Pain is always pain. Your hand cliped by door, your finger cut by paper, your lips by your teeth, or even scar of old pass. There a limit in pain, but emotionally, we just gonna stand up by our own and hope some1 will kiss the wound.

in my life, there are none, while i looking for some1, the some1 are just repeating the one cause me the pain. For example, sms heavely with i'm beside or call some1 while i'm around, i still remember last time, is painful last time and yet is painfull to remember back.

life is always unfair,i lower my expectation for this world, still there aren't perfect. What you wan me to do? Just let go everything, and expect nothing, then my life would be meaningless.

life is bad. Now, at this point, i just hope, really hope, some1 will touch me, and say is not the end, i'm still around. That word, that touch, will be forever to be achieve.

what can i say dear? You had ruin my past, hurt me so bad, and you had a good life. I wish for your best, but mine, i didn't. Someday i will find some1 like you, and hopefully, same mistake wont repeat. By now, pain still pain, feel the same.

I'm so happy that i watched repunzel : tangled tales. The movie is not tat magical, just nice wit repunzel chase her dream, a comman thief became charming as usual. A kingdom that wait for coming of princess.

i'm happy cos i was able watch wit cindy. To be able watch fairy tales with some1. Is one of my dream for a long time, but it is almost what my dream, in my dream is wit special some1.

hope disney will make more movie like this is coming year.

We assume that really serious changes in our life happened slowly, over time, but is not true, this stuff happen in instance. As like, Becaming an adult, becaming a parent, becaming a working person. One minute you not, and the next minute, you are. As became a lover, we all remember the first sight. Whatever is it, we rarely forget. And Sometimes, we don't even know anything changes, you think you still you, and your life is still your life, and you wake up one day and look around, you don't realise anything, anything change at all.

for you informantino, you never forget the moment you became love some1, the first lips, suddenly you not inside a dream anymore, you play it, but you may not notice the moment you love some1, it changes you.

is true. Change me, change you. Overtime also change, till all gone. And change me again for the worst. It all happen in a blink of a eye. We don't realise it.

We living in the world of constant progess and forward motion. Stand still for a second and you'll be left behind. But as hard as we try to move forward, as tempting as it is to never look back, the past always come back to bite us in the ass. And as history show us again and again, those forget the past are doomed to repeat it.

sometimes the past is something that we can't let go of, and sometimes the past we will do anything to forget. And sometimes we learn something new about the past that change everything we know about the present.

i got lot of past that inside me, i don't know to let it go or forget it. It keep burden me day after day. But there is past the i learned, there no such thing as fairy tales or love. But i still believe it. Hehe.

i try to not look back. But it always come bite me. I read your mind, sort of, i do able feel something. It always you. You happy, i'm happy. You sad, i'm sad. Why the connection still there. I could be dreaming. I try move forward. I know there a light in the end, but i don't wish the connection cut off.

The quiet. Peace is not permanent state. It exist in moments, freeding, gone before we knew it is there. We can experience it at anytime, at stranger act of kindness, a task that required complete focus, or simply comfort of old routine. Everyday we all experience this moment of peace, the trick is know when it happening, so that we can embrace them, live it them. And finally, let them go.

so. What it all that mean. Peace. Everyday i struggle to find happiness, but peace, the only thing i would like to find is peace of my mind, hehe, which is the moment i found some1. Ok. I know is weird. But i just hope i can identify what it peace for me, then try to embrace it. So what yours?

In order to get good diagnosis, doctor had constantly change their perspetive. We start by getting patient point of view, thou they often don't have clue whats going on. So we look up the patient from every possible angle, we rule things out, we uncover new information, trying to get to whats actually wrong. We ask for second opinion, hope they will see something other might miss. for the patient, a fresh perspetive can mean the different between living and dying. For the doctor, it can mean we picking a fight wit every1 you got there before you.

when we handed an outcome that horrible to face, that when we will get second opinion. And sometimes, the answer we get just confirm the our worse fear, but sometimes, it can shed new life on the problem, make you see it in whole new way. After all the opinion had been heard, and every point of view already being consider, you finally find what you after, the truth. But the truth is where ends, that just the begining, a whole new set of question.

i constantly think of my problem. There alot to think of. It make me really scare. But lucky, sometimes, if i'm comfortable enough, i will seek friend help, and ask their opinion, sometimes, my thinking were too narrow, hehe. Still, till now, i still don't get the truth. I still thinking the same problem till now.

even so, after settle one problem, a whole new one will arise.

When you get sick, it start one single lone bacteria, pretty soon it duplicate, became 2, those 2 became 4, and those 4 became 8. Then, before your body know it, it under attack. Is an invasion. The question for doctor is, what if invasion had landed, once there taken over the body, how the hell to get rid of them.

what do you do when the infection hits you, when it take over. Do you do what you suppose to do and taking your medicine, or you learn to live wit that thing and hope some day it goes away,or do you give up entirely and let it kill you.

well. We always go problem. Small problem, then another small problem, then it lead to bigger problem. For me right now, failure after failure, bigger problem right now is i'm getting more hopeless and lonely. But still not an big problem, not yet. Well. Like i said, there 3 choice, fix the problem, learn to live wit it, or just let it eat me. I don't know what i choose, in this stage. I still choose the number 1. There still a hope, i just wish for it.

I never feel good or something like that, i mean currently now. I'm indeed a loser, there no colour in my life, is only stagnant lifeless life. I wake up every morning, start everyday for myself. There nothing to hope for. There nothing to care for. Only thing make me happy is buy more worthless thing or wish for better thing. I try to improve. I try my best to just enjoy life. But there no meaning if enjoy it alone. Watch movie alone. Watch drama alone. I hate it that word, alone. Sometimes, how i wish i can pay some1 just be my friend. There's nothing.

i'm not complainting my life suck. I try. I try to call up and meet up. Is just weird. Suddenly call up. Say wan to meet. I feel bad because there are things i wan in life, i wan it so much, which is love.

thinking about joining the military, or be a volunteer. At least can love a country or a humanitary.

Past 2 weeks, i feel a bit down. Reasons? I think too much. Why i think too much? Is because i'm scare pass will haunt me back, i scare to make same mistake. But i know those mistake is because who i am. I really some kind of busy body.i want to know everything, so i usually ask how what why. Is really hard to not know. Ok. Is abit out of topic.

i scare i care so much, i scare i'm want to know to much, i scare to be there all the time and want to know everything happen. Is my mistake last time. I don't wan to make same mistake. But i can't. I will make the mistake.

why is so hard. I know we got choose, i know there more in life. Why it is so important. I don't understand myself. I been lonely too long.

because of me, i also say to myself, but be too rush, slow a bit, i try, and it effect me too much. Perhaps the other side aren't looking on same item, is me that look for it.

I feel that i'm had failed. Really. Is not like can try again, chances come and go.

Ok. Crisis coming back again. Is kinda sucks you know. Sometimes we didn't get wat we expected or hope for. Well. A happy moment is really short, when we dream it will became longer, it suddenly go side track. I know i talking nonsense. Haha.

i do feel i missed 2 chances. Just because i dream of something. I know there more coming, i hope so. I just need to look forward, but i feel i'm weak at this. I think a lot, even small detail can influence me. Why i'm so complicated.

Nothing change. I just had my dream. Hehe. Is fun for a while but after realise is just me thinking too much and had a wonderfull dream. Well It had to stop.

one thing i said to myself, jgn perasaan. And i scare, really scare, i will think alot and unable to decide what is the proper way. Please give me strength

Hello blog. Sorry i left you out for weeks, but i think i will change your name, i dream of coming will not be sadness and loneliness, hehe, i feel happy most of the time, still feel a bit alone, at least not worst, may be i try my best to get joy of living, as long as i'm happy, right. Got other problem, my confident is a bit low, need to pump up my confident. So, what i will call you? Neutral and still lonely, i don't want get my hope high, there a part of me still scare. And the uncertain future, may be is just only a dream, is always a dream, but i hope dream will come true. This i scare.

ok. Thats all, hey, you all better watch eat pray love, is one of best movie. Hehe. Thinking of writing the review

Silent mean something wrong. I can't tell about it here cos is too personal to some1. is killing me slowly inside. Make me feel hopeless, lifeless and meaningless.

grey anatomy

We spend alot our time focus on our future, many working toward it. But at some point, we start to realise that life is happening now. Not after graduation, not after get promotion, right now! This is it, its here, blink and we will miss it.

but,did you say it? I love you. I don't want to live without you. You change my life. Did you say it. Make a plan, set a goal, work toward it, but every now and then, look around, dream it in, cos this is it, it might all be gone tomoro.

hey. Mine is gone. I'm stupid. I look in future too much. And i'm regret it. All my life.

grey anatomy

You never knew the biggest day of your life is going to be biggest. Today you think that are going be big one, is never big as they made to be in your head. Is the regular day, the one with start up normal, those are the day end up being the biggest and today wit thing happen around you, is beautifull, is prefect.

you never knew the biggest day in your life is the biggest day, not that happening before. You never reconnelize the biggest of you life, not until you rated in the middle of it, the day you committed to something, someone, the day that you get heard broken, the day you meet your soulmate, the day you realise there not enough time because you want to live forever, those are the biggest day, perfect day.

what your biggest day? I got mine. Of cos i got. Hehe.

Why does heart feel heavy? Why chest area feel like very stress? I also had this feeling. Perhaps i got stress problem. May be in future i can easy get heart attack. And usually this moment, i really desperate to talk. Seek attention. Something like that make me feel revive.

i somehow know the answer for this. I just need set myself to achieve something. Anything that i can success. But what i can do. My mind always find love. Right now. I really i can call some1. Try to talk. And this will make me excited for whole day, unless it turn out bad. That only quick fix.

the other is. Well cooking. But this somehow limited. I can only cook for my meal and prevent wastefull. I can only cook in small quantity. Most of the time i fail, but at least i try and i'm happy for it. I know i will improve it next time cook. Hehe.

what else? Herm. Nothing. Read novel? Is just not the right time to read book.

i also hope for gaming. But it will be impossible.

My mind right now wan to tell lots of thing. I just can't express it out here because is too personal. Pass few days lots of thing happen, but none are excited. All seem like a punch to my mind, the true is always hurt when discovered.

do my mind create this world as positive as it possibility. Does i believe that is just a NO? Or is just my timing now bad. I don't know. At least i ask, at least i try to have courage, i know i'm somehow a loser. But i know this wont stop me.

one thing bother me is, yesterday my life could be ended. A lorry almost ran over me. But i'm sure my mind is not around that time. I remember i was crossing the road, my mind were at somewhere, thinking about i forget the camera. So. I cross the road. I look on the wrong side of the road. Then. The lorry break. I step back. The go at the back of lorry. The lorry driver seem have a heart attack. I know is foolish me. I really will encounter accident if i'm not carefull enough. I guess is not my day. Thanks Lord.

I'm sad now.. Tears running down.. Listening to 'take a bow'. I search this song sang by rihanna, i can't find it. But lucky i found the song sang by glee. I keep replay this song. The voice is beautifully. I can't stop listen to it. I just keep repeat. I know is stupid. But i can't stop hear the voice. There word that i focus more, like sorry, is over now, faithfull, lie, time to go. i don't know the song mean. But my heart just feel sad when hear this. Stupid right. I'm sad and alone. Isn't my blog about.

I need laptop

Seriously... i wan laptop... i getting tired updated my post using my phone... so much limitation... all text.... i start to envy those post got picture... i can do better for myself.. but i need decent platform... is the latest handphone can replace blog posting for laptop..

i got pc in office.. but no word come out in my mind for posting...

back to work

Is been 2 days after the trainee is gone. Yes. They had finish their training and now start back studying in ums. Well. 10 weeks seem days. Haha. I miss those guys. Huhu. How will get 1 soon again. Hehe.

Hey. Monday is always the talk i talk the most alone to myself. Why? Monday night laugh. There lots of comedy show, and i say they cheer me up, totally.

well. There one thing. How i meet your mum show. Friendship is a unique thing. I really hope there something like that happen in my life. I'm sad inside. Talk to this blog wit no respond. I know lots of thing bad going to happen soon. I can only wait it happen and hold on tight. I'm the person love to be around people, but i'm untalkative. Haha. Finding true friend is im possible. Even more wit lover

movie - angel and demon

Yes. Another movie review for this week. I watch lots of movie. Ok. This is a bit outdated movie, but it premier on HBO HD, well, HD is better in picture than in cinema, but sound, herm, i need another setup. Ok.

i guess every1 is familiar wit this movie, so i wont talk about it. When to think of it, this movie is mediocore, is not that great, the story based on best seller novel, of cos is interesting, the camera is were nice. And the set, is detail. This could be personal preferrence. The old movie and i ever watch it. It miss the wow effect. Could be just that.

there also make me feel like wan to go to rome and discover all of this, the vatican, the temple, all around rome. I also wan to put my trade mark on my design. How i wish that happen. Haha.

ok. No score for this movie. I think i ever review it.

movie - a single man

Ok. This is a sick movie. Is a gay movie. But this movie is 5 star, it really good. The story, the actor, the music the camera, is all perfect. It just a gay movie, got butt showing part, kissing, damn.

i say this movie is good. I do not support anything. Movie review fan should watch this. I'm speechless. 5 out of 5. I wan make 4 cos of gay but but i'm sincerely think this movie is good.

movie - the bounty hunter

This movie is ok. I don't know wat movie is this. Here just to sum it of. 2 divorced people. He want to catch his ex wife because she bail out from jail. She got into trouble from a case where this bad guy wan to kill her. He got huge debt and the bookie want to get the money back. Is a bit of twisted, i know. Nice to watch because jennifer aniston where in th movie. She still look hot. That only i care of.

totally 2 of 5. I would give 3 but she a bit old already.

movie - chleo

Herm. 3 out of 5 movie. This movie can be good or bad, depend on who watch this. Is a rare type of movie for me. An exotic triller. The actor are top class, well, the bad girl is well hot. Is really a good movie after i think about it now. Ok. Here the story

this mum believe her husband cheating at her, so she hired a escort girl to make sure her husband aren't playing around. But here the thriller part, this escort girl love this mum, then she lie to her. Is a bit strange. Well. The actor play well.

still 3 out of 5.

grey anatomy

When something being, we generally had not idea how it going to end, the house that we think a slump will became home sweet home, the roommate that we force to take it became our family, and the most hate person that we meet became our love.

we got lots of begining or starting point, i start my study to became engineer, i meet my love true when secondary school, i start working, i move away from family, i stay at kk.there lots of begining, lots of starting point in my life, each decision i made, is just a being. I write this blog, i sad and lonely, this just being, perhaps one day, it will change. there are many thing that ever happen in me, all bad things and good things,and will happen the same in future.

we spend our whole life worry about our future, planning our future, trying to predict our future, as if figuring it will somehow cushion the blow, but the future is always changing. The future is the home of our deepest fear, and our widest hope. But 1 thing for certain, when it finally reviled itself, the future is never ever we imagined.

Hello there. My weekend totally in the house. I didn't get out, i didn't even bother look outside. I just feel like sitting in front of tv, watch supernatural, the whole season 5. Wow.

i know is unproductive. Is wastefull. Is lazy. But just i feel i wan stay home. My planning is want to try new restrouran, i got 1 italian and 1 mediterian restrouran to try. And watch movie. Got new 3D and knight and day. I feel like want to watch them but no date. Could be i run out budget.

i could be feeling sad. Feeling lonely. But really. I just wan to rest. Tomoro is monday. After 5 days, will be another weekend. Life is a bit bored now. Need to find some1 same interest.

movie - mamma mia

Just finish watch this movie. I had so much fun watching this movie. Gosh. I feel so happy all long the movie. Damn. The musical is wonderfull. Almost every moment is accompany by song. And they look cheerfull. The story is wonderfull wit unexpected twist. Haha. But is not the story about, is the musical piece. Damn. I feel so happy now.

everyone hope love music must watch this. 5 out 5 for this movie.

how i wish i can share this happy moment.

I'm was happy today. Why? Because i talk to some1 today. Share dreams and some love. Is a great joy to do those. Talking about dream. My dream, what it will be. Every1 know wat is it. But really talken about it, i can imagine thing happen in the dream, haha. Glad to do it.

Yeah. Post again. I know why i'm rm crazy posting today. Is because i'm got things to say but none wan to hear it. Thing got lots of happening today, feel happy about site visit wit those trainee. Finish my job. Feel more confident about myself. Know something sad, but stand up, but really hurt, then forget about it. Want to see movie, but none want friend me, so cancel knight and day, wanted watch something new. Next. Have a good conversation with new staff, althought i see the future will be non favourable. Then. At night sitting tv alone, hoping can sms some1, but i don't wan, no topic to talk anyway.

now, really wish can say gud night, and please wake me up for world cup. Life seem so full, and the end, we close our eye, we alone again.

Warning. Another emotional post. Ya. Just finish watch final episod of glee part 2. Yes. I love it so much. Haha. Now i realise why i love it go much, is the song don't stop believing. Yes. That song really touch my heart. I don't know that i believe, but 1 thing for sure, i'm believe some1 there that will stand by me no matter what and love each other so much.. I really believe that..

hey. I really hope there some1 right now. And be excited with me. All i got is this unresponsive blog. Yeah. At least i can talk to you bloggy. Haha. All i wan now, say don't stop believing is really great song, make me feel so happy. Haha.

then i'm thinking. In this whole world, there are movie that i will never watch, which high school musical 3, i wanted watch is so much, but i can't i really can't watch it. I only watch it wit special some1, but that some1 never happen. Huhu. I guess, if i found some1, i will watch wit her, and she feel the same way as i am. I'm serious. Dead serious. This will be impossible dream.

ok. Glee and high school musical same post. This not happening. Both are different. glee about problem in life. High school just a musical.

bride wars

Gosh. 3th post of the day. Seems that already pass 12. This Is the first post. Hehe i just watch bride wars. I think i did a review about this. I can't remember. It just that i can't stop myself from watching it.

ya. Perhaps myself telling that i love to be married. Don't know who, don't know when. Is just i can't resist those thing. In real life, i wont attend those event, it just hurt me so much, unless there really got lots of single ladies at there. I don't mind. The movie is all about 2 gurl having same date and they all fight each other, 2 best friend.

what am i talking about? I barely save money, wear the same cloth, have a crapy car. I really look down myself. But i still try. Learn. Get the impossible thing. Talk about marriage as if i got lover right now, which is billion years none. Haha crazy me.

but i'm sure it will be magical and beautiful. Everyone does.

mistake

Mistake. There are certain thing in life that we know it's a mistake but we really don't it's a mistake because the only way to know it is a mistake is to make that mistake and said to myself "yup, it was a mistake". So really, the bigger mistake would be not making that mistake because then we will go wit our whole without knowing if something is mistake or not. Imagine this, i made no mistake, i done all of this, my life, my relationship, my career are mistake free, does this make sense to all of us?

herm. I only feel want to repeat my same mistake.

tv - lost final episod final season

Yes. Final episod of lost. Lost theory finally ends here. I can't sum everything up in this episod, is alot to tell. The island is stay and every1 die. Meet in other dimension to remember back. Ok. Confuse. Hehe.

this is the most wonderfull episod, they remember or reply back those moment, sweet or pain, happy or sad. It really sad. But is the whole point. Everyone were a season, and the doctor is the main character in the lost, now i know. Hehe.

ok. The thing i want to tell. Now i know why i love emotional movie, or tv series (grey). Is because the 2 or 3 second of people look at each other, the moment the eye sight at each other, camera catch it, human heart catch it too but not realise it. I love those moment, is so wonderfull. I really wan those moment.

movie - toys story 3 (3D)

Yes. My first 3D movie review. I watched this at GSC suria wit joan. She came to kk for a holiday. Before watch movie, i eat at texas for a burger. Hehe.

the movie, is was funny. All the original was character was the same, wit a bit twist, special attention to mr potato. Haha. As long as his eye, hand, mouth, nose and leg stick to something, it became alive, even hotdog. The story are the same, is all about andy, the owner. Andy is grow up and have to go college. So the toys had to move on, but woody believe differently.

ok. The 3d is a ok. Huhu. Nothing remarkable. Huhu. My advice, watch the non 3D.worth your money. Huhu. 1 thing, the entrence show is hilarious. Hehe.

so. This movie. Is 4 out of 5. Hehe. Thanks to joan for accompane me watch this movie even she already watched it. Appreciate it.

bella italian

My food review! Nope. I still don't have much word for food. May be i can warm up. I went to bella italian. I don't know the exact name. But is located at jesselton hotel. This is the second time i'm coming here and wit nadia. My plan actually going to grazie cafe but not open on weekend for lunch.

we order pizza and dessert. I order Margherita wit add topping mushroom and turkey ham. The pizza crust is thin, my tomato sauce blend well the oregano and chesse. The extra topping add more flavor, especially the mushroom, it smells great. First i saw it, it too large for 2 of us to eat, but nadia said the crust is thin and will easily eat all, she was right but My stomach feel not full.

next is dessert, i order tiramisu. Yes. How i wish i took picture of the cafe, my hand cant resist to take the first bite. Damn. The cake is delicious. Everything were perfect. It was right amount of creamy, it just smooth inside our mouth. And the coffee taste not strong, but blend perfectly the chocolate. I can't be more happy that this, it just wonderfull. I love it so much. Even nadia is smiling looking me acting overboard. Haha.

cost of the food is 46 plus sky juice. Hehe. I'm also happy found someone to try food wit me. Next time i will remember to take picture.

movie - she out of my league

Another movie review. This is a wonderfull movie. Is about a guy, kirk, date a beautifull hot girl, molly. Damn. She so hot till i can't get my eye off from her. But 1 thing i really like, despite, being a hot woman, she just humble herself, more precise, more normal girl. 3 out of 5 for this movie.

this movie inspired me. Hehe. Make me feel i got high self esteem and got confident. Thats easy. Haha.

nine

A movie review. Hehe. This movie i wanted to watch it because it is a musical movie. Love when in movie, they sing a lot. I watch this movie without knowing anything.

so. After watch this movie halfway, my body melt, damn, all the actress are sexy, damn, there no nudity, no sex scene, pure broadway style musical singing and dancing. Later i found out there were all movie star, no wonder there are beautiful.

ok. This movie about a director makes a movie, he don't have script, so, well, he try to write a movie script in 10 days, did he do it? No. There too much stress, affair, trouble. I guess he want to write about himself. But he just can't express it. so at the end, he fail.

well. This movie is sexy. 4 out 5. Plus 1 for sexy and musical. Hehe.

Hey. I'm the one reading it. I'm don't post to your comment say i'm read it. But i'm writing it here. Cos i know the line, i know the limit, i know what is fairy tale or real life. How i wish i can sms you, chat wit you, or call you. But i don't, cos i gotta move on wit life. I know i been sick. I know i that i'm so pathetic, and i certainly know that i'm so so desperate. I know a lot about myself, that all bad thing about me. I know i don't wan hear from you about me, but i feel that i wan. There a line in everything, i make that line clear to myself, even it hurt me, i broke the line by posting it here, but i'm glad i able to let go again.

falling for her

Good morning all. Today i wanted to see my skin doctor, is already pass 2 months. So, unusually for weekend, i had to wake up early, Around 7. When i go in to clinic, even i arrive 8.40 whereby the clinic open on 8.30. There already 18 people line up to meet the doctor, so frustrate. need to wait like 3 hour, said the nurse, but i knew it will be 5 hour. Lucky, i didn't plan to bring anyone out, i was thinking bring some1 watch movie.

anyway. I going to buy breakfast, meehun wit pork chop. Then, there she was, she look so pretty, my heartbeating so fast, i never feel this way before, but she special, the time when so slow and she move so gracefull. I can't stop thinking about her move. Even when drive back home, i still stun. But i know is already pass, i didn't ask for her no.

i'm feeling so great. Just to get this feeling.

We all get 1 wish a year over birthday, perhaps the other 1 will be at christmas. Some of us want more, more wish, from fountain, well, star, heart, i know my wishlist would be, is listed in my blog. And 1 day one of those wish come true. So. What will it be if those wish come true, will it really what we hope. Do it create warm glow of happiness? Or do we just have too much wish to be wish.

we don't wish for easy stuff, we will wish the big thing, thing that is ambitious, and unreachable. We wish because we need help and we scare, and we know we could be asking too much. We still wish thou, because it will come true.

i wish for lover.

greys anatomy S05E09

Again. Watch grey on monday despite monday night laugh. This espissod is about closing our eye during sleep. We all scare to close light during sleep when we small. I remember that there was light in my room to prevent dark. But when we grow up, 1 thing i scare after close eye is the next day. I don't know that will happen. Not exactly scare, could be nervous, happy, or lonely.

but is the easiest thing to do. We just close our eye. Then the world all shut down. But not all of us sleep, we still scare. We all want it. Just it so hard to just close our eye. But once we face our fear, and turn to other for help, we wont be scare.

the other thing, no matter how wrong a person could be, just listen to them why, they just need support.

you know, i really wish some1 care for me. I really need it. If got, i know i will care back to them.

Another emotional post. Don't read it this. Haha.

i know what i feel now, is sad. I'm sad because i feel that i make a mistake. I feel that i'm a boring guy. Really back to to old self again. My heart tell me don't go too fast. Really don't be desperate. I'm not. I just hate living like this. Being happy or acting happy.

well. Will stop again and wait a while to try again.

greys anatomy S05E08

Herm. Perhaps in 1 moment that inside your heart got this to tell. Some are meant keep inside. But really, we spare it to tell other when time is right or it is forgetten. Hehe.

this espissod is talk about let it go. There something we can keep just for remembrance, but it mean we can't let go. I still keep the picture. The ring. Hey. But it we throw it, we still think about it. Wonder of the world.

being a frighter doesnt mean is strong. It could be we just avoid the real problem and take hard road.

the lovely bones

This movie is wonderfull and lovely. The moment i watch it. I feel so into it. Why? Because the art really beautifull, and the first person narrator. Haha. I guess beside fast pace action modern movie were my fav, the other would be beautifull movie. Haha.

anyway, this story is about young girl, sadly this young girl been murder. Is not a sad story, but this young girl live in between heaven and earth, she unable to let go of her family, and her family are also unable. I love this movie because it remind me movie could be wonderful as in novel. Even i close my eye. I can see to movie. And in my mind, i feel that i'm reading a novel, expect the art would be different than i imagine. Haha.

well. Well solid 5 star for those that love wonderfull thing.

Again. Wake up feeling nothing. I hate being heartless. Is just so hard to go throught the day, sitting on sofa, watching tv. Well. Try to get up and get some emotion today.

so i was thinking. Why like being all emotion. i just like to know how it be like, the no joyfull or delightfull feeling around, even none was love. So then feeling i can get is sorrow and sober. Living alone wit no one to talk, i mean a girl, just sad. I unable to pour it out. I have no idea how.

right now, i'm watch grey anatomy, is 1 of my fav tv series, just because everytime i watch, my tear usually get out. I can do that all day. Haha.

i know i'm pathetic. Is just even i got friends around, i just, or i think learn my lesson. Never tell your feeling to anyone at anytime. All the time i feel that i too attach to some1, i need to be so attach, i don't have right now, and i don't bether too try because it is bad. Learn my lesson even it will make it my life misreable cos not trying it. But this blog had no emotion. It wont dump me. Haha.

dream

watching glee just now, they that about dream. Yes. 1 thing that strike me is dream is something that will fill our heart and us feel happy. Well. I know what really can make me happy and dream come true. But i know it will take forever. That why is at bottom of my wishlist.

actually. There no spark in my life. I'm glad that people really care about ourself. But today. Nothing let me down. Is just that i feel really sad for no reason. Perhaps i really want attention. Perhaps i really wan some1 talk about me. There are only dream i guess. No one really love me to say everyday in front her eye is always me.

world are cruel.

This pass few days or weeks, i feel pretty good about myself. I feel more confident and more brave. Why? Because i got something special going on.

yesterday was special. I was finally prove myself that i'm not really lose to confident to talk or ask people out. I manage to ask some1 out. Wat a relive that it is achievement, and guess what. It happen in labuan. Hehe. Yeah!

Sitting inside ferry, with calm sea, is much better that yesterday, when i went back to lbn, is not a joy ride, my head moving back and ford, right and left, but i'm ok wit it, glad to reach the island soil, stable. Right now i'm heading to kk, in 15 min i will arrive. Hehe back here again, to my own home.

3 hour ride to kk is very long to some people. Is almost same time if using car to memunbuk. But cost of maintanace to car is unnotice, my old car can't take that much. Express ferry ride drawback is seasick. Huhu. I'm ok wit it. Never have problem.

today, i meet some1. Is been a while i never go out at lbn alone wit some1 that i'm not familiar. Well. I just hope that i break my coward inside me about this island. Thanks to her. Ok then.

Haha. Today such a good day. Being able go to work, yes, i found there more pleasurable than my home and outside work. Got pc, updating facebook, doing something we love which is designing, having pressure of work, eat kfc, order laptop, yeah, and got sunshine shine.

haha. 1 thing i really like, i really able to speak english again. Seriously, is been a while, need to get confident back.

did i tell you all that got 2 new person on my office and 2 trainey.

Last weekend, my family came to kk. I'm was so happy. Yeah! So happy cos got some1 chean my house, dinner and watch movie.

so last weekend i watched prince of persia and sherk 3d. Prince of persia is awesome movie, it remind me of assassin creed, since that game only i play about mid east.

sherk 3d? The reason i wanted to watch this is to watch 3d. How was 3d? Is was fun. Really real 3d. I sure wanted to watch avatar 3d

Waking up wit a sad dream. Dream that about some1 that i should forgetten. Why still inside me. Even the face, the smell, the touch is long forgetten, but the present of her still can be fell inside the dream. Is a sad dream because i know i speak less, the time i speak less is the time is about the end. Everything is negative.

well. I prefer sad feeling rather emotionless, at least i can feel love is pain. So today, a holiday, will be a sober day for me. Plan is watch tv. And cook nice food. Just to heal my soul.

Work. A part of it being interesting, everyday i try solve some puzzle or calculate something, well, most of time fb, to just loose the pressure. Haha. But today, i really feel so fear, i could be using something that i never try before, is good to try something new. My fear is cause by i feeling not confident, i even try to express to trainey, just telling that this really hard, something to let go from my heart.

again. Being able making decision that need to consider every1 is hard. Very very hard. My mind is every1 should not be left alone. Hope tomoro a good day. Oh ya. I really love teaching, so happy able to give

Guess what. Yesterday night, after i post my blog, i really can't wait till wednesday. I went out and watch the movie, and alone, i can't recommend it, being alone at late night is a bit dangerous, but i did all the time and don't realise it, perhaps this time i'm fully awake.

ok. Robin hood? Well. It really impressive. The director able to capture the era how the robin hood became a thief. How a king ego can change the history. 1 thing i confuse, how they come from france to england, isn't that far away. Ok. This really a guys movie. I give 4 out of 5

Hey. Right now. My desire, my will, that i want watch robin hood. Recently, i'm giving up wan to watch it, suria gsc just open and penampang megalong cineplex also open, but none showing robin hood.

i watch history channel and they talk about robin hood. My heart tell, you gotta watch this. Switch channel and watch this movie on this wednesday.

Lily allen - who'd have know and a friend frenzy - happier

somehow i like this song.

Yesterday and this sunday morning, i wake up. Feel really empty inside me. There is no tear. No emotion. Just stagnant. I don't know what get into me. But i know, i wan talk to somebody. I just need some smile today. Yet i can't get one. I guess i need go out, get some air, get out alone wasn't my plan for weekend, usually i stay alone in my house. Watching tv to kill the time.

i guess i better go out my hair and wash it. Hehe.

I really forget to write this blog. The thing is, inside me is really down, really sad, if i express it, everyday i will be say the same thing.

i do accept thing happened, but i just cant believe it. I always looking for change, but is all a cover up, even i achieve it, why my heart still feel the same.

why i feel that i'm the 1 that u talking about...

Hello my long forgoten blog. I didn't forget you as i always check some1 blog that i unable mention her name. I really wanted to update it. Lots of topic that inside my mind tat i wanted to share like, i have bad feeling when i'm at lbn, lion dance, CNY, my new house.

Just wish time passes quickly, and i don't care anymore.

Labuan Labuan Labuan Labuan. Will be here for 1 week

Today i went for site visit At kg mongok, tambunan for bridge lunching. This my first time watching bridge lunching. My first impression of the site is, it is huge in uncivilize places. Really, i was suprise out of no where, there was it, a big bridge, may be i have no idea about what is going on the place, could be there are no bridge crossing for this place.

so, the lunching, ok. I didn't read the method statement, but here my assumption. First, temporary slider will be set up beside the bridge. Then the plate glider will slide across the river. 6 crane working together to hold the glider and it is very slender, since there no bracing on minor axis. after sliding, then slowly lift up to put on the embrakement. Hehe. That all i can say. Hate my english.

Fear. I got lots of it! Fear of eating veggie. Fear of talking to people, fear of driving, fear of embrassment, fear of rejection, fear of belanja people. Now, i fear ghost movie, but the most i fear on movie is love or romantic movie.

just about now i watch triller movie, yes, it is scary. But i really can watch it. I don't hold much emotion wit it. Then, i watch love movie, not exactly love movie, but there involve love. That, i really can't stand it. I really hate those movie! But i love to watch it!

dude, i really feel hopeless now. In fact, i really hopeless, a hopeless guy! Future? No. There no bright future, no matter positive inside us, if we already born bad luck, we will always being unfortunate! Unless we really lupa daratan. After lucky come in, then can remember back.

but i wont such person. No matter how unlucky are i.

Why do people need to be socialize? I found this question is difficult to me. Perhaps we do have sims like o-meter that indicate we need to fill our needs.

this i found it interesting. I'm right now seek some1 to talk. I find it difficult now to just sit tight and read book. But somehow in my mind, i really wan to be left alone, just sit there and have a slow time.

my non stop looking to facebook and fanatic of blogging really mean 1 thing. I seek attention. Yeah. I admit it. But no attention i will get.

there other thing, i'm not the baby. I'm is honey or darling. And there always dear, sweetheart, love, baby or bro i used to call but never honey or darling.

litte einsteins - playhouse disney

This one of the playhouse disney channel. I found this program really interesting. Why? Because it bring culture to the kids. First of all, it introduce one of the famous composser such as mozard, today it introduce Edvard gried and one of its composs. Hehe. It also bring different world culture to the kids

today it show elephane. Hehe. To india. And show the snake dance when playing flute, show, the taj mahal, the red fort. Hehe. Yeah.

i quite enjoy watch it. Even it for 4 years old. Huh. Typo typo in my blog. I really can't spell.

Hehe. Kk today is so jam. So i take this boring and hot time get through this jam while blogging.

i just cut my hair. Hehe. New style. yeah. I'm getting ready for cny.

ok lar. I'm at karamusing already. Looking for lcd. Hope for 'B' this month.

Murut culture center. It is located at tenom. I went the last monday for a meeting at site. Hehe. Wow. I was suprise by the size of it. It fully make by belian wood. The building standing like demand it is a castle. The belian column tell the word that it will last forever.

sadly. The building seem abandon. I think it only use once a year for an occasion. Is a waste. But i think it will not more after we done upgrading it. This is part of the job the rewarding. Design building or infra for the people and improve. Still it all come to the goverment to decide to build it or not. Hehe.

this is my first visit to tenom. I think i ever went there when i was small. Is a small town. Very small. Still an important place. It will know of its tenom kopi. Well. We didn't spend time at there that much. Only pass by.

the road we use is keningau - kimanis. Is a breathtaking journey. I love the nature surround it. The crooker mountain range is around me. I really wish i can go down to explore the jungle. But then, if i go down, what can i do anyway. The air are fresh and cool. I really wan to spend a night there just looking the surround. However the road is scary, on way up, i saw lots of broken glass, and on way down, the cloud or fog, cover the road, we can only see 5 meter in front. lucky the driver, is the engineer designing the road and build the road. So i'm sure he know the road well.

that all

Row row boat. The engine sound continuously fill my ear. Yesterday is not annoying but today, it start to be annoying. Perhaps the vibration that annoy me. Air con are still cold and i hold on tight to my sweater. Tv just now show rambo, an interesting story that show life after endless killing people, he still a beast, at army people praise him as hero, at outside, people think he is a monster. But i didn't watch begining of the movie because i'm addictive to my book.

my mind right now is about a movie. A movie that i watched yesterday title tell no one, is a french movie. I impressive with the movie yet i understand litte about. I will make proper review about it later on. Right now i'm thinking about my point of view of watching movie.

i watch movie because i like to dream, at same time i love to observe the actor. I also fan of latest technology. Any vision art or fancy equipment will impress me. I also love music, from sweeney tod of the barber that behead people to teen loved high school musical, venessa huggen, to disney sing of enchanted or princess frog. All of this i look in the movie.

i wish i had movie fan just like me. And my writing aren't improve because i can't spell. Writing blog on phone had its weakness.

bookfair

Hehe. This month at suria. There were a bookfair. Usually i don't go to those places, but recently i went to there, not once, but a couple times. Still i didn't brought the cheap book, i only buy 30 discount book. Well. 30 is a very good offer. Hehe. Brought 5 books. Feel happy about it. In other word, 5 companion for me. But i will bring only 1 book at a times.

most the book i brought are is my first time read from different author, usually i read cecelia ahern. Sophie kinsella also i ever read but not her usually shopaholic. Hope there are all good.

legion

Legion is just another movie. Angel fall down from the sky try to save a pregnant woman. The baby said will save the humanity. Well. Thats it.

there aren't make action that we hope for, there aren't angel flying around shot each other like dog fight. None. Only angel wit wing fighting wit angel wit no wing. Haha. Is unimpressive. Ok. Now. Guns. remember zombie movie. Is similar. Good guy shot from top of building kill all the bad that want to come in the building.

ok. Now. Story. They lots of thing that it try to teach us. The hopeless guy try to carry the burden around him. The pregnan woman want to give away the baby. The gengstar try to repent. A broken family that have problematic child. All of this are their weakness. Well. Is not a drama movie. So. They fail.

ok. Picture wise. Is ordinary. Sound. Ordinary. And also. There lot question in this movie. How the girl pregnan? Why this angel help them? Is the world end?

the gift - Cecelia ahern

A young boy throw a turkey throught a window. He was caught by a policemen. Then the policemen tell this boy a story. All of this happen at christmas day.

the story is about a bisnessmen, lou. He is a very busy men, all the time, phone on his ear. Settle things around him. He can done two things at once. It shown how busy he was.

then come the homeless guy, gabe, he able to create awkward to lou, a very confident men. But most importantly gabe able show important of life, family and love. Lou really get his wish, to be 2 places at once, making him able to achieve his goal.

but at the end, lou meet an accident. Is a sad story but it teach us important of time. No matter how good we can manage our time, being 2 place at a time, still, we can negle people around us.

this novel had gone long way from her previous novel. The language she use are more deep. Still she able capture people heart.

Missing is like word that can explain lost, grief, gone, thought. I miss lots of thing, things that i feel will never come back. I heard people acting when missing some1, they were so sad, yet a smile on their face cos there were on the phone. Their word are very sweet, full of care.

someday. I will feel it. Hehe.

time

A lesson finds the common denominator and links us all together, like a chain. At the end of that chain dangle a clock, and on the face of the clock the passing of time is register. We hear it, the hushed tick-tock sound that breaks any silence, and we see it, but often we don't feel it. Each second makes its mark on every single person's life; comes and then goes, quietly disappearing without fanfare, evaporating into air like steam from a piping got christmas pudding. Enough time leave us warm; when our time is gone, it too leaves us cold. Time is more precious than gold, more precious that diamonds, more precious than oil or any valuable treasures. It it time that we do not have enough of; it is time that causes the was within our hearts, and so we must spend it wisely. Time cannot be packaged and ribboned and left under trees for christmas morning.

time can't be given. But it can be shared

desire

Desire play important role in my life. Since i was small i got lots of desire, i want lots of things. Back to the old days, i can't have wat i wan. Sometimes of the time i need to cry to get it. I remember last time i want tamagochi, i save my money to buy it. At the end, i really get wat i wan, but after a while i'm playing it, i became careless and the device drown into water. Well. I lost it.

even now, i got some of the desire since childhood, like own a remote control car, have my bicycle modified. Own a video game. And lots more. I know is hard for me to get it. But i know someday i will have it.

now, i have a wish list. I know it make me feel like i'm materialistic. But is only way i feel fulfill and satisfy. I really wan do those, but i need to be logical, i need to money for living. Well. Guess some of the thing had been fulfill.

i brought a new nike shoe for joking. Tomoro i start going to bukit padang. Hopefully this will stay long. And i also get a new pair of contact lens. Hehe. Well. Next on my list is treatment for my skin. Hehe. Need to wait for next month. I scare it will cost a lot. I know it will.

my life is not getting better. Just improve. I still the same.

confession of pain

Why they make it so simple? Why a perfect couple live so happily? Their action show full of affection. Their eye on each is unbreakable. Girl seem silly, but will obey her boy. Boy so tough, but will romance his girl. He go places he never been before to just see her, and don't admit it. So funny.

well. Eye saw everything. Heart feel a hitch. Unbearable me for being 3th person eye. Wish to be the 1st person stand and feel the joy.

2010 resolution

1. Exercise at least once a month
2. Read 6 books
3. Have my house became comfortable with basic needs.
4. Total saving at year end is 5% of every month.
5. Learn myself 3 new skills or applied knowladge.
6. Have car became comfortable and new.
7. Go to church often.

hello 2010

Happy new year for me. Hope things will turn out great. You know what, i think i spend my new year countdown while bath, don't realise the time, only heard firework outside the house. Hope that will wash away my bad luck. Hello 2010!

why i'm so excited.