinking... i know i such a desperado.. i really are.... this happen when u love some1 so much and u cant let go..

life must go on... well.. wat can i do?? i just work work work... being alone i strangter town... there no place i can go... going to mall alone... no.... going watch movie alone... no... may be i need to find new friend... yeah... like she did... find a new dependable friend, dump the old 1... yeah... that easy way to start a new life.. well...i have to do it..find a new friend... if not, welcome OT, work work work... have a lifeless life... suck ah... may be my head will became bold..

ok ok...i like to talk about my sadness.. if i follow my heart now, it will be stay here, work here, and get ur love of my life... hahaha..my heart doesnt care being broken lots of times.. i the 1 that do feel the pain.. better get out this place..dont be stupid syl.. u know the reallity we two will never be happening again... dont keep on suffering... ok... the way to do that is... out of labuan and start a new 1... end of story

movie trailer - Dance, Subaru!

this movie is recommend by Davne



hehehe .. first time i saw this trailer... i feel want to watch this movie..is a dance movie, i guess.. WOW....

movie - girlfriend experience, 12 rounds

yeah..i watch 2 more movie..

girlfriend experience is about escort girl, this escort girl is played by Sasha Grey, who is a pornstar. olright.... well.. she is high class call girl, and she have a boy friend. so that make this story interesting. so... some of it talks about America economic, how the stimulus plan work. but it also show an inside of a high class call girl work. she choice her client by looking at the background, the family, and the reason of her client. but at the same time she would like to increase her rate. her date wit her client is like be a girlfriend, listen the client, make client feel he is at other place. so.. how the boyfriend feel about it?? well they make a rules.. by studying the background of the client, and 1 important thing, is it had to be done at town... hehe.. the connection between the client seem to be real but is artificial but the relationship between her boyfriend is real.. wat trouble me is some part of the movie, the script, it remind me of conversation i ever had... well... those frustrate moment.... damn... ok..the movie... 6 out of 10

12 rounds...hehe...this movie is kinda cheap... well..mission save the girlfriend... go there..go here... hehe... blow thing there...well... i love the end puzzle where everything is connected.. but the development of the story.. is not that great.. the acting, is full of bullshit.. especially the FBI agent... but i said i again...the puzzle is great... hehe.. 5 out of 10

more movie soon... 5 coming out.. herm... transformer... hope labuan cinema got it...

answer in my heart

hey..i don i perasaan or wat... but 1 thing is sure.. i would never hate u....i saw u in arm or other guy... rejected me thousand times..times had passes yet the feeling still the same... only a broken heart the broken and broken again.. i try to be nice and stay out ur way.. my journey is like in sitting on the car, beside my car is with a tint glass. i can see u where heading, but really cant see wat happening inside the car... i dont know when the journey end, may be infront is a forked road where it spilt... but i try my best get back to u... i know u got lots of this inside ur life, things that u cant be comminted..u should be more understanding on your needs and ur life.. sorry.. wat had u done is already passed, u ever forgive me for wat i had done, i would do the same, our moment is precious and have that moment once again i all i dream off.. i know i dream alot, wishing everytime and hope the impossible... but u know it and care about it...

as we grown up, you had ddevelop your mind, to be somebody else.. i know u always choice the right path.. u know the outcome are for ur best..keep moving forward and have all the help u need... i know the pass i always tell u wat to do, for my best, i could be forget wat teamwork mean.. i thanks for ur patient and ur caring altidude..but now, nothing can change ur mind becauese wat i had done you, you realise is bad, you heart are not feel the same way as before.. how i wish u give me chance again, i'm sure this time i would open my eye and ear..

the way u leave, the way u run away... i have to say is a brave move.. one in this world albe to be tat strong, with every1 around u opposite opinion, i have turn them against u, i know u still got ur friend that help u escape the devil.. i know am i bad person, no word can change ur heart now.. our time together had change u alot, i think u know that, u from trouble girl to be a strong independent sucesfull girl that live the life in the fullest..

time had passes and i still misses..i unable the forget the pain, the joy... i know i need to move forward, in lonely path.. and sad path.. my life now are empty..i keep finding oppornity the feel my jar, yet, i dont have that much luck.. i try..try.. there not thing perfect in our life... each person had its own weakness..

i know u still look on person the u left, i know that u still care... u happy for them if there are happy too...hehehe.. i know u are a caring person.. lastly.. i want to tell u just keep move forward... forward ur career, achive ur dream, show that u are bettter person but dont compare it.. a better person can mean u out of sins and able to contribute to the world..

this were inside me since yet yesterday... i feel regret if i dont tell it.. i know that is not for me, is for fathers day, but i feel it is same apply to me....well... happy dreaming syl.... keep move on sylvester... got i job... feel missing in this world and my life... i wish thing change again... just pick up the phone and call.. i too heavy to do
it.. hope u can do it

job!!!

yeah..i get a job... but dont know when yet... working at utama jurutera perunding... hehe.... not a good news but is good news for moving on life... i finally will leave this peice of land....sad... i never hate u

coraline, horsemen and fired up

again...anather movie review..

coraline is a 3d puppet movie, the storyline is kinda interesting, where by a child are being abandon by busy parent, coraline is the child, a weird name. she like to explore the surrounding of her new house as she just move in... the new house had history on it.. 1 funny thing about the new house, as basement of the house, live 2 lady,those 2 lady want an angel dog, so they make the dog wit a shirt of an angel... on the artic of the house, live a monkey trainer that perfomn..haha.. well she explore the house and found a small door.. this small door is a magic door... it leave to the other world.. coraline go to the other door a found the opposite of her family..a caring family.... later she found out the this family is only illusion that like to trap small children.. she also found out the other ghostly children that cant go to heaven because the evil family take thier eye... hehehe..caroline make a deal to play a game wit the family... she escape and rescue the ghost chilhren by returning thier eye.... the soundtrack of this movie is great!!! i love it...

Horsemen is kinda boring story.. but the writer is good... it able to develop the story to became very intesthing.. the 4 horsemen from bible... the abonden children.. all of this make this movie great... it just hard to understand... the role of the parent.. the role model of a bigger brother.. the abuse of parent to children.. well this movie is good to the father and to be father..

fired up... this movie is ok as is not my type of movie... lots of chearleader.. i love the way the chear... well is a cheerleader camp and this 2 guy want be apart of it... well this movie is not for me...

that all i can to say.. hehe.. there something in my heart that i want to tell.. later post i post it

Movies!!

last friday, i just watch night in the museum 2, i impress wit that movie, more joke from the first 1.. the character in the story, haha.. make me laugh... Albert Einstein, angel, the monkey... haha.. and the amelia earhard is os special for me, she is strong to know that she is a candle figure but still want adventure.. u got to watch this movie..

next movie i watch is 27 dresses. right now i hate to watch romantic movie because there no romantic in me now, but i know i love that watch it because i love fairy tales... well.. i have to watch this movie because katherine Heigl were the star of it.. hehe... is from grey anatomy. the movie is about a gurl that had been bridemates for 27 times. she do it because she love to help people, i wondering why people dont want this kind gurl. later i realise that she love her boss. hehee.no wonder she didnt open for other people. wel... may be i just like me, but i pretty open up to others, still inside me are the same... ok..back to he movie.. ok.. there were the other guy, a columist that write about marrige. he try to know write story about katherine for being 27 bridemate, as she herself never get her own special day... hehe...i spoil most story to u all... one thing i learn from this story is he special some1 that u always wait may be is not the 1. she could the other person that we all dont know, may be some1 that we every hurt or been hurted.. is all easy to say, but to do it... to let go that special some1 we admired all the time, is seem impossible... like katherine did, she kiss her boss and found there no connection.. well.. wat should i did to know she is not the 1? i could be an old folk if i wait... i never try to wait, i open to something new, just always looking back...

next movie i watched is the game plan, is the rock movie... hehehe.. i watch this movie a couple times and it still touches me. i so emotional watch this movie... i feel i want to cry when watch the Peyton leave Joe... is always a sad thing... later in the story where they all knew that the mum had pass away... and Peyton have to leave her dad because the career.. well..is sad.. but the ending is nice... they were back together... 1 thing make look sad is the balletrina.. i remind me of some1, i dont know she still pratices or not.... i never see her perform... never got the chance.. i sure she is an excellent dance now.... happy for her.. zero for me....

well.. there lots more movie i will watch... this is wat i do.....

going to watch night in the museum 2

yeah..labuan cinema got it.. it even got terminator salvation and angel and demon. hehehe.. i will watch night in the museum this weekend.... may tonight, tomoro night o sunday night...

study or master

hi.. yesterday...a friend of mine, shikin asking about making choice to study or work... then lala also asking the same quesetion... this question came up to me by Michelle, she aslso confuse wit her path.

so...wat i telling them... i said it all depend on u... wat is ur path... do u want to study? do u want to work?? to learn something new?? is all depend on us... but every decision had its own outcome.. well...if u taking study, u need to pay for it, unless u can study part time, and work part time, but in engineering, work part time is kinda impossible, unless u are a manager or something, handling a project required dedication. so.. study required money, u can take loan, or just from parent, still we need to think about it?? does this burden people around us, our parent, our future to pay for it, and does it have benefit. well...study to mater level had lots of benefit, me myself would like to take master level. it just i have lots of little brother.. so i consider to work... master of me is another way to earn knowlagde, a piece of knowlagde that an industri cant give us... it make us versitatile in that field. it make us more understand how and why the engineering work. it is very important..

how about work?? ok... she ask me because she get accepted to GAMUDA, well..that her think twice about rejecting it... is a big company. and it will waste the opportunity.. well..if choice work, we can able to stand on ourself, u have total control on our life, is a big company and sure athe salary are big... but why so eager to work?? may be because lifetime opportunity is hard to come by. it we lose it, we will never get it... i know the 1 person had this type of opportunity, well, she took she took the job, this because she consider her background, she dont have anything at that time, study will cost more money, so.. she took the right move by accepting the job.. to help herself, and the family... so.. working is not that bad... consider we got a dergee, is enough to be an engineer.. working experince can taught us alot too.. working experince will teach us to be more indepedent on our work, more decision we can hanlde, and at last, working experince making us a more responsible engineer...

so..the other path is take the work and then after 2- 5 years... well.. continue study... but do u have the will to take it?? do u strong enough to open book once 5 years leave to book.. u have any family?? study and leave the job is not good of making our own family... well.. that thng need to be consider.. herm...i perhaps can take tat path.... :P... 5 years working experience and a master... i have the best of both world....

so...i know people there thinking about this... i just want to say..trust urself.. decide ur path and goal... think every posibble path and see the outcome... choise wat is best for u and ur heart... remember.. is all depend on u....there nothing wrong... i choice my path... is became profesional engineer.. may be after that i take master... a lonely guy... path....

about me

Hi.. There are something bothering me today.. My feeling.. I want tell you about myself. I'm a boring person.. I'm not outgoing.. Shy.. Coward.. When i'm small, i always like to imagine.. I like to be in action hero.. Wit super power..

as i grow up, i don't have real hobbies.. I love gaming.. But something stop me, money. Buying a computer is expensive.. Well.. My life is mostly study.. There another passion which is reading and writing.. I like to read detective story.. Write anything..

well.. As i develop, i slowly like high culture thing. I like to speak english, even my english is broken.. Hehe.. I did join the debat team, but is a bad idea.. I have interest in instrumental music, mostly classical.. Hehe.. I like people that speak english, play piano and outgoing.. Seem that is all opposite from me..

then i go to a bigger city, i enjoy the fine dining food.. Something like secret recipe, kenny roger, nandos, sushi king. I also like fashion.. Myself are not so fashion. But somehow, when i go to mall, i feel. I feel.. I feel that i need to bring some1 to this mall, share shopping opinion. Well.. I never have that chance to shop wit her.. Never feel the joy of shopping..

the other thing i like i also nature, i like place that is peacefull, cold temperature, and full of nature.. I really wish go to kundasang wit her, but that only a wish..

1 other thing is my life mostly influence by cayra, she always i look up, she is special in all kind.. Without her, my life will be dull.. Thanks dear.. I also would like share everything to her.. You know, i save all the happiness that i get, and wish i can give to her, place like waterfall, kundasang, fine dining.. All of this i would like to share wit her.. Well.. I waste it..

ok.. There lots more i want to tell.. Every moment i wish i can write this as i like to share my feeling..

spaghetti

this afternoon i make spaghetti hahahaha... and is not enough, but is good for this time... i know some1 dont like spaghetti, dont like sour food...herm.... next two i'm going to cook spaghetti again... now feel a bit hungry...

look out

Hi.. There a lot i want tell you all.. At sunday and monday.. But nothing interesting. Sunday is very difficult for me.. I go to church.. My eye always on the look out for her.. I scare to meet her.. And i keep looking on the car.. Haha.. Is a hard day for me.. My mind feeling scare to meet her because just scare to see she wit other guy.. I need to move on..

so.. Anything happen at monday.. Nothing much.. I need to make a to do list, because everyday i feel i want to do something but i don't do it.. I hate my life.. I need to be happy.. I need stop thinking about her..

stress out

Today.. I feel quite stress out.. Not that i do anything.. I just at home playing games.. Well.. Sometimes my mind mess up.. I think too much.. I think about th pass.. It make me happy, i can't deny it.. But at same time, it just a memories.. I wish i can have new 1. But it just not that simple, none are coming.. I really need it..

so.. What do i really think? Is my pass.. I think later i will tell.. I really miss her now.. Do i know she already got some1 else? I don't know.. I really don't want to know.. i scare to know.. Each time i think of it, i got a creep feeling.. Ish.. Now i'm scare.. My head feel dizzy.. Please lord.. I can't take it..

result

Have i told you all about i just get my result? Yes.. I just get my result.. This time i get not so good.. i get 3.26. Damn.. And my cgpa is 3.4 kinda easy to remember.. Well.. I can say i have lots of problem on semester 8, new place, new environment, and new sad life..

if i were a bit happy on those day.. Will there be different.? If there have some1 supported me, cheer me, care about me.. Well.. That will be nice.. Well i got none of those.. But i can't blame my situation.. Is my fault too.. Didn't move on..

ok.. Now i got my result.. So? Whats up? I still think about her.. May be i could call her and tell her.. Haha she wont answer..

bad decision

Today is a bad day for me.. May be because tomoro is weekend.. I don't like it because i have nobody to enjoy wit.. I left alone..

today i did something stupid.. I drive my sis to fp for piano class, i need to wait for 45 min.. Guess what.. I lazy to wait then i drive back home.. Stupid right? Wasting oil.. Haha.. I just hate being alone.. Dah lar my life is suck.. Every moment i wait make me feel suffer.. I wish i got happy life.. I try to.. But something always in my mind.. Is her.. I need to move on.. Need to forget.. I just can't.. Well.. Come on..

i really wish can talk to her..

porridge

Just this afternoon i try to cook porridge.. I want to make chicken porridge.. Haha.. Guess what happen.. I burned it.. Haha.. Well.. I have to eat maggi..

i wondering how she doing. Is been a while i didn't heard from her.. I know she do care.. I know she do look after me.. But wat stopping her from to do it? Is because of me? That i still over her.. What?

i'm now install the sims 3 hehe.. Excited..

Saman

i just back from town..just paid my saman... and i got 8 saman on my motorcycle...hahaha... well..those illegal parking had cost me alot...1 saman is about 30 ringgit... then i paid for rapidshare account for 1 month.... got sims 3 coming... yeah... i hope she still love sims... this new 1 i hope she will get excited... just hope she konw about it....

When There Was Me and You

i just woke up and saw this high school musical..i love this song...hahaha..i love female voice..but hearing this song again remind of me.. i always think of miracle could be happening anytime soon..fairytale... dream... my feeling.. the truth... all in a 1 song... the smile u give to me... make me really happy.. but then u change.. now i really lonely.. i left alone...change haven't come upon me.. i know being wit u could just a fairy tales, a dream..i won come true.. :(.. i always confuse wit my feeling ..all because i love being wit u... my heart belong to you...

good night

Hey.. Is me talking again.. I kinda feel down, as usual.. Well.. Perhaps that you know about me, perhaps you really know me, who i really are, what i really are. Or even some1 never knew me.. Well.. I'm different, i'm not outgoing, i'm shy, i'm coward, skinny.. People say never judge by it cover.. Is true..

i always asking myself what i'm missing? Till some1 change her feeling.. Looking to your desire last time.. You like cute guy, perhap western.. Not skinny and yet not fat, outgoing, a bit bad guy altitude, got a job. That all i can think of now.. Well.. I have none of those..

why i thinking of this now? Because is in my mind now. Hey.. Reader.. Does love can turn to hate? Or even emptiness.. In my case.. I still love.. Heart have different way tell us that.. You try to hate but you get pierce in the heart because love strong inside me..

good night.. Love you and miss you.. Muah.. Long time didn't say that.. Love you too and miss you too.. Muah..

hannah montana

Just finish watch hannah montana the movie.. The movie is nice.. I love the song. Especially the climb.. Well.. Is kinda nice to have the best of both world.. One being famous which is what ever people want, well famous in somewhere.. The other is have a normal like wit all the love and care of family and friends..

the movie tell that miley need to leave hannah because she hardly manage herself.. At the end, she tell about her secret at her hometown.. Being famous had hurt lots of people that know miley including her family.. Lots more to tell but you gotta see it

well.. If i had a choice to choose, i will choose being famous because my normal life suck.. Being a rock star and became spoil.. Because deep inside me still the normal person and i hate my normal life, famous mean can have anything, but without love and care.. Being other character could be a wise choice to not show every1 that you not happy.. I think i playing other character now..

well.. I think this blog are my home, where i feel free that about myself.. This is real me.. A weak person.. You saw me, i'm look ok, that the other person..

hey.. I just my blog on facebook.. For every1 that come from there.. Welcome! Sad blog..

question

My mind had lots of question, some question if ask will too obvious and too desperate. I don't know how to ask it.. If i don't ask, i wont know.. If i don't know, i keep wondering, keep dreaming.. But the other thing is, how to ask? Haha.. Thing simple became complicated by me..

unhappy pathway

The whole day i had been feeling tense.. I really hate for what really happening.. I know something that suppose to let unknown.. I feel all my dream and my hope are all gone.. I being so naive.. Believe something impossible..

she wont fall back to you sylvester, accept it.. Why you still hurtin your self by believe something impossible.. I know i should let go.. Arghhh. All this time i had been feeling alone.. All my feeling.. Well.. Only this blog know.. I been left like this.. I really sad..

i always feel the other side will not help me.. You know.. Why? Why i still hoping for love.. Michelle point me out that i got my career to be looking forward for.. I want be a professional engineer.. Well.. I told her there no point i'm looking forward for my career.. What make me really happy is love some1 and being loved.. Is wat i really are.. I have that desire.. Well.. My life will be not happy.. I know it.. I going to a path that full of sadness, suffering.. I don't want choose this path.. But it already happening

i know i'm weak dear.. But please care for me.. That what i'm hoping for.. It ain't happening.. I'm sorry if i say something not nice on last post.. But it could be true.. We never know what had change for last 6 month..

feeling sad

Right now.. I'm feel quite sad.. I just talk to michelle.. I feel quite better.. Still inside me are sad.. My pass is over and will never repeat it self.. I miss the old memories.. The hug, the touch.. I need to move on.. Good night sylvester.. Go to sleep..

hating this

At labuan, there nothing i can do beside hoping.. At here, my duty is only as a brother.. So.. Everyday, I have to send them to tuition, do cooking, a lots of house chore.. But most of the time i'm sitting at pc and play games.. It help me forget and keep the time moving forward.. I miss my old time where i spend my time on other thing.. Now.. Is just me.

going to church, praying the same thing, hoping find some1 at there.. Well.. She not there.. May be i try to call.. Nah.. She wont answer.. Well.. I hate my life.. Even i open up for something new, it ain't coming.. My life is too bored to attract something new..

guess what happen again.. I saw her.. Where.. Nowhere.. Just a picture of her.. How she look like? Improve and happy.. So? May be happy without me or wit some1 new.. Well.. I miss her.. I can only look her, she don't care about me, i better move on. Suck right.. Yeah.. My life is suck.. I'm all alone.. She may be not.. She may be hugging some1 right now.. Damn.. I really miss her. End of story..

back again

Hi.. I'm now on ferry going back to labuan, just finish my interview.. My interview was ok.. May be will have another interview..

well.. Going back to labuan again.. In the same express ferry, i remember some bad things happen in the ferry.. Where i been sit alone.. Those sad days, now just a memories, still those memories is strong in my mind.. I really wish it happen again.. Even it bad, but still are together.. Well.. I need to move on..

at lbn, nothing i'm hoping for.. I gonna be same.. I still hold th same wish that will never come true.. What else that can keep me alive beside that..

kampung

Hi.. I'm fine here.. Just bored waiting the time pass by.. No pc around.. No internet.. Haha.. Ok.. On tuesday i got interview.. How was it? I can say i didn't quite bad.. Is my first interview, and i didn't get ready.. They ask me why i want be civil engineer? What my subject at CERTAIN semester? I can't answer well.. Haha.. Damn.. My memory are bad.. Anyway, i like to positive side of the interview.. I may be have chance to get a job.. This friday i got another interview.. I sure get ready for it..

after the interview, we straight away go to keningau, is a 3 hour journey.. Damn bored.. At keningau, i went to my father's kazen house..

after that.. On wednesday, i go back to my Kampung at kuala penyu, spend there for 1 night..

yesterday i feel like is a special day for me.. Is a 6 for me.. Anyway.. I always remember the date.. I now miss some1 so much.. I know the other side i had no hope.. But hopefully, if i work at kk.. I can move on.. But stil my heart feel like stay at lbn.

finding UJP

Hi.. Today is the second day of my holiday at kk.. Funny thing happen today. Tomoro is my interview for my job tomoro, and today i try to find the company. It took my like 2 hour to find the company, it located quite deep.. Haha.. Damn, i about to work at this place and i still don't know the places around kk.. Haha..

and then i went to shopping at central point.. I buy lots of thing.. Parent sponser.. My parent feel weird wit thing that i brought.. All too fashionable..

the working at kk is not my idea in the first place.. Before this i planning to work at lbn to be wit some1 close. But now thing seem to change, for me at lbn, i feel suffer because i always feel she around me.. All the memories is like yesterday.. Well.. At least i can be alone again at kk.. Sad..

hey.. 1 special day for me is close, and i feel i need to do something, although that thing is useless.. Ok.. Wish me luck for tomoro interview..

3 day silent..

Is been a while i didn't post at this blog since thursday.. I'm at kk now.. Having holiday at kk wit family.. Before i tell my journey to kk.. I want share about my life.. What happen since my last post..

on thursday night, i went to cayra parent house.. She not there.. Well.. Along the way to the house, i feel that is like a flashback, thing that i do routine when i'm at lbn had happen again.. But somehow, even i feel like excited because that usually the feeling i got when go to the house.. But this time, a feeling of lost, misses, and sad, things had changed to worst, this time i'm going there and she not there.. Well is so sad.. What to do.. When i arrive, i welcome by the family quite well. The treatment i get is the same as last time when i'm wit cayra.. Well.. This make me miss her again.. The reason i go there because i feel i want go there, to just see them because i feel i'm in the family already.. Well.. I need to change that feeling because i'm no longer wit cayra, having accept them will be too much over.. You can't be family wit some1 that had rejected me, is not right.. We talk about me, mostly me.. Haha.. Thing feel different now..

and this friday.. Nothing much i can talk.. I know where i will be interview.. Know what time.. This feel the puzzle i that need to complete.. Now.. I need to get ready about the interview, such as, my cloth, my certificate, and my confident..

now.. I want to tell about my journey to kk.. I'm going to kk using ferry. At kuala penyu, i attend wedding kenduri, the kenduri is really not i expected, the food can say is different, haha.. At kk, i stay at my aunt justina house. I went to 1borneo, do some shopping.. But 1 thing in my mind, my bad memories arise, here, i been abandon and rejected by some1. That time i willing do anything because i love her so much.. Still that not enough at that time.. Sadly time had passes.. I need to move on.. Ok lar.. I will tell more about my holiday at kk again..

i'm using mobile phone do this blogging. Bye

Thursday~~~

today i only play DOTA... nothing much i can do.... i really feel i going to be crazy.... my car being use by my parent... i really miss some1....she feeling sick... wat else i can say... nothing to do... ok... that all my post today...

Making ko chong

ko chong?? is a packed rice... today is the celebration of it... so my mum take leave from work to make it... today nothing interesting happen.. nothing in my mind... same thing i think about... hahaha

i just apply job 1 place...nothing i can hope for....herm..... boring day for me.. thinking about some1.. nothing can do about it...

mental check for me

is been a while i never write something serious in my blog.. all the time i write wat i feel.. how i should do this, do that..wat happen.. so.. my view of my life?? hard to say.. at this moment, the only thing i think is my life sucks... hahaha come on syl... ur life is more than that.. i view my life seem to be empty.. nothing special happen in my life.. seldom happy moment.. everynight i feel like want to talk... just feel want to feel secure that my life is actually fine... well... i dont have that... that make me feel that the life is useless.. hey... 1 thing i learn is be apprieciate my life much better.. things around the world always change.. nothing stay there forever.. i lost someting important to me, could be because of me, my life last time is like just let it be.. i dont really care wat happen around me, only care about 1 person.. well.. that could be my mistake.. i only see in 1 person..

now.. all are gone.. i have to start a new one.. i have to see different way.. i have to move forward.. but at same time, i always looking at my back... i know is not healty, but that only give me strenght.. i not the person that have job, have means of going anyway, have friend that will help me, handsome, have a special some1.. basicly... i have nothing to hold on to move forward... i only have my studies, few friends, and my family well... that the only thing i have... i believe there is more... but none can help me... i always believe that special some1 will help, will share the future together, share the same dream.. things arent working well.. wat can i do now?? well just move forward... open my mind.. see thing lots of point of view..

the other thing i would like to say, i dont blame other for my journey, is a tough road i can say.. i accept the road but just hate it.. every step i take, i feel like damn suffer.. i know i sometimes didnt respect other.. i do whatever i want.. i feel sorry for that.. i know i'm a boring person.. weak person.. althought inside me is full of love, kindness, caring... wat can i say.. world is cruel.. and i still sick!!!!!

Going to market

this mornig i going to the market...my Toyota Corrola Car damn hot.... i last time can stand the heat but now.... i almost reach my limit.... the car is hot...

hey..i would like to add up this post... is too short... :P so... wat my plan this week??? today.. is Monday... may be i need to start finding work... yerp...1 thing to do...find work...

one thing...some1 in trouble... i wish i can help... well.. just stay quite..

the calling

ok... i already told myself it just a dream... it will never happen... and guess wat... it was really a dream... but i use the hard way to know it just a dream... i knew that msg is not for me, wat i believe is is for me is wasnt, i hope too much...think about impossible too much... damn... there no such thing as happy ending... there not such thing as fairy tales.. movie only happen about 2 hours... our lifetime??? forever we live... thing arent simple, well planned, and done accordingly..

this wat happen.. i call her.. well..it going well actually.. her voice change but still the same.. may be talk a bit differently as some moment she speak malay... i was kinda suprise.. last time i'm the one that use malay at some moment.. haha... we talk about how well we are.. she doing fine.. of cos i'm have to say i'm ok... even inside me is not tat fine.. just barely fine.. she sound like she happy.. i'm of cos happy for her.. may be she indeed find some1 special.. well.. i wish i'm that person.. still... my want to know ALL about her still the same.. i really wish i can ask everything about her.. but i need keep my limit... sadly... and also my life is not that significant for her... 1 thing i really fear.. is she know about this blog.. i guess she dont know.. i dont want show that i'm tat weak.. still have feeling for her..

well... is actually nice conversation.. just dissapointed that she dont want hang out wit me.. i guess is too fast to do that... perhaps she need some time and space.. well... 1 thing for sure... i cant stand living at labuan like this... 1 day i will show that i will be sucessfull person..

mistake..

well..i guess is a mistake...it wasnt for me... impossible... i know lots of people ask me how was it.. is say it is short.. inconclusive.. and well... disappointing.. but i dont let it stop me.. right now i going to pick up my sibling.. may be treat them to McD lunch...:P and go to Maybank for my ATM card... is invalid!!!

hey...again....i forget my charger...damn...i dont know where i put it..any1 got charger??

going to do it

like i said before, tomoro i may be going to do it... going try to call... well... i feel kinda scare now... wat i scare... well.... same thing that ever happen to me.. may be it just my feeling.. may be that wasnt for me... well...tomoro we will know it... i didnt find peace now....my heart feel different... i hope i had a good nigh sleep.

other thing worried about me is why i do this so slow..i missing the chance..and i also worried that she sick again.... well.... is my fault that i'm slow and weak...

missing

oh damn..... new msg again... and this is so obvious.... is that really for me.... or i been played?? or i just dreaming that was for me... i'm scare....i'm scare i'm was wrong.... every people as tell me just call pick up the phone and dial... well is not that simple for me... last time is hurt so much... time passes... wound are healing as i write this blog for healing process... i started trust wat important in my life which is God.. i dont dare to face it again... but i will move forward.. meaning i had to face my fear... may be tomoro... i try... early morning i try to call... is too fast, i know.... but moving forward mean getting clossure, letting it go... if not i will haunted... but i scare for wat will happen.. i weak to face failure... hope that God be wit me...

i wan go to market....well i'm at labuan, meaning my grandma will took advantage of me, sending her to market.. i think she dont know the situation.. well.... my grandma like her so much... i dont want break her heart... huhuu.. ok lar.... 1 last thing... dont know that msg for me or not.... inside me say i missssss u toooo... moving forward syl..