Cayra Mum b'day

Yesterday is cayra mum b'day. i only send her a sms wish her happy b'day. to think of it, she kinda feel like my mum. i know that since the day i know i need to leave cayra. the thing that i really sad to leave is them. when they know we gonna break up soon, she always pray hard for me. always tell me that God is always there help for us. i sometimes call her ask how is she doing. she always feel like happy when talking to me. since cayra leave the house, i seldom sms her ask about cayra. i know is silly to accept them as family as i and cayra is nothing, but them already accept me as their family since i know cayra. they always liked me. but now, perhaps is just a memories, and i hope that memories will replay back again. there are lots in my mind when i talk about this, is hard for me to say it all, someday, i will tell it all on this blog.

i read cayra blog about a family value, i know she always did the best the family, i know every thing about her to the family. i really understand wat going on. still that is not enough. even on her recent blog, i didnt exist anymore.

Exam CM

today is exam for construction management. is kinda theory subject.. i usually good in this theory subject because i able to elaborate theory easily but now my head feel like a stone. i try to think any logical answer for my question and i just unable to get it. and i may be know why

i may be drink alot of alcohol lately, and this could be the side effect of it. i need to stop drinking regularly but i cant.

it could be my new life style, i been in my room too much and only play games, sleep and watch movie, all this activity make my brain inactive at all time. nothing i can do about it, i have to do be like this because everytime i start thinking, i will think my sad problem and this make me sad alots more. so i have to continue my activity.

after that could be i sad too much, in my mind i think more about my sad condition and never look positive side of my life, but is true, i feel i have no positive side of my life other than glab being alive. huhuhu

or could be i seldom talk English to any1, last time the person i talk english to is cayra, now i never talk english to any1. or perhaps my lack of comunication had decrease my thinking capability.

or could be i didnt read alot, last time i usually read magazine but now, i read none...huhuhu...

well..i know my weakness, i know that i should improve, but is hard for me, i need some motivation and i keep finding it. i hope i can change for this coming water exam...

her status - no matter how hard u try, he won't fall for u

sad to know it.. i been look her every moment i could.. ireally wish i know wat happen, even it hurt me.. knowing is much better that dont know anything. make me feel my hope are falling.. still..i will keep my faith.. i love u honey...try on me instead..i wont dissapointed u dear..

Bad dream or Good Dream

i just woke up and had a weird dream.. the that i hope is true.. in the dream.. i meet Cayra, is seem to be we talk for a while..i cant remember wat we talk...but i remember that last part is i on her shoulder and feel like miss her so much..she said to me that she love me so much..but i feel she had to let me go...we both cry..i look disbelief..but i know it already happen and i already been throught it..it look so real..i dont know wat it mean..i hope my dream are coming true..that this break up is just a test of me..i really hope in future we are together.

love bird

i go to McD just now..and saw to love birs in front of me studying. they seem so happy and i jealous of them..i really feel i want be in that situation. i really miss some1 hold my head..i really miss some1 hold my hand..all those feel that we been cared, we been loved. i really wish i had it now.. last time, when i in this situation, i always say to myself, this holiday i will meet cayra, had have our happy moment..hahaha...but now..i say to myself..i have no one to do that.. i just have to hold my self..no more warm feeling..no more hug..i just a lonely desperate guy..sad..

feeling worst

everyday everynight, i had a bad feeling, always, at the end of the day, i always recap my life, at the beginning of my day, i always plan my life. everyday, all those thing burden me, at the end of the day, i say good night to myself, i say another lonely day, and i ask how are me, and i reply, i had a bad day, i miss about my old life, old life that i use to share wit other(cayra). now the only person i share is myself, or this blog.

at morning, i thinking about how i get throught this day, how i spend my day, my answer is always my life sucks, i can say i'm gradefull of my life, but i wasn't. i cant be happy, i sad all the time, and no1 know i'm sad, i hate my life, and i only think present and never future. so...my answer in the morning is time passes quickly please, i cant stand it anymore.

this feeling had been wit me since she left me. i cant be positive in my life useless something wonderfull happen. i try make things wonderfull but still my cycle of routine make me everyday feeling worst. so...wat gonna i do? the only answer time will tell..i just have to wait, till then, feeling worst will keep haunt me..

Play games

everyday i been playing the last remnant, is a nice game, every addictive.. i play it non-stop, from i wake up till i sleep. well i guess i play game to just forget the real world look like, time pass quick when playing games, i really cant feel my problem. i just play play play, till i sleepy, this process had been like this since last week.

but now, i feel i really wish i can talk to some1, i really wish i can talk to Cayra, playing game make me lonely and i dont dont feel it. i really wish i can have a fight, have a hard time, have a good time, anything, as long as i can talk to her. i really need to make my life usefull, i really need find so inspiration to keep me motivated, i feel useless..

another unenjoyable day

today i went to sungai gabai, quite a nice place, full of nature and running water, very relaxing, but somehow, i didnt enjoy my time, think about last day i will spend wit my friend in UiTM, and also, everything nice must be share wit some1 u care. me just admire it all alone, no1 there t appreciate it.

not just tat, deedat and my housemate are also dont follow. well..is not important for then, but for me, is kinda important, spend every last moment before i go back.. after this i may be will not able to meet then. sad.... well.. my mind now is how to bring them go out together. i planning to go to waterworld. come on lar..huhuhuhu..

well i'm still sad....thinking about my uncertain future. life is not fairy tale...

I Dreamed A Dream

I Dreamed A Dream

hey...i just found a song that can remind me..that show my dream that will never true..i sad most of the time to think my life are suck..it really suck..i once dream a happy life, a happy life with beloved Cayra. The beginning of the song remind me that i start dream of my dream..that time we so in love, i dream that we will be together, together in for the rest of my life, everything gone well as dream, is like a journey to in a wonderful garden, so happy, we hope the same way, feel the same way

but now, as the tiger come as in the song, everything change, my dream is really became just a dream, i really wish she come to me, as i dream of. so my life now is so different to the dream the i dream off...well the end lyrics so the life have kill the dream..is true..life as we grown off, change according to time..a dream is just a wonderful hope that we really wish it happen.. it could happen or simple went wrong..well i still dream wat i dream, hope the dream will someday will come true, may be not wit you Cayra, but stilll our dream it is my most unforgetable, memoriable, joyfull and wonderfull dream, u always in my heart.

Start talking

talking...is very simple...but wat make me so hard to talk to dyla is..wat i feel for her...i can pretend nothing happen...i dont know i should ask her or not about wat happen..thing is so hard for me..

anyway...i'm happy she talk talk to me...but i still feel i want more..i just i need to limit myself..i deeply need some1 help...

Help them in drama

today start a day wit IDP, my day was so boring, i dont have anyting to do in the class.
the thing i scare is talk to dyla, i keep on avoid her, i dont know wat to say to her. i feel so weird. i dont know wat she feel, i wish i can ask. damn.. so i decide i go back early. rather feel worry, scare, better if i stay in my room and sleep

then, something happen, dyla call me, she ask me to help her in the drama, of cos i help her...she also ask me why i'm go back early, i dont know she care about that, all this litte thing make lift me up a bit, at least i know she still think a bit about me..hahaha

so..in drama..i try my best to just be normal, but in some point, the arkwardness kick in, some times i stay quiet..i just hope some1 talk to me, i guess i will be in that way.. not in lighten mood..but i try my best in acting..:P

today cayra post about her test, she join some kind of audtion, i wish i know better...

i really dont know wat to look up in my life...i have no faith in anything..

Mandirin test

today got mandirin test...i damn dont know how to write to conversation
well..at least i didnt study hard for it..so no regratz...

today...i mean another failure...huhuhu..i should talk to her...like normal talk..but i cant..i face too much of tension to think about wat she feel..may is time to forget wat happen and be like normal..i should think like that but i still worried..

the whole day i watch movie...waste my time like that...i got things to do but i just let it go like that..sadly...i need some1 tell me wat to do...i can do it myself but i dont have that kind of motivation huhuhu...

i wondering wat cayra doin today...she finally write her blog...my heart feel different..i really wish i can know wat happen

Baskin Robin

Today is 31th of march, is 31% discount for all the ice cream

wat is ice cream for me..well..i a food to eat..nice to eat...cool thing to eat..but i didnt feel like to eat..i really wish i can eat with some1

well...i go to bukit raja wit hilmi to buy it..tat time i was thinking should i buy it or not..then i thinking to buy it for dyla..haha...buy things for her again..in my mind say that she wont appreciate it, but my heart tell me give ice cream to her. so i follow my heart to buy it for her..i know is stupid but i have to follow my heart also. i also buy ice cream for ash..hahaha

so...what is all mean, for me, eating something nice, sweet and enjoyable should be share among other that u care. simple.. eating it alone make my feeling worst.. better drink beer alone.. so i buy ice cream to dyla and ash because i care for them and want to see them happy eating ice cream..simple..

see ash happy eat ice cream...i wondering is she eating ice cream or not..well...i wish i can call asnd ask..but that wont happen..i know i been avoiding her, i just dont want my heart hurt even more... how i wish everything is so simple by able to call her.. somehow i miss cayra in the mist of my wondering..wish i can send her ice cream too

My sister b'day today

I wake up this morning morning wondering wat should i buy for her..she not my sister actually, but she been nice to me..i wondering to buy her girls thing like dress or bag..

me and my friend go to mall to find gift for her, i plan to buy purse for her but somehow i buy clock and frame for her..

this story not about her...is about my dream..my dream today is i really wish i can talk to dyla..since last time, we never had a nice conversation..when i searching my gift for zura(my sis), i found something nice to gift to dyla, a candle red in colour wit a heart on it, it took me for a while think about shuold i buy it, i know myself will probility never gift to her. i always follow my heart saying i should buy it, so i buy it.

at night before 12 o'clock, my heart pounding want to meet dyla, because i know, meeting her will only make my feeling worst but i still want to meet her. this problem about me, if i like some1, no matter what the situation, i still will keep on goin on, this because talk to her, see her face, my feeling is mix, i'm so happy, and yet i know inside me is so sad because i only dream talking to her, look her for afar..may be that happy is wat i looking for, just a moment of joy, i think i worth it, somehow, after the end of the day, my feeling worst. i feel the most lonely guy in the whole world.

well..zura just got a bf, my best friend hilmi. hahaha..i wish they know i much i need their help to ask dyla give me a chance. while i'm wait to be sharp at 12 o'clock, i left alone, that time i watching them, i feel so horible. may be this will be my life, watching people together.

time started. is zura b'day now...the only thing i can do is smile, because dyle were there, i feel so sad..but happy to see her. still remember the give that i plan to give her. i didnt give to her. i left on the boxes with the cake, then i feel i shouldnt give her, i let the candle on the boxes. hopefully people will know i give to her. a sign that i really want her....sad....

My Life

hi any1..

i start this blog because i hate my life now...i really hate it now..all the time feel so lonely..so 1 around for me...dude..i really miss my ex gf..she dump me because she dont love me, this happen at last year December..i still can remember every moment...i truly sad..now i'm lonely and seriously need her..

time passes..i found some1 but she heart belongs to other, she were my best friend, now i'm losing her because i tell her that i fall for her..again..my heart is beyond repair..i dont know what should i do...i really wish things happen nicely, sadly none happen to me..